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Old 03-27-2014, 04:44 PM
PDD
 
Location: The Sand Hills of NC
8,776 posts, read 14,784,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SwimGal View Post
I have this friend who I have known for five years. When people text him, he rarely texts them back. People, including me, have things to tell him, or are trying to get a hold of him, or any number of things, and he point blank does not respond to them.

Sometimes he'll respond a couple of days later, or even a week later. But most of the time he just doesn't respond at all. I have confronted him about this, and he says that's just how he is. He is the same way with his own family. As a result, he has alienated most of the people from his life. The closest person to him is his girlfriend, who is very controlling and has him on a short leash.

When I first met him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But over the years I have gotten so sick of his unresponsiveness that I simply don't reach out to him anymore, I just communicate through his girlfriend because I'm friends with her too.

I am thinking of cutting ties with him completely over this. When we do get together, he is pretty fun to be around, but it's like he has no commitment whatsoever to our friendship, or to any relationship in his life. It's really insulting.
Perhaps your friend has a Phone option on their texting device. Give it a try.

I think texting is so impersonal I never use it or respond to it. Perhaps your friend feels the same?
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:46 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,914,163 times
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If something is that important either telephone him and tell him or text him whatever it is that is important and leave it at that.
I cannot imagine something being so important if he is not family just a friend but I don't know him or the entire situation.
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:48 PM
 
128 posts, read 150,580 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDD View Post
Perhaps your friend has a Phone option on their texting device. Give it a try.

I think texting is so impersonal I never use it or respond to it. Perhaps your friend feels the same?
He doesn't talk on the phone either. He does not put effort into maintaining relationships with people, period.

He has also been unemployed for years and lives off of his girlfriend and parents. There is nothing wrong with him that he can't get a job. He just "doesn't feel like it".

Trust me when I say he's selfish. And I'm sick of catering to that. If you want me in your life, treat me like I'm valuable to you.
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Alabama!
5,840 posts, read 15,887,744 times
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Some of us out here are still paying for each and every text. I pay 15 cents for every text in, and 15 cents for every text out.
NOW do you see why constantly texting someone who isn't replying is supremely annoying?????

If you want to get hold of this person, let him answer the phone. Don't text.
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:58 PM
 
128 posts, read 150,580 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southlander View Post
Some of us out here are still paying for each and every text. I pay 15 cents for every text in, and 15 cents for every text out.
NOW do you see why constantly texting someone who isn't replying is supremely annoying?????

If you want to get hold of this person, let him answer the phone. Don't text.
Read my post above. He doesn't talk on his phone. And he doesn't even pay for his own phone plan. This is not his money.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,231 posts, read 10,235,586 times
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That involves a bigger picture than just not responding to texts. From what you've added, yea he doesn't sound like a friend-even to himself. Sad.

But definitely does sound like you've reached maximum capacity on tolerance scale. Wouldn't make a big deal out of it-he's still your friend's boyfriend and you don't want to alienate her. Just kind of forget him.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:17 PM
 
128 posts, read 150,580 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
That involves a bigger picture than just not responding to texts. From what you've added, yea he doesn't sound like a friend-even to himself. Sad.

But definitely does sound like you've reached maximum capacity on tolerance scale. Wouldn't make a big deal out of it-he's still your friend's boyfriend and you don't want to alienate her. Just kind of forget him.
He is not a friend to himself, you're right about that. And yes I have definitely reached my maximum capacity of tolerance. An adult should not expect to sit back and have people cater to him, without putting in any effort on his end. I would hate myself if I acted like that, taking and taking from others while giving nothing back. I would be ashamed.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:31 PM
 
1,640 posts, read 3,280,550 times
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I can see this from both sides.

I have a cell phone (not a smartphone) and I never use it. If anyone calls my cell or texts me, good luck. Email me or pick up the phone and call my landline.

I also had a friend years ago who was phobic of talking on the phone. This was before the time when cell phones were used for texting. So I'd call her, knowing she was home, and would have to leave messages on the answering machine. She would then email me at her convenience. It was very frustrating, but what could I do? Some people just need more patience and understanding from others. If this person says it's a known "quirk" of theirs, I'd believe them.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:33 PM
 
1,640 posts, read 3,280,550 times
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I'd try email. Texting has a certain "expectation" that you will be engaging in a conversation. Email is less pressure I think. Try emailing him and see if it helps.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:41 PM
 
128 posts, read 150,580 times
Reputation: 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by shaylahc View Post
I can see this from both sides.

I have a cell phone (not a smartphone) and I never use it. If anyone calls my cell or texts me, good luck. Email me or pick up the phone and call my landline.

I also had a friend years ago who was phobic of talking on the phone. This was before the time when cell phones were used for texting. So I'd call her, knowing she was home, and would have to leave messages on the answering machine. She would then email me at her convenience. It was very frustrating, but what could I do? Some people just need more patience and understanding from others. If this person says it's a known "quirk" of theirs, I'd believe them.
To me, it's a matter of being a mature, responsible adult. You treat people as you would want to be treated. You put in effort to maintain the relationships that mean something to you. You don't sit back and expect to be taken care of well into your thirties!

I think cutting him off is a great idea, because it will teach him the lesson that he can't have something for nothing.
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