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Old 03-30-2014, 03:42 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,287,875 times
Reputation: 1144

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I was over at a friends house and we were talking about a mutual friends ex-husband. I said, well there ware 2 sides to every story. She was furious that I said such a thing. My friend said that when people say that, it's like saying that's it's one persons fault.

What I meant by that, and I told her this as well, is that I have to hear both sides to make any decision about someone. To dislike someone based on what someone says about them, it's ignorant.

My friend has a lot of girlfriends who are "divorced" from terrible awful guys. I'm not saying that they aren't really terrible awful guys, just that I can't make up my mind until I meet them myself.

This is causing a rift in our relationship now. She thinks I'm wrong and I think she's being ignorant.

Thoughts?
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:04 PM
 
7,385 posts, read 13,229,957 times
Reputation: 8990
Your friend's an idiot.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:05 PM
 
Location: North Texas
23,991 posts, read 32,810,396 times
Reputation: 27521
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
I was over at a friends house and we were talking about a mutual friends ex-husband. I said, well there ware 2 sides to every story. She was furious that I said such a thing. My friend said that when people say that, it's like saying that's it's one persons fault.

What I meant by that, and I told her this as well, is that I have to hear both sides to make any decision about someone. To dislike someone based on what someone says about them, it's ignorant.

My friend has a lot of girlfriends who are "divorced" from terrible awful guys. I'm not saying that they aren't really terrible awful guys, just that I can't make up my mind until I meet them myself.

This is causing a rift in our relationship now. She thinks I'm wrong and I think she's being ignorant.

Thoughts?
She's being ridiculous. When you're talking about someone's marriage/relationship, there ARE two sides to every story because there are (at least) TWO people involved.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:14 PM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,926,451 times
Reputation: 10919
Be diplomatic: "wow... if that's really true, he is a jerk!"
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,347 posts, read 10,334,620 times
Reputation: 28473
if that's true implies someone's not telling the truth


Maybe 'I'm sorry to hear that' or 'glad it's not me'.

In this situation, I don't think anything other than male bashing would be acceptable.

OP-you're right. Question is-do you want it to affect your friendship?
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:31 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,287,875 times
Reputation: 1144
Thanks everyone. I've had friends, a husband, boyfriends, who I can tell someone all the bad stuff they to me but should whoever I tell actually dislike this person because of what I say? Or would the more impartial way of finding out about someone is to listen to them talk and make up your own mind?

I think you have to use your own mind and your judgement about people. Listen to both sides and then make up your mind.

Most people are hiding stuff anyway.
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:36 PM
 
447 posts, read 843,961 times
Reputation: 750
Next time, try telling them there are 3 sides to every story.

Your side

Their side

and the truth.
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,092,983 times
Reputation: 15768
I'd say you were probably a Libra. :-)

So - you're not even talking about HER husband, you're talking about a mutual friend's husband and she gets this defensive? Wow.

I find it incredible that so many "awful" guys married so many "blameless" women.
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,367 posts, read 12,124,717 times
Reputation: 16609
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Your friend's an idiot.
Your friend's an immature reactive idiot.
You are 100% correct.
I listen to my divorced friends and it goes right outta my head...means nothing what they
say beause it takes 2 to Tango...I love each the same.
Each made mikstakes...each could have done better.
So what's new.

My friend a therapist for years said the No.1 issue boils down to a
lack of appreciation. I agree.
In friendships also...its like rep points...praise is free...I give so many reps
they say no more in a 24 hr period!!!
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,367 posts, read 12,124,717 times
Reputation: 16609
The only time I take sides is when there was imbezzlement (running off
leaving the other with a $40k debt).
Or phys abuse.
Sorry. I draw the line.
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