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To make the big decision to bring a child into this world, or to adopt a child, is really all about the decision to constantly give gifts to that child. You give/gift your love. You gift money. You gift time. I think you get the picture!
A gift is just that! You don't demand or expect a return of it. However, it's always nice to be appreciated and receive a gift back--right?!
I think children should respect their parents and certainly once they are elderly to help them out. Before that, nice gestures are in order, not money but nice gestures as the thank you for all the sacrifices they have made for you. They probably feel unappreciated.
So you are a good parent, paying well over a hundred thousand dollars through the years for a thousand expenses. Everything from food, shelter, summer camps, school and athletic expenses to college.
Now the young woman is out in the world and doing quite well. Is it her turn to pay back the parents for all the money they invested to bring her up to the person she is today? My wife's parents felt this and believed that strongly. When they were alive they always demanded that my wife send them money. They kept saying, "we paid thousands for you, now it is our turn. We need you to share your wealth!"
What do you think? If you spent lots of money on your kids, once they are grown up and doing quite well, is it their turn to pay you back? (If they are doing quite well financially and you are not.)
Hell no.
If I had millions and my family had nothing, I would help without even being asked...unless they specifically told me NOT to. But for parents to ask their child to pay them back for the expense of having raised them? Outrageous.
No...your parents chose to have you. That was their expense...unless there was some agreement about paying back college loans.
Children do not come with a bill that parents send to them later on to reimburse the parent for expenses.
Now, if the parent is destitute and the child is doing well financially, then why wouldn't that child help their parents financially out of love? Everyone feels differently about this though. My parents raised four children. My parents were laborers. I wanted to give my parents a better retirement and proposed to my siblings that everyone send $50-$100 a month to Mom & Dad to help them out. Well...you would have thought the sky was falling the way my siblings acted...and they were all doing great financially. I did send my parents money every month, but my siblings said birthdays, Christmas, and Mother/Father's Day were enough for them. Whatever....
Anyway, children don't "owe" their parents money, but can offer it out of love if they can afford it financially.
In the mentality of asian culture children are expected to repay back when they become older because the parents raised them, otherwise you are unfilial or ingrates. Asians also view having children as to secure old age life, so there's someone to take care of you when you're old. Even though I do give my parents some money but I find that such expectations are unhealthy and I agree with this post
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Basically, when you have kids, you assume all financial responsibility for raising the kids. That's a choice made out of free will. Kids are not indebted to parents for just being born. Tell them to get over themselves.
Having children is a choice and responsibility of the parents where financial should be part of unconditional love and not for selfish reasons .
So you are a good parent, paying well over a hundred thousand dollars through the years for a thousand expenses. Everything from food, shelter, summer camps, school and athletic expenses to college.
Now the young woman is out in the world and doing quite well. Is it her turn to pay back the parents for all the money they invested to bring her up to the person she is today? My wife's parents felt this and believed that strongly. When they were alive they always demanded that my wife send them money. They kept saying, "we paid thousands for you, now it is our turn. We need you to share your wealth!"
What do you think? If you spent lots of money on your kids, once they are grown up and doing quite well, is it their turn to pay you back? (If they are doing quite well financially and you are not.)
As an obligation...NO! However, if the parents are in need of some financial help and the children are financially able, then out of love, they should.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin
No expectations of any return of funds.
My expectations of my investment is for them to enjoy their life, be successful, make babies and do for their kids what I did for them.
If I was destitute I know they would have the resources and desire to help good old dad out.
My kids only owe me the love and respect I gave them.
^^^Excellent post!
Reminds me of the movie "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner."
Quote:
I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you're supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another.
Maybe it's time for parents to realize that at 18 their former child is now an adult and can pay for their own college education. The parent should use that opportunity to rebuild their nest egg since their ingrate of a child is being indoctrinated to treat them like dirt once they've gotten theirs.
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