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Is it bad to feel good about being right? If that were the rule, we couldn't feel good about having gotten a 100 on a test, or about picking a stock that ends up rising.
It's not bad to feel good about being right. It's in bad taste to rub it in someone's face that you were right, and they were wrong. Especially if it's a friend or fond family member. I agree with the majority of this thread that it's pompous, belittling, gloating, and every other adjective that was used. It just seems so petty and childish.
I feel like you don't enjoy so much being right, but being able to point out that you're right. It seems like you get the most satisfaction from saying "I was right and you were wrong". To raise yourself up, why must you put down others? That is what you're doing.
When someone says "I told you so", to me, it's like they care more about being right then the feelings of the person they are saying it to...in other words, "being right at all cost".
the whole "i told you so" thing is just a perfect example of the hindsight bias...of course you will be happy to admit you are right when the events have played out.
One wonders how the OP would feel if someone DIDN'T take their advice, everything worked out fine, and said, "I told you so!"
Sometimes people take chances, and those chances don't work out, but that's doesn't mean they were "wrong" to make that choice. It means they took a risk, and usually, did so knowingly.
One wonders how the OP would feel if someone DIDN'T take their advice, everything worked out fine, and said, "I told you so!"
Sometimes people take chances, and those chances don't work out, but that's doesn't mean they were "wrong" to make that choice. It means they took a risk, and usually, did so knowingly.
I don't really care if someone takes my advice or not, except people I care deeply about of course. I'm always willing to admit when I am wrong. If I predicted a bad outcome if a person took some action, they disagreed with me, and then they took the action and had a positive outcome, I'd be glad for them. And I would believe they now had justification to tell me "I told you so." Then I'd be the one who learned a lesson.
I'm trying to think of an example of this, and when I do, I'll share it.
I don't really care if someone takes my advice or not, except people I care deeply about of course. I'm always willing to admit when I am wrong. If I predicted a bad outcome if a person took some action, they disagreed with me, and then they took the action and had a positive outcome, I'd be glad for them. And I would believe they now had justification to tell me "I told you so." Then I'd be the one who learned a lesson.
But wouldn't you have learned the lesson from the actual events that transpired? Do you really need someone rubbing in the fact that you were wrong in order to learn something?
Everyone keeps getting stuck on this "rubbing in" idea. It wouldn't be rubbing it in, meaning saying it just to try to make me feel bad. It would be, in the example I gave, a way to acknowledge that I was mistaken, and that since the other person turned out to be right, a friendly reminder to me that I need to re-think whatever position I was espousing.
Again, I'm not saying that I go around all the time saying "I told you so." It's actually pretty rare. And I acknowledge that in MANY cases, perhaps even in MOST cases, the person saying it is just saying it to "rub it in" or to be arrogant. But my whole point of the thread is that this is not true in ALL cases. There are exceptions. But it appears that nearly everyone who joined in the thread to disagree with me is talking in absolutes: it's always wrong to say "I told you so," it's always about rubbing it in or being an arrogant jerk, it's never called-for.
Apart from one poster who used the word "usually" (thank you for being intellectually honest) no one else seems to want to acknowledge that in SOME cases, "I told you so" is not about arrogance, schadenfreude, smugness, or exacerbating someone's pain. I gave some examples, and people just seem to come back with more general and blanket statements, without even seeing that in a few examples I gave, "I told you so" might be acceptable, warranted, or even beneficial.
Also, I don't go around handing out unsolicited advice, expecting everyone to follow it. But I also don't really argue with people about some outcome I predict will happen, unless I am extremely sure I'm correct. In the example of the policy change that affected my company, my research led me to conclude with probably over 90% certainty that this thing would happen and the company needed to be ready. If I had only been like 30% certain or even 50/50, I would not have advocated for the changes so vehemently, and I would not have (respectfully of course) argued with the pompous executive guy so strongly. Fortunately in that situation, though I was thinking "I told you so" and because the guy had been such a jerk, he would have deserved for me to say it, I was rescued because the CEO said publicly in a meeting "TracySam told you so." I didn't have to grin or nod my head or anything; I just kept my head down. But I felt damned good.
Everyone keeps getting stuck on this "rubbing in" idea. It wouldn't be rubbing it in, meaning saying it just to try to make me feel bad. It would be, in the example I gave, a way to acknowledge that I was mistaken, and that since the other person turned out to be right, a friendly reminder to me that I need to re-think whatever position I was espousing.
Again, I'm not saying that I go around all the time saying "I told you so." It's actually pretty rare. And I acknowledge that in MANY cases, perhaps even in MOST cases, the person saying it is just saying it to "rub it in" or to be arrogant. But my whole point of the thread is that this is not true in ALL cases. There are exceptions. But it appears that nearly everyone who joined in the thread to disagree with me is talking in absolutes: it's always wrong to say "I told you so," it's always about rubbing it in or being an arrogant jerk, it's never called-for.
Apart from one poster who used the word "usually" (thank you for being intellectually honest) no one else seems to want to acknowledge that in SOME cases, "I told you so" is not about arrogance, schadenfreude, smugness, or exacerbating someone's pain. I gave some examples, and people just seem to come back with more general and blanket statements, without even seeing that in a few examples I gave, "I told you so" might be acceptable, warranted, or even beneficial.
Also, I don't go around handing out unsolicited advice, expecting everyone to follow it. But I also don't really argue with people about some outcome I predict will happen, unless I am extremely sure I'm correct. In the example of the policy change that affected my company, my research led me to conclude with probably over 90% certainty that this thing would happen and the company needed to be ready. If I had only been like 30% certain or even 50/50, I would not have advocated for the changes so vehemently, and I would not have (respectfully of course) argued with the pompous executive guy so strongly. Fortunately in that situation, though I was thinking "I told you so" and because the guy had been such a jerk, he would have deserved for me to say it, I was rescued because the CEO said publicly in a meeting "TracySam told you so." I didn't have to grin or nod my head or anything; I just kept my head down. But I felt damned good.
Ok, what your not understanding and refuse to understand, is, it is in your culture to believe it's ok to do so, and that is what you were apparently raised to believe....however, it is not in my culture to believe it is ok to do that...there is no right or wrong answer....you asked, we commented and gave you our opinions, now take it or leave it?
But if I were you, I'd think about it a little harder....
while you deem it fine to do so, others may take high insult upon those words....it isn't about being right, or wrong, it's about how we all feel differently about things and respecting that.
in other words, words, can cut and hurt people very deeply regardless of how you feel it isn't insulting....some people are way more sensative then others.
Ok, what your not understanding and refuse to understand, is, it is in your culture to believe it's ok to do so, and that is what you were apparently raised to believe....however, it is not in my culture to believe it is ok to do that...there is no right or wrong answer....you asked, we commented and gave you our opinions, now take it or leave it?
But if I were you, I'd think about it a little harder....
while you deem it fine to do so, others may take high insult upon those words....it isn't about being right, or wrong, it's about how we all feel differently about things and respecting that.
in other words, words, can cut and hurt people very deeply regardless of how you feel it isn't insulting....some people are way more sensative then others.
Thank you for another intellectually honest response! Yes, I agree, you pointed out that to some people "I told you so" is perceived differently, maybe related to their culture, how they were raised, etc. But there is nothing necessarily in my "culture" that taught me "I told you so" is okay sometimes. In fact, I've always heard that notion that it's bad to say. That's what prompted me to explore where that idea came from, and whether there were exceptions to that rule.
When I respond to posters who disagree with me, I'm not shouting them down or refusing to see their points. I'm responding to points they make, challenging "always" and "never" absolutes (which are "never" correct) and clarifying further. I don't want anyone to interpret my responses to posters as trying to convince them or myself that I'm right. The nature of most of my responses has been in the form of "but what about...?"
I never said there should be a right or wrong answer, and in my OP I invited input, including agreement and disagreement.
I am aware of how words and phrases can affect people, and that it's likely that a person will interpret "I told you so" negatively. Again, I don't go around saying it.
I just wanted to discuss the idea that in SOME cases, "I told you so" is not necessarily bad and that in some other cases, some people need or deserve to hear it.
Everyone keeps getting stuck on this "rubbing in" idea. It wouldn't be rubbing it in, meaning saying it just to try to make me feel bad. It would be, in the example I gave, a way to acknowledge that I was mistaken, and that since the other person turned out to be right, a friendly reminder to me that I need to re-think whatever position I was espousing.
Look, here's the bottom line. It's apparent that the majority of people are going to interpret "I told you so" in a negative manner. You aren't going to change the world, no matter how right you think you are, so you have two choices - either refrain from saying or expect a negative reaction when you do.
Everyone keeps getting stuck on this "rubbing in" idea. It wouldn't be rubbing it in, meaning saying it just to try to make me feel bad. It would be, in the example I gave, a way to acknowledge that I was mistaken, and that since the other person turned out to be right, a friendly reminder to me that I need to re-think whatever position I was espousing.
And you keep getting stuck on the lesson being in the ITYS. The lesson is in the unfolding of the events. The ITYS does nothing to reinforce the lesson.
The only other benefit you have pointed out to saying ITYS is to make yourself feel good. And as I've mentioned before, you can certainly have the satisfaction of being right without saying the words. The act of saying ITYS is totally self-serving.
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