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Old 04-02-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,118 posts, read 10,254,685 times
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It's mean. Don't be mean!
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,848 posts, read 23,076,737 times
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If the point is simply enjoying feeling good about being right about something rather than rubbing someone's nose in their mistake...why not just keep your mouth shut? Feeling good about something doesn't have to involve gloating aloud does it? Feel good about yourself....to yourself. Win-win.
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:42 AM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,864,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
If the point is simply enjoying feeling good about being right about something rather than rubbing someone's nose in their mistake...why not just keep your mouth shut? Feeling good about something doesn't have to involve gloating aloud does it? Feel good about yourself....to yourself. Win-win.
It's not about gloating (well, with the pompous executive it was, but I feel strongly justified) but about feeling satisfaction in being right. That's different from gloating. Plus, the other person has the opportunity to learn an important lesson, and if they hear a polite "Didn't I tell you so" they are more likely to learn from the experience. Again, I'm not talking about random people whom I have no role in teaching life lessons, but people close to me, or who intentionally pull me in with requests for advice or assistance.

I'm not doing a little dance and saying "You were wro-ong, and I was ri-ight! I was ri-i-i-i-i-i-ight!"
I'm just saying "Do you remember when we talked about this, and I said this would happen? Let's look back on that..."
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:52 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,810,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
For the people who say it's never helpful, you might need to re-think that "never." My mom's "I told you so" was helpful to me, as I learned something that benefits me to this day. My "I told you so" to the nasty executive was helpful in that now people might listen to my opinions more, for the good of the company, and maybe the guy will learn to not belittle other members of mgmt. and act like he knows everything, because he ended up with pie on his face.
The lesson is learned before you even get around to saying "I told you so." If it's not learned, the "I told you so" won't help. No matter how you justify it, it's just about making yourself feel good at someone else's expense. It's NEVER (yes, I said never) necessary.
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:53 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,810,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
It's not about gloating (well, with the pompous executive it was, but I feel strongly justified) but about feeling satisfaction in being right.
You can have the satisfaction of being right without saying anything. Saying ITYS is nothing but gloating.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,848 posts, read 23,076,737 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
It's not about gloating (well, with the pompous executive it was, but I feel strongly justified) but about feeling satisfaction in being right. That's different from gloating. Plus, the other person has the opportunity to learn an important lesson, and if they hear a polite "Didn't I tell you so" they are more likely to learn from the experience. Again, I'm not talking about random people whom I have no role in teaching life lessons, but people close to me, or who intentionally pull me in with requests for advice or assistance.

I'm not doing a little dance and saying "You were wro-ong, and I was ri-ight! I was ri-i-i-i-i-i-ight!"
I'm just saying "Do you remember when we talked about this, and I said this would happen? Let's look back on that..."
Ah... it's only gloating when others do it. Got it.

If the point is for YOU to feel good about YOURSELF why does it need to involve sharing your "rightness" with those who happened to be wrong (this time)? You need to share? Go home and share with your SO.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
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The people who gloat about this probably also announce it to the world when they donate to a charitable non-profit organization.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:33 AM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,864,047 times
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Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Ah... it's only gloating when others do it. Got it.
I never said or implied that. Not sure where you're getting that. All I was saying was that because the executive guy was such a jerk to me and then I turned out to be right, he may have invited a bit of gloating from me. Likewise, when I was a jerky teenager to my Mom, and she turned out to be right, if she had gloated, I'd have deserved it.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:44 AM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,276,273 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
But to genuinely reinforce a lesson I hope the person should learn? Yes, I'll say "I told you so."

If someone asked my advice, and then took a path I had said might be a bad idea, and there were negative results, I might explain again why I advised what I advised. It's a "teachable moment," no?

Some of the best lessons I had as a kid and young adult involved some sort of "I told you so" or "What did I tell you would happen?" from my parents.


Agree? Disagree?
The above parts are the most telling. You're being condescending saying it, because you view yourself as their teacher. I doubt that, especially in that moment, they are viewing you as their teacher or mentor. It is much different when a parent does it in a teaching type of way (like, "What did I tell you would happen" rather than just "Told you so"), because parents are supposed to teach their kids that there are both positive and negative consequences to actions, and help their children learn to think through their choices before making them. But you're an adult, and you're speaking to other adults - they aren't your children, and they shouldn't be treated as such.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
It sounds smug and superior, and it does nothing to help the person you're saying it to. Really, it's just a snotty, ungracious thing to say.
This, basically. It sounds like you're looking down on them, "Well, that was so stupid of them to not do what I told them to do, so I'm going to use this as a teachable moment and say 'I told you so.'"

Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Again, I made it very clear that I wasn't talking about saying it to rub salt in someone's wound or to take pleasure in their misfortune. I'm taking pleasure in the fact that I accurately saw something coming.

So let's say you have a snotty teenager who thinks he knows everything...
The two bolded statements above contradict one another. You clearly aren't saying it because you're taking pleasure in a moment of clairvoyance, you're instead trying to correct someone's behavior how you see fit. You are talking down to someone when you say, "I told you so" because you are actually believing that you are teaching them a lesson. You aren't. You're merely teaching them that you're a jerk.
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Old 04-02-2014, 10:00 AM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,864,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisfitBanana View Post
The above parts are the most telling. You're being condescending saying it, because you view yourself as their teacher. I doubt that, especially in that moment, they are viewing you as their teacher or mentor. It is much different when a parent does it in a teaching type of way (like, "What did I tell you would happen" rather than just "Told you so"), because parents are supposed to teach their kids that there are both positive and negative consequences to actions, and help their children learn to think through their choices before making them. But you're an adult, and you're speaking to other adults - they aren't your children, and they shouldn't be treated as such.

Again, I don't do this with random people in my life. It's people for whom I have some responsibility, and people who invited me in by requesting my advice or assistance.


This, basically. It sounds like you're looking down on them, "Well, that was so stupid of them to not do what I told them to do, so I'm going to use this as a teachable moment and say 'I told you so.'"



The two bolded statements above contradict one another. You clearly aren't saying it because you're taking pleasure in a moment of clairvoyance, you're instead trying to correct someone's behavior how you see fit. You are talking down to someone when you say, "I told you so" because you are actually believing that you are teaching them a lesson. You aren't. You're merely teaching them that you're a jerk.
No, I'm not talking about "clairvoyance." I'm not psychic or special in any way. These are things I predicted based on my knowledge and experience, that led me to draw logical, educated conclusions about what will happen. The person who asked for my advice and help did so for a reason--my knowledge and experience--and with that request comes a lesson. It's not about being a jerk at all. It's helping them to prevent it from happening again. Or, at the very least, their lesson might be "don't ask people for help or advice and then reject it."
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