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Old 04-02-2014, 10:04 AM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,851,791 times
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Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Eureka CA
8,131 posts, read 11,031,581 times
Reputation: 12344
"I told you so" has no place in anyone's vocabulary. You are apparently too hard-headed to accept advice that doesn't comport with what you wanted to hear. Therefore you are wasting everyone's time. 'Bye.
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:44 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,807,066 times
Reputation: 16488
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
If you didn't learn the lesson from the actual outcome, you're not going to learn it from someone saying ITYS.

OP, you're just looking for us to justify your own self-serving behavior and it ain't gonna happen. Get over yourself.
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Old 04-02-2014, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,833 posts, read 23,061,620 times
Reputation: 37183
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
I never said or implied that. Not sure where you're getting that. All I was saying was that because the executive guy was such a jerk to me and then I turned out to be right, he may have invited a bit of gloating from me. Likewise, when I was a jerky teenager to my Mom, and she turned out to be right, if she had gloated, I'd have deserved it.
My bad...I misread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
Well...I don't know whether YOU need to hear that but most people understand a negative outcome is....negative. Now, if they are truly scratching their head about it, I'd guess it could be explained without the "I told you so". I guess I'm still not sure what postive outcome you believe arises out of saying ITYS? If there is no positive outcome, then again, what is the point, other than feeling smug and superior? You haven't addressed that.
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Old 04-02-2014, 02:18 PM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,851,791 times
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The point it to may be to drive the lesson home, when the person who had the negative outcome perhaps didn't really fully grasp the lesson. The tiny little bit of shame, frustration, anger, or other negative feeling I experience from someone telling me "I told you so" along with the lesson, makes me take the lesson much more seriously. If anything, it might make me say to the person who says I told you so, "wow, you were right, next time I'll take your advice." Then the person is better off. So the outcome is about them making a positive change in response to a life lesson, not about my feeling smug.


Really, I'm not being obstinate or self-serving; I'm exploring this issue, and I invited people to agree or disagree. But when people disagree saying absolutes like "it's always wrong to say it" then I need to point out that there are exceptions, so "always" is not correct.

When I was that teenager who was sure I'd never forget the stuff for my class presentation, and when my mom nagged me, I blew her off, and then I actually forgot the stuff because I didn't write myself a note, if my Mom had driven the stuff over to the school for me, or if the teacher let me go another day, or if my mom didn't make me feel just a little bad for blowing-off her advice, then maybe I would not have learned that lesson. She said some form of "I told you so" and because I hated the feeling it brought up in myself, I made sure I never forgot important things again. Now it's almost 30 years later, and I'm still benefiting from that lesson. So I'm the only person in the world who learned an important lesson in that way? I seriously doubt it.

Maybe "I told you so" is unpleasant to hear, but the good thing is that when we hear it, we're likely to change our behavior so as not to ever hear it again. And as a result, we're better off.
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Old 04-02-2014, 02:29 PM
 
9,905 posts, read 9,275,007 times
Reputation: 8035
I actually prefer when one of my daughters or son looks at me and says ..."well you told me so didn't you mom!"

I have never used the "I told you so" and the satisfaction is so much greater when the person realizes "wow I was warned!" There is really no reason to actually rub it in and most of the time the 'whatever' turns into a learning experience.
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Old 04-02-2014, 02:36 PM
 
20,286 posts, read 16,458,540 times
Reputation: 38087
Why ask people what they think only to turn around and insist everyone is wrong? I don't think people will "learn" they better listen to you next time, probably they won't even tell you what's going on with them next time. Regardless of how you mean it when you say it, it's perceived as rubbing salt in the wound or being a know-it-all, and perception is everything.
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:56 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,644,068 times
Reputation: 2156
I don't think you're an arrogant jerk in the least. I just don't think saying I told you so is ever more for the benefit of the person it's being said to than for the benefit of the one saying it. Being wrong has a more lasting impression on a person than someone else being right.

I also don't think you need to verbalize that you were right in order to hammer home the fact that your insight may be worth listening to in the future or ensure a change in their behavior. The person will either glean that from the outcome or not care and they'll either change or, like many, keep making the same mistakes anyhow.

I'm not knocking your sentiment. I'm the queen of telling people what I think they or those within earshot need to hear for their own good even if it's not what they want to hear and even if it'll tick them off, but I also accept that some may deem me an a$$hole because of it and that's fine lol

All that matters to me is that I know I'm saying it out of concern because I feel strongly that this is an opinion they should consider, having nothing at all to do with my ego, me wanting to be right or prove that I know better than they do or that I know anything at all. Saying I told you so doesn't meet that criteria for me.

Last edited by cyberphonics; 04-02-2014 at 04:09 PM..
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Old 04-02-2014, 04:04 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,578,114 times
Reputation: 45995
Because it's an act of egotism at the expense of the person who has already suffered a setback. It's nothing more than salt in the wound. It's self-aggrandizement, really.

If you actually want to help the person, you let them decide when they want to talk about it.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:24 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,109,585 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
You are just trying to justify being an arrogant jerk. If it is working for you...then why ask a message board? However, I gather that it's not working well...and you just don't want to change so you are trying to make excuses.

Enjoy your schadenfreude quietly....it's the adult thing to do if you can't manage any empathy.
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