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Old 04-02-2014, 05:46 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,323,014 times
Reputation: 1871

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
No, nobody deserves to be taunted when they are already feeling bad about a choice gone wrong.

I never tell people "I told you so." I either tell them "I'm sorry to hear that" or "Good to hear that," whichever applies to their outcome.

What is to be gained by rubbing salt in somebody's wounds?

On a side note, though, I REALLY dislike it when people offer NO advice and then act superior when a person makes a mistake. Ugh. That's really annoying.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:57 PM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,807,974 times
Reputation: 16488
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.
You know, the other thing that bothers me about this post is that you seem to be suggesting that when someone asks for advice, they're somehow obligated to follow that advice.

I often ask advice from multiple people, and come to my own decision. Sometimes the advice I receive is sound, sometimes it's not. I'd hate to think that any friend I ask advice of would get bent out of shape if I didn't follow their advice.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:09 PM
 
533 posts, read 854,404 times
Reputation: 772
If someone asks my advice, ignores it and later comes whining about it, then yes, some version of "I told you so" is going to come out of my mouth. But I don't enjoy it, it just irritates me further. On some level I think people who ask others' advice already know they are going to disregard it and coming back for the "I told you so" is part of their game.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:01 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,088 posts, read 17,506,015 times
Reputation: 10298
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
What's really so bad about "I told you so"?
Because it makes the person saying that seem like an arrogant axxhole.

[why not just kick them while their down, too?]
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:17 PM
 
255 posts, read 330,057 times
Reputation: 389
Usually when someone says "I hate to say it..." they are actually enjoying it. They are happy that they were right about it. It's like when someone starts off saying "No offense but..." you know full well that what they're about to say is offensive.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,088 posts, read 17,506,015 times
Reputation: 10298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley868 View Post
Usually when someone says "I hate to say it..." they are actually enjoying it. They are happy that they were right about it. It's like when someone starts off saying "No offense but..." you know full well that what they're about to say is offensive.
Exactly. Like saying, "With all due respect." Everytime someone says that to me, I know the person is about to insult me.

[and then they do it]
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Old 04-03-2014, 02:12 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,823 posts, read 6,346,018 times
Reputation: 4885
It's one of those lines that's wrong on all levels. I get it from my so called boss where I volunteer. She can't help but wallow and roll in her own glory when her "prediction" comes true. When kittens that were brought in sick, die. I told ya they would, you should have had the vet euthanize them!! but you never hear anything about those that do make it! It's only used when the person gets satisfaction from being right, no matter what a horrible outcome it is! It's rubbing salt. It's saying you're right just for the fact of being right; it offers nothing except negative feelings to the person you're saying it to at a time they need a bit of comfort or at least understanding.
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Old 04-03-2014, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,039 posts, read 8,283,809 times
Reputation: 19259
Quote:
Originally Posted by apexgds View Post
You know, the other thing that bothers me about this post is that you seem to be suggesting that when someone asks for advice, they're somehow obligated to follow that advice.

I often ask advice from multiple people, and come to my own decision. Sometimes the advice I receive is sound, sometimes it's not. I'd hate to think that any friend I ask advice of would get bent out of shape if I didn't follow their advice.
Good points.

I also think that people need to learn from their own experiences, including learning things the hard way.

If something doesn't turn out like you'd thought, and even if others told you it might turn out that way, IMO, the lesson "sticks" when it's you that experienced it versus simply taking someone else's word for it.
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Old 04-03-2014, 09:09 AM
 
443 posts, read 399,336 times
Reputation: 1184
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Let's turn the tables, since everyone seems to think I'm an arrogant jerk.

Let's say I'm an arrogant jerk, always acting like a know-it-all about things, but I ASK you for help and advice about something. You give me well-thought-out advice, and give me clear educated predictions about the possible outcomes of doing A vs. B. Even though I ASKED you for help, I now totally disregard what you advised and predicted. I tell you that despite your advice, I know better. Then I have a negative outcome, and I come to you complaining about it.

Aren't you now justified in saying "I told you so"? Don't I need to hear that, whether I enjoy hearing it or not?
No problem, if you want to stoop to their level and be an "arrogant jerk", then by all means, the ITYS is appropriate.

ITYS is a negative response and is demeaning. The only thing it conveys is "I'm better than you".

There are a multitude of more positive, constructive responses...

"I appreciate the work environment that allowed me to explore options, potential problems, and growth opportunities."

"It's an area that has intrigued me and I spent a lot of time thinking and analyzing."

"I'm glad I was able to contribute something we can build on now. How should we continue?"

The person who screws up already knows you were right. Now, you have the chance to show them you have class too.

Being a good "winner" is just as important as being a good "loser".
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Old 04-03-2014, 09:19 AM
 
9,558 posts, read 4,490,926 times
Reputation: 12293
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
Again, I made it very clear that I wasn't talking about saying it to rub salt in someone's wound or to take pleasure in their misfortune. I'm taking pleasure in the fact that I accurately saw something coming.

Is it bad to feel good about being right? If that were the rule, we couldn't feel good about having gotten a 100 on a test, or about picking a stock that ends up rising.
Keep saying it and maybe you'll come to believe it, but in my experience the phrase is usually used to gloat and chastise. Why can't you feel good about being right without announcing it? Are you wanting others to praise your glory?

It may be more acceptable if it's about something Good that happened but in my experience it's usually not.
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