U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-04-2014, 01:46 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,076 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Hi Everyone,

I'm posting here because I'm not sure how much more I can take. My husband and I are in our early thirties, no children. My husband does well financially and we have a great life. We travel often
and do things that several of my friends and family can't do. We are going away to Carribbean next month and lately I have been hearing alot of sarcasm and comments from people regarding our traveling. Saying things like "that must be nice" or "living the good life". It doesn't come across as them being happy for me, but it comes across as resentful or jealous. I'm starting to feel guilty for being able to do these things and they can't.

I feel like I have to quiet about the positive things in my life.. How to deal with this??
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-04-2014, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,076 posts, read 8,345,715 times
Reputation: 19437
They are jealous. As long as you know that, it doesn't really matter.

Everyone makes choices in life. SO and I don't have kids, and we've had a chance to travel as well. My cousin has 3 kids and has said she's envious about places we go, but she also acknowledges that we have all made different life choices, and neither is better than the other.

You should not feel guilty for where your choices have taken you. You don't need to brag about them, but I wouldn't hide anything if asked, either.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,398 posts, read 7,923,957 times
Reputation: 53508
It's sad that you feel bad about being successful. Your friends and family should be happy for you. Don't feel guilty about having things and being able to do things that others can't. I'm sure you've earned it. I would keep your trips and purchases low key and mostly to yourself unless it's blatantly obvious to your friends and family and you can't avoid talking about it. It's difficult to enjoy a hardy meal with hungry faces looking through the glass at your plate, but enjoying that meal behind closed doors without prying eyes is much more enjoyable. What your friends and family don't know won't hurt them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 03:39 PM
 
1,202 posts, read 802,479 times
Reputation: 4298
This happens to me too. I just keep it low key anymore. I'm going to HI next month and am super excited but I'm not telling to many people. You and you spouse has worked hard and made good choices with your money so don't feel quilty about enjoying yourselves. They would go in a heartbeat if they were in your place.

I've been to the Caribbian and it is beautiful, Have Fun
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 04:04 PM
 
18,354 posts, read 23,527,654 times
Reputation: 34402
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorinneBoston View Post
Hi Everyone,

I'm posting here because I'm not sure how much more I can take. My husband and I are in our early thirties, no children. My husband does well financially and we have a great life. We travel often
and do things that several of my friends and family can't do. We are going away to Carribbean next month and lately I have been hearing alot of sarcasm and comments from people regarding our traveling. Saying things like "that must be nice" or "living the good life". It doesn't come across as them being happy for me, but it comes across as resentful or jealous. I'm starting to feel guilty for being able to do these things and they can't.

I feel like I have to quiet about the positive things in my life.. How to deal with this??
we are the sum result of mostly our decisions....we create our own path..
unfortunately many folks make alot of bad decisions,,,, and they start blaming everyone else and get jealous of anyone successful...

they may be ultimately angry at themselves because they made poor choices and cant do what you are..

so yes its jealousy with some "angst" towards themselves that they wont admit..


enjoy yourself ,,,dont feel guilty
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 07:21 PM
 
Location: On a lake
45 posts, read 48,786 times
Reputation: 176
When I became successful financially and pulled ahead of my friends and other people I know I could feel the jealousy. People just did not treat me the same anymore.

What I have learned and hopefully a help to you is that all you can do is to not tell people anything you don't have to about your things and your travel. just go on about your life and don't let it bother you. If "friends" start to treat you badly then you need to move on and find new friends. Some people just cannot stand to see people with more than they have especially people that used to be on the same level financially with them. I have not seen that these kind of people ever get used to you having more.

Just move on. You have done well so enjoy your life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 07:59 PM
 
526 posts, read 741,632 times
Reputation: 803
Can get awkward congratulating a person on an upcoming adventure....the wealthy friend says "you ought to go!" saying "it must be nice" kinda stops that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,035 posts, read 17,354,477 times
Reputation: 41379
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorinneBoston View Post
Hi Everyone,

I'm posting here because I'm not sure how much more I can take. My husband and I are in our early thirties, no children. My husband does well financially and we have a great life. We travel often
and do things that several of my friends and family can't do. We are going away to Carribbean next month and lately I have been hearing alot of sarcasm and comments from people regarding our traveling. Saying things like "that must be nice" or "living the good life". It doesn't come across as them being happy for me, but it comes across as resentful or jealous. I'm starting to feel guilty for being able to do these things and they can't.

I feel like I have to quiet about the positive things in my life.. How to deal with this??
I can relate.

Several of my siblings take more trips in one year than I have taken in the last 15 years. Am I jealous and envious? Yes. Do I show it? No. Am I happy for them? Yes, I really am. Do they brag about the trips? No, they share photographs and stories, when appropriate but they never brag.

My SIL flies first class to about 8 to 10 cities a year and most of the time I am not even aware of her trips unless I happen to call my brother and he mentions that she is in Miami, or Los Angeles, or Dallas for the weekend.

One of my brothers just left for a two week vacation and the only reason that I know that is because my siblings were trying to set up a date to meet for dinner this weekend. If we would have tried to do that in early May I may not have even realized that he had been gone unless he mentioned it.

Is it possible that you are bragging about the trips too much? Or encouraging people to ask about them?

Although, my siblings have never invited me on any trips or offered to pay for them I do know several people who do that. Every few years several sisters that I know (now in their 50s) go on vacation together. One of the sisters has a lot more money than her siblings and pays for a much greater percentage of the trip (they worked it out that they divide expenses by income). That works out for them.

In another family the parents are extremely wealthy. For the last 30 plus years the parents have taken the children (and now their children's spouse, and grandchildren, and a few grandchildren's spouses and great-grandkids) on a two week all expense paid vacation to someplace exotic. That works for them.

As I said my siblings have never offered to pay for a vacation for me but they have promised, and I know that they mean it, that if something bad happens they will never let me starve and be homeless. That means more to me than going on any vacation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 10:15 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,198,727 times
Reputation: 2773
Jealousy is an ugly thing, and some people get so overcome with it that they start lashing out at you and never stop. These people have no boundaries when it comes to this, because instead of owning their own position in life, they decide that you don't deserve to have yours and therefore deserve to be punished for it.

What you need to do is to stop taking on that punishment. People WILL hate on you in your life, and it is not your job to appease them - it IS your job to take care of yourself and turn your back on the haters.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2014, 11:22 PM
 
10,817 posts, read 8,063,256 times
Reputation: 17029
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorinneBoston View Post
Hi Everyone,

We are going away to Carribbean next month and lately I have been hearing alot of sarcasm and comments from people regarding our traveling. Saying things like "that must be nice" or "living the good life". It doesn't come across as them being happy for me, but it comes across as resentful or jealous. I'm starting to feel guilty for being able to do these things and they can't.

I feel like I have to quiet about the positive things in my life.. How to deal with this??
I know you're excited about the trip but broadcasting it a month ahead of time to folks you know can't afford it is not the best approach. And it's not realistic to expect them to share your excitement, regardless of their financial situation. It's YOUR plans, not theirs.

Amongst my and DH's siblings, we're fortunate. We all have children, all of us can afford to travel and we do, frequently. But there's one couple in those 7 siblings & spouses who is especially well-off and spends more time abroad than at home. What they do, ahead of time, is email the rest of us something like "we're leaving next week, will back mid-May, you have our contact info".
If we want to know where they're going, we ask. Usually though, we wait until they get back to say "Where did you go, what did you see/do?". We then enjoy hearing about the trip and our interest is heartfelt, largely because we don't feel like they've pushed their experiences upon us.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top