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Old 04-06-2014, 08:09 AM
MJ7
 
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When I'm that old you better believe it would be nice to go out under my childrens care. Because I feel this way I will do the same for my parents.
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Old 04-06-2014, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Up North in God's Country
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Default Elderly Parents' Care

I'm doing it now. I was my father's caregiver until he died, and now I am my mother's caregiver. Nobody said it is easy, but they couldn't live alone anymore. I'm the only one of their children living near them. Maybe your friend will feel differently as he ages.

There may reach a point when a child is not able to take care of the parent anymore, and that is what nursing homes are for. We finally ended up with hospice care in the house for my father, so I had some help near the end.
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Old 04-06-2014, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
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Should? Absolutely not. They are in no means obligated to give a .

However, if your kids love you or even if you have just not totally p$%sed them off, they will WANT to make sure you are taken care of. My mother is in her 60s and still very much independent, in excellent shape, and working. She thankfully is in pretty solid financial shape so if she needs a FT caretaker or nursing home that can happen with a little good research.
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Old 04-06-2014, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I've been thinking about this topic for quite sometime.

I love my parents with all my heart and of course I want to take care of them when they get older. I have a friend who refuses to take care of his mother and I am a little bit bothered by this.

According to him, every responsible adult should be taking care of him or herself, they shouldn't be rely on their adult children to take care of them.

What do you think? Do you think it is adult children's responsibility to take care of their parents?
What type of history does he have with his mother? That is something I'd want to know before passing ANY judgement. My father is already dead but if he was needed assistance I would NOT lift a finger because it would not be convenient for me to do so and he was a father to me at his convenience. One good screw deserves another.
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Old 04-06-2014, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Seattle Area
1,716 posts, read 1,579,961 times
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No Never!
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Old 04-06-2014, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,644 posts, read 4,760,087 times
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Legally? No.

Morally? Maybe, depends on what you mean by "care", and what kind of relationship you had over your entire life. If you had a normal, healthy, loving relationship then "care" to me means at least a roof over their head, sufficient food, and medical needs attended to, not necessarily by the child in person. It can just be making sure that these needs are met, at LEAST, by finding the resources and help that may be available through various agencies if the child is unable to assist in any financial way. If the parent was abusive or the relationship deteriorated because of the parent's behavior, then I think it is not a moral obligation.
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Old 04-06-2014, 09:48 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,479,606 times
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To a degree, yes...
  • If your parent is in a nursing home or assisted living center, I think you should be making sure their parents aren't being neglected or abused.
  • If your parent has prescriptions, then I think you should make sure that they are taking their meds and to get them refilled.
  • If they live alone, I think it's your responsibility to check on them.

As much as I resent my mom, I would feel awful if she lived alone and was dead for weeks or fell down and couldn't get up. It would be nice to visit, take them out, and give them gifts or cash every once and a while - but not necessary.
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:25 AM
 
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This topic hits home for me. It is a very polarized subject too. I truly believe it is very difficult for adult children who have a good relationship with their parents to understand why any adult child would forsake a parent (s). But you MUST be willing to see the fact not everyone who has children is necessarily a good, moral individual. In my case, my parents divorced when I was 3 yrs old, dad was not allowed in my life, & my mother has a raging personality disorder. There is NO CURE FOR PERSONALITY DISORDERS. Being a "good & moral" person, I still tried to take care of her all by myself. It nearly cost me my life and sanity. She is now in an assisted living facility and although it's still not easy, and I do occasionally wrestle with guilt, it was truly the only option.
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:29 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,969,248 times
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Sheesh what happened to family values?

I hope the people who say their parents should take care of themselves (and have kids) never get to a phase where they can't take care of themselves and don't have the means to pay someone to take care of them. No wonder elderly people resort to reverse mortgages and then their kids are mad that they don't have an inheritance!

There was a story I read once, I believe it was an Aesop's Fable, where an old man was living with his son and the son's wife and they had a small child. The old man was getting feeble and messy when he ate, so they made him eat in a corner on the floor. One day they decided to kick the old man out and couldn't decide whether to give the old man a a complete blanket or a half. Then the baby chimed in and said "give him half, and save the other half for when you are old and I put you on the street." The parents looked at each and after that not only did the son keep his father with him, his father always ate at the table with the family.

You reap what you sow and I hope when my children see that I take care of their ailing grandparents that they are instilled with a sense of family and that when I'm old and if I need them they don't hesitate to do what they can to care for us.

I mean OBVIOUSLY I want to put myself in a position where I can take care of myself and can afford my care, but things happen!

I'm just shaking my head at someone who would tell their parents they are on their own when they reach out to their kids. How sad! :'(
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
Sheesh what happened to family values?

I hope the people who say their parents should take care of themselves (and have kids) never get to a phase where they can't take care of themselves and don't have the means to pay someone to take care of them. No wonder elderly people resort to reverse mortgages and then their kids are mad that they don't have an inheritance!

There was a story I read once, I believe it was an Aesop's Fable, where an old man was living with his son and the son's wife and they had a small child. The old man was getting feeble and messy when he ate, so they made him eat in a corner on the floor. One day they decided to kick the old man out and couldn't decide whether to give the old man a a complete blanket or a half. Then the baby chimed in and said "give him half, and save the other half for when you are old and I put you on the street." The parents looked at each and after that not only did the son keep his father with him, his father always ate at the table with the family.

You reap what you sow and I hope when my children see that I take care of their ailing grandparents that they are instilled with a sense of family and that when I'm old and if I need them they don't hesitate to do what they can to care for us.

I mean OBVIOUSLY I want to put myself in a position where I can take care of myself and can afford my care, but things happen!

I'm just shaking my head at someone who would tell their parents they are on their own when they reach out to their kids. How sad! :'(
Have you considered that some of us have one or more parents who don't believe in "family values" by their treatment of us?

You reap what you sow, eh? Well, if parents are so toxic to their kids that their kids have no problem leaving them to wither away, then those parents ARE reaping what they are sowing.
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