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I've been thinking about this topic for quite sometime.
I love my parents with all my heart and of course I want to take care of them when they get older. I have a friend who refuses to take care of his mother and I am a little bit bothered by this.
According to him, every responsible adult should be taking care of him or herself, they shouldn't be rely on their adult children to take care of them.
What do you think? Do you think it is adult children's responsibility to take care of their parents?
I don't use the word should.
I did.
And I'm glad I did with patience and kindness,
now that chapter is closed.
What does a child do? Turn their backs?
I'm no judge of another...but I sure wouldn't want to have to
come back and have to deal with them again!!
Nope, that chapter is closed and tied up with a bow.
Bye-bye...that karma is over...
I don't see how my wife and I can provide a lot of hands-on care for my parents or her parents. We have a little one of our own and each have our own jobs to work at, leaving little time for hands-on care.
We can care for them by sending them cards, making phone calls, visiting, etc. But not actual hands-on care. Sadly, should they require it, a nursing home or extended living facility will be required.
There are all sorts of discussions in the caregiving forum about what adult children owe their parents, and what spouses owe their husbands and wives. Lots of stories. If you read many of those, you begin to realize that there isn't one answer to a question that could have so many facets.
If the parent becomes demented, needs care, and cannot care for him or herself, then the adult child would need to step forward and assist, if only to make sure the parent is cared for properly by others. But I think you are asking, should a prosperous child give financial assistance to an impoverished parent.
I think if the two are at opposite extremes, then yes. I think he or she should. But again, there are so many possible arrangements of circumstances, that it is hard to give a hard and fast answer.
If the parent becomes demented, needs care, and cannot care for him or herself, then the adult child would need to step forward and assist, if only to make sure the parent is cared for properly by others.
That pretty much addresses the issue in the broad sense of the OP query. Yes, someone must step up and do something.
There are all sorts of discussions in the caregiving forum about what adult children owe their parents, and what spouses owe their husbands and wives. Lots of stories. If you read many of those, you begin to realize that there isn't one answer to a question that could have so many facets.
If the parent becomes demented, needs care, and cannot care for him or herself, then the adult child would need to step forward and assist, if only to make sure the parent is cared for properly by others. But I think you are asking, should a prosperous child give financial assistance to an impoverished parent.
I think if the two are at opposite extremes, then yes. I think he or she should. But again, there are so many possible arrangements of circumstances, that it is hard to give a hard and fast answer.
Yeah, the Caregiving forum is littered with discussion about this very topic.
"It depends" is the only real answer. Everyone's life circumstances are different.
Yeah, the Caregiving forum is littered with discussion about this very topic.
"It depends" is the only real answer. Everyone's life circumstances are different.
It depends not only on the adult children's other responsibilities, but even more so on how the parents have treated the adult child IMO. Morally, I do think there's generally some obligation. Legally, there probably shouldn't be, but there is in some states.
If the parent was abusive, there's no moral obligation. If the parent booted the child out of the house on their 18th birthday with no assistance provided ever again, there's no moral obligation. If it's been a mutually supportive relationship where both parent and child are there for each other when needed, then there is a moral obligation.
It depends not only on the adult children's other responsibilities, but even more so on how the parents have treated the adult child IMO. Morally, I do think there's generally some obligation. Legally, there probably shouldn't be, but there is in some states.
If the parent was abusive, there's no moral obligation. If the parent booted the child out of the house on their 18th birthday with no assistance provided ever again, there's no moral obligation. If it's been a mutually supportive relationship where both parent and child are there for each other when needed, then there is a moral obligation.
Well said. I'm sure there are and will be many abusive parents spending pretty pathetic "golden years" wondering why their kids won't help.
In my case I will do everything I can to support my Mom but as you pointed out it is pay back because she supported me in every way growing up and then even more when I had my children. I will spend every minute I can with her because she is 87 and may not have many more years.
My friend had a very different experience growing up and has struggled to overcome the trauma of her childhood. She feels that she owes her mother nothing and I completely agree, you reap what you sow.
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