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My MIL is crazy. The rest of my husband's family fall somewhere in between annoying people I would never otherwise associate with and okay. To be fair, my husband is nothing like them and he totally gets why I don't care for them. He will see them because it's family---me? I probably would have cut them out a long time ago.
Thanks to my work schedule, I don't see them very often. I actually can't remember the last time I saw them---I saw his brother/girlfriend a few months ago and the rest of them? Must have been more than six months already. My MIL is completely toxic so my husband is fine with me avoiding her at most times and we've agreed, based on her crazy behavior, no one is allowed to have my phone number on his side of the family.
Boundaries are so important, really. My husband and I communicate about this stuff whenever the situation arises.
It's funny, I'm in marriage #3. Both of my ex MIL and I didn't get along very well, until after the divorce. #2 and I were civil and could talk and get along with each other, but there were times when we both wanted to tear each other's throat out. But she and my ex BIL would come by my house after the divorce to say hi and see how I was doing. She even told me a few times that she was sorry! WOW!
Ex #1 was always mad at me for getting her teenage daughter pregnant. (Her deputy sheriff husband wasn't too happy either!). But, just like #2, we could see each other and stop and talk for a minute with out getting mad!
Fortunately, I get along with my SO's mom very well but it took awhile and wasn't always that way. The only birthday card I received last year was from her. It's kind of easy for her to remember since her's is one day later than mine but it really went a long way with me.
My SO's mom has a superiority complex. She rules the roost but not me. She gets so mad when I exercise my free will as an adult. She'd prefer all in the household to be as scared as 8 yr old children. But I'm not. And that makes her so mad that she cannot control me. LOL
I don't pick people with family problems. They are usually just as bitter as the family members whom they despise and do their best to spread it around amongst those they are close to.
Agreed. You want a significant other, not a patient.
I have only had one relationship where I did not feel entirely comfortable around, and even came to dislike, members of a partner's family, and that was my most recent.
His mom and I got along, but only after effort on my part after she got very offended that I took her and a few others off my Facebook. She wouldn't even look at me at events for a few months afterward. Eventually she got over it, and although I added her back as part of my peace-keeping mission, I made good use of FB's options to select who saw what, and hid a lot of things from her and his family.
As for the ones I grew to dislike, they were vocal racists and homophobes. I started bowing out of gatherings because they had become "Pick on the Liberal Day." (And my SO's mother wondered why I took her and others in his family off my FB. I certainly did not pick fights at the dinner table, and they had to deduce my beliefs somehow.) My SO lacked the courage of his own convictions--he tended to agree with me but never said anything. I'd be lying if I said it didn't chip away at my respect for him. My distaste for certain of his relatives was just one more factor in our break-up. I can't say I miss dealing with any of that.
It's interesting, too, because my ex-husband had some real winners in his extended family: homophobes, bigots, rednecks, and a couple of compulsive liars. But never once were any of them rude to me. Despite their odious beliefs, they at least had the sense and the class not to discuss them at family gatherings.
It really comes down to good breeding and manners. Some people have them. Some people don't.
I can't stand my BF's dad, brother, & sister. His mom & other brother are OK I guess. Fortunately, he can't stand his own dad either & he's not that close with his sister.
I haven't gone to a family function with him in years. There's something next month though that I can't really avoid, well, I could, but if I don't show up to this event, it would really be like saying, I don't give a $---. I'm sure his family figured that out by now, but they hopefully just think I'm really busy.
I'd like to have had a closer relationship with his mother all these years, but oh well, you can't reverse the hands of time.
If you love your GF you make it work...continue to be cordial...don't necessarily have to be close. If you see a future with this woman probably best to swallow your pride and get along more than that. That's my advice and it's advice I didn't take.
Had a similar situation with my Ex wife's mom and comments she made toward me. I told my ex wife I didn't appreciate the comments and let it go at that...In 4 plus years I was cordial but never ever went above and beyond that even though I'm usually very personable to everyone. She got the drift and shut her mouth, but we were never close and I didn't really want to be.
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Eventually she got over it, and although I added her back as part of my peace-keeping mission, I made good use of FB's options to select who saw what, and hid a lot of things from her and his family. 
