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I was raised in a family of huggers and even a kiss on the cheek. Hubby was raised in a no-touching family. We have three grown children and over the years I have watched my husband change from a standing stiff as a board when hugged by my family and our kids to a more relaxed hugger. LOL
Even now when our children stop by we get and give a hug and kiss from our son and daughters and always I love you mom, I love you dad. Our teenage grandchild was raised a hugger too and when he visits I always get plenty of hugs and I love you MawMaw, same thing to his PawPaw. There is no strings attached to this show of affection, no sexual innuendos, just love and happy to see you. It makes one's heart feel good inside.
Our family doesn't run around hugging perverts or strangers in the mall but we do show our love and affection for each other and our family members by the simple hugs.
I was watching one of my nephews the other day, he's 4 years old. My brother arrived with him, he started running and jumped to my father's lap to greet him. My father was clearly uncomfortable, which is not surprising knowing him.
Grandpa was uncomfortable? Because his grandson jumped into his lap? Poor little kid. Stuck with an uptight grandpa who is missing out on the good stuff.
I absolutely know that I shouldn't have children, even though I want them. It's not the same thing.
Why are you selling yourself short? I think the reason you're afraid is because of your upbringing, not because you're afraid of loosing freedom. We get to a point in life where all that going out never changes. You said yourself that you don't go out that often so if you get married and have a child, you can leave your baby with the grandparents for a sleepover. My husband and I did that and still do that from time to time. It's about changing your priorities. Your brother has broken that no-affection cycle. You can too.
Why are you selling yourself short? I think the reason you're afraid is because of your upbringing, not because you're afraid of loosing freedom. We get to a point in life where all that going out never changes. You said yourself that you don't go out that often so if you get married and have a child, you can leave your baby with the grandparents for a sleepover. My husband and I did that and still do that from time to time. It's about changing your priorities. Your brother has broken that no-affection cycle. You can too.
Yeah, I don't get that, either. You go through ONE time in life (most likely). If you sit frozen throughout your one life, that's it. It was your one chance to live and you chose to just sit there.
Not saying OP should have kids (at least until after some big changes) - but to sit and watch the "love of your life" get married to someone else, because you are afraid to have a life - that's sad.
I'm not advocating the denial of a hug to a child. I'm advocating the right of the grandfather to not be forced into a situation he is not comfortable with. Some dony like being touched like that and that view should be respected.
It's tricky, given that 4 year olds don't have much of a sense of personal space. Yet I think there's also an appropriate age to teach children that other people have boundaries and personal space and may not like being touched.
I'm not a touchy-feeling person. I don't like being touched randomly, even by people I know. I DREAD the Passing of the Peace at church and how it gives complete strangers license to come and hug me. (I usually take a well timed bathroom break to avoid the nonconsensual hug fest).
I'm pretty affectionate with my SO. I'll briefly hug my parents (they're not really buggy-bear type people either).
And I don't think I'm a broken human being. There's a lot of ways to show affection and love. Touching is just one of them.
Grandpa was uncomfortable? Because his grandson jumped into his lap? Poor little kid. Stuck with an uptight grandpa who is missing out on the good stuff.
My father grew up in the late 40s/50s. He won't change, he's very reserved by nature.
Your culture is clearly different than mine. People show affection in many different ways. Maybe a talk on how to respect grandpa's feelings and to recognize body language?
I don't have kids and I'm childfree. I don't run across many 4 year olds but I just don't like random people touching me every which a way including kids. I will say it again, I think the grandpa has a right to personal space and it is the grandpas responsibility to tell the 4 year old that he is not comfortable with hugging and the uncle should stay out of it.
It's VERY obvious that have ZERO experience with children. Telling a 4 year old not to do something is like talking to spaghetti. You get the same result.
It's VERY obvious that have ZERO experience with children. Telling a 4 year old not to do something is like talking to spaghetti. You get the same result.
Sounds like bad parenting. I tell my 2 year old nephew not to do stuff, and he listens. Hell, I can tell my puppy "no" or "stop", and it stops.
This idea that kids get to do whatever they want to whomever they want, just because they are young is ridiculous.
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