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Old 04-08-2014, 04:44 AM
jw2
 
2,028 posts, read 2,623,767 times
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Your mother's son (aka your brother?) with all that against him has found a job and you haven't?

There is a common malady these days, and that is sponging off the parents. I may be wrong, but it seems to me, you have given up on your life and have chosen to just become a self-appointed caregiver for your mother in exchange for living expenses. It all seemed quite noble of you but now that the end might be in sight, it seems you are only interested in you. My advice is to get a job. Why don't you ask your addict, liar, thief, of a brother with a big felony on his record for some job seeking advice? Then you will be in a better frame of mind to do what is best for your mother.
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Old 04-08-2014, 05:33 AM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,513,202 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
Both my and her name are on the lease and any income I get will be 30% taken out towards rent. His name is not on the lease and he isn't even legally supposed to be here because he is a felon and on parole.
I was going to suggest that you check with your city council representative to see if there is a rule about the number of unrelated people allowed to live in a rental unit. Similarly, there might be a line designating that in your lease. Most cities have rules about this that are enforced rarely, however it would give you grounds to contact the landlord.

But I think you provided an even better option in what you wrote above. If your lease forbids felons and parolees, contact the landlord and tell him or her you are bringing it to their attention so they won't blame you for the situation (you're a good tenant, see). Tell the landlord you are helpless to remove these people and you need assistance. It's in the landlord's financial interest to take action to protect the property. This is assuming you and your mother have been good, long-term tenants and care for the apartment properly.

BOS2IAD offered excellent advice about contacting an elder abuse organization. In DC I would suggest the Office on Aging. You can contact them for emergency situations at this number: (202) 724-5622. This website explains the many services they could offer you and your mother: http://dcoa.dc.gov/ Most of Office on Aging organizations have, as one of their services, social workers that you (as a disabled elder's caregiver) can meet with the address problems. I take care of my elderly disabled mother and I have used this service in my state. They have provided me with legal advice and care advice for my mother. Believe me, they WANT to help you. If you leave and your mother is placed in jeopardy, this could potentially take up far more city services than supplying you with assistance would.

I have little patience with the comment immediately above mine. Some people have no idea how hard it is to find a job in this economic climate, especially for one who is not young. If your half/step(?) brother does have a job, he probably got it compliments of the parole board and not from finding it himself. And if he DOES have a job, why can't he find his own place to live with his adopted family? The fact is, you've been providing your mother with assistance for a long time and your name is on the lease. You are the child with standing in this dispute. Best of luck to you.

Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 04-08-2014 at 05:58 AM..
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:48 AM
 
460 posts, read 407,739 times
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It seems strange that there is no empathy for the plight of the felon here. He's served his time, and against all odds has found a job. He has committed no crimes after serving a pretty draconian sentence (8 years plus 5-plus on parole for drug addiction-related crimes!?) and recidivism after the age of 55 is almost nil regardless of crime.

Yet, despite the clear bias that OP has, everyone is trying to find a way to land this guy back in jail for technical violations of parole rules that have no connection to the fact that this guy is being rehabilitated and contributing to society?

I would say that the last sentence is correct: OP is overreacting to harmless charitable acts because she is unable to forgive her half-brother nor to consider the possibility that he's making the best of his second chance and his girlfriend feels more comfortable there than with her mother.

It's far from an ideal scenario, but be charitable for God's sake. A little girl sleeping on the couch should not raise your ire. A man who is working honest hours and doing nothing worse than "drinking wine coolers" is one who should respected for the strides he has made rather than being forever branded without hope of rehabilitation.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,386 posts, read 2,983,838 times
Reputation: 2837
Quote:
Originally Posted by jw2 View Post
Your mother's son (aka your brother?) with all that against him has found a job and you haven't?

There is a common malady these days, and that is sponging off the parents. I may be wrong, but it seems to me, you have given up on your life and have chosen to just become a self-appointed caregiver for your mother in exchange for living expenses. It all seemed quite noble of you but now that the end might be in sight, it seems you are only interested in you. My advice is to get a job. Why don't you ask your addict, liar, thief, of a brother with a big felony on his record for some job seeking advice? Then you will be in a better frame of mind to do what is best for your mother.
First of all, I have always worked. Are you perfect? No. Bad luck happens and people have always lost jobs, which is why I'm looking for work. I'm not lazing around doing nothing to get back on my feet. What an insensitive, ignorant comment, but thanks anyway.

My mother's son is illiterate and 56 years old. His advantage is he has all kinds of friends from jail and he found part time work through them, it is not work that's "on the books" if you understand what that means. He's working on someone's house, tearing down walls and grit work there. He also has social workers who do everything for him and helping him so he doesn't have to compete the way I do with a college degree. I've only moved in with my mother because I couldn't afford the cost of living without any income. You're just some self righteous jerk trying to tear down people who lose their jobs and trying to find work.

Secondly, no I do not care about his well-being. If you only read the TLDR version you'd know why and wouldn't be trying so hard to make personal attacks at me instead of providing some useful suggestions.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:18 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,788,379 times
Reputation: 25421
Your best ally in this situtation is your "brother's" parole officer. Your brother has a whole list of conditions of parole he's supposed to follow and if he violates one of them, back to prison he goes. If he won't tell you who the parole officer is, call the county office and tell whoever answers the phone what's going on and see if he/she will direct you to the appropriate officer.

He's probably not supposed to drink and is probably required to go to AA or NA meetings. I'm guessing it's only a matter of time until he's either violent in the home or uses drugs. At that point you can call the parole officer and your brother will be arrested pending a revocation hearing.

Also, I know finances are tight, but if you can afford it, have a deadbolt installed on your bedroom door and keep it locked, both when you're home and when you're gone.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,386 posts, read 2,983,838 times
Reputation: 2837
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwhitegocubs View Post
It seems strange that there is no empathy for the plight of the felon here. He's served his time, and against all odds has found a job. He has committed no crimes after serving a pretty draconian sentence (8 years plus 5-plus on parole for drug addiction-related crimes!?) and recidivism after the age of 55 is almost nil regardless of crime.

Yet, despite the clear bias that OP has, everyone is trying to find a way to land this guy back in jail for technical violations of parole rules that have no connection to the fact that this guy is being rehabilitated and contributing to society?

I would say that the last sentence is correct: OP is overreacting to harmless charitable acts because she is unable to forgive her half-brother nor to consider the possibility that he's making the best of his second chance and his girlfriend feels more comfortable there than with her mother.

It's far from an ideal scenario, but be charitable for God's sake. A little girl sleeping on the couch should not raise your ire. A man who is working honest hours and doing nothing worse than "drinking wine coolers" is one who should respected for the strides he has made rather than being forever branded without hope of rehabilitation.
No offense but you don't know **** about what he's done. He was convicted of attempted murder and robbery, drug possession, grand theft, etc because he did crazy things when he was on the streets. He was sentenced to 13 years in prison, plus five years parole. As soon as he got back he started drinking. Maybe looking through my past threads you can see where I've talked about that.

Certain people in this world I just do not care about at all when they prove they're still attached to chaos. I helped him fill out forms and other things when he got out and had to get over animosity against him for what he did to us. But he crossed the line with lots of stuff he does and bringing other people into the house knowing how tight it is in here and he's not paying for them to eat, but buying the beers though. Honestly I'm not interested in hearing anyone's opinions about how I'm wrong for feeling distrustful of someone who ruined my childhood and put a damn knife to my neck, and making me feel like I'm worthless for not having a job. I have enough real life crap to worry about this.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,691 posts, read 4,780,983 times
Reputation: 19063
I agree with finding out the name and number of his PO and using it when he is doing something forbidden or failing to meet his obligations (AA/NA meetings, etc.). Get him on a violation whenever you can. Also use the landlord to help you with getting them out. When the landlord sends your mom and you a notice to get them out, she will have to comply and throw them out.
I wish you luck and I am sorry that you are having to deal with this.

edited to add: I agree with the deadbolt on your bedroom idea. I would also relocate anything you own of value (like you and your mother's jewelry or other valuables), and never leave cash or checks/credit cards unattended even for a minute.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:45 AM
 
460 posts, read 407,739 times
Reputation: 1111
Indeed, if you don't care about someone who has had far worse life struggles than you, then why should I, internet person, care about your issues? He's as much a victim as you are; nobody wants to end up a drug-addicted jailbird trying to scratch by on side construction jobs. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion because we (in America especially) love to blame people who descend into crime for their actions, as if they have no internal demons or struggles, as if we would be any different if we experienced every one of the things (individually) that they did.

Put another way, nobody becomes that way in a vacuum, and while you may not be able to muster empathy for him (understandable), I'm certainly not going to help you try to destroy his last chance, especially given that recidivism for older felons is statistically near zero regardless of the crime. Nothing you posted about sounded like it was bad at all; he doesn't beat the girl or the daughter, doesn't commit any crimes, etc...
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:50 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 4,940,032 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
Both my and her name are on the lease and any income I get will be 30% taken out towards rent. His name is not on the lease and he isn't even legally supposed to be here because he is a felon and on parole.
Contrary to what other people have said, you do have some say on if he moves in, and that would be the case even if your name wasn't on the lease. However, you're say in that case would be limited to talking to the landlord. In this case, your rights are much more muddied, but most likely the lease (a legally binding contract) will state clearly that your brother is not allowed to move in without the landlord's consent. What are the odds that he gives consent? I'd guess pretty low when he hears that the brother is a felon, but on the downside, he might agree to add the brother and his girlfriend to the lease in exchange for a bump in income. But if he was modifying the lease, you should have the opportunity to refuse to sign the new lease so that if they were added you would have the the right to be removed.
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,386 posts, read 2,983,838 times
Reputation: 2837
Here's a thread I made back in February very much seeking advice on how to help him at the time. What do released felons have available to them in DC to rebuild their lives?

If anyone has any helpful words about that, please feel free to bump it. I didn't know he was 56, I thought he was 51 so that's why the age is different in the post.
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