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A lot of people don't like to be teased and find it offensive or hurtful. I have a friend who is big on the "dry humor" and end ups coming off like a real a-hole because of it. If you find yourself offending people on a regular basis, the problem is YOU, not them.
Well, anyways, I always kind of tease this girl in one of my classes. Shes pretty I will admit, but she has someone so I just tease her and I think that sometimes she needs to lighten up and what not because she always seems serious.
I know other people have highlighted other parts of your post, but this part bothered me a lot. It doesn't sound like you're friends, just classmates, and it also doesn't sound like she really likes your teasing in general.
I can come off as very serious to casual acquaintances, depending on the setting and the person. I don't mind my friends teasing me a little bit, but I don't like it if someone I barely know tries. It's too familiar, and everyone has certain trigger points that aren't usually obvious unless you know the person. If you want to talk to me, talk to me, don't just decide to make teasing jokes in my direction.
I would just leave her alone. She may be a perfectly happy and bubbly person outside of class, but it sounds like she doesn't view her interactions with you as positive at all, so let it be.
How do you know she doesn't come from a violent past too and found your joking about slapping people or being slapped to be really inappropriate because of that? You say you have zero tolerance for violence, etc, but then make it a joke. And you just assume that everyone else would get your joke. It seems you lack some basic empathy if you think your history should explain things for you, but never imagine that other people may have histories of their own.
Also, the
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said well you are female and you know your place.
thing... After saying it seriously to a woman -- in a serious manner that is -- you expect her to still talk to you? Nuts.
OP, I read only your initial post and those on the first page - I did not interpret that you were using your need for therapy as an excuse, but as a means to express yourself that you are highly sensitive to others (from your experiences) and did not detect any hostility or possible hostility before you began your bantering. I also get quirky (dark) humor, bad timing and people just too wrapped up in themselves and over-sensitive. Was your behavior rude - yes, but those that don't care what you think would not have reacted. She's giving you too much power to dictate how she feels. Does it excuse you? No, but when I first read your post (I did read it a couple times), I took it as sarcasm, dark humor, border-line back of the bus insulting type. I think you have experienced a combination of all of this and should just let it go and not engage any further. I also suspect you are a "fixer" because of your unique experiences and that is what is frustrating you, you can't fix it. So, I put this back on you, saying you are giving her too much power to dictate how you feel.
Forget about all this crap, study....and just be the best person you can be each day and move on. Life's hard enough as it is. Lesson learned.
We kind of joked around and then I was talking to another girl and I made the off hand comment, "yeah, I couldn't talk to her, because I would get slapped" (laugh). This girl, the first one, says, "And what makes you think that I won't slap you" Woah, I grew up in a house full of domestic violence and I have been in a violent relationship. I was JOKING and I look over at her to see if she was and nope. No smile, no nothing.
It sounds like you are annoying to her and always have been. She wants you to go away. All the comments you've described yourself saying come across as pushy and annoying. I would rethink these sorts of underhanded attempts to flirt with women who are already in a relationship. It's clearly not welcomed. I don't see why you would be particularly annoyed by this comment she made as I see it as no more annoying than the things you said.
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Originally Posted by Darkknight01
So of course I got mad about it for a sec and said well you are female and you know your place.
That sort of thing immediately reveals you consider females lower than males (know your place.) The fact that you said it in anger only made it seem more like the truth instead of the silly false front with the unwanted teasing. Of course everyone in earshot would immediately steer clear.
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Originally Posted by Darkknight01
After that, she refused to talk to me! I thought she was playing around at first, but she kept saying, nope, not going to talk to you. I finally gave up and I was like yep, you were a negative person when I first met you and nothing has changed.
She didn't really want you around to begin with, but tolerated you. Then you were super rude. So now she won't even indulge you in that. Take it as a lesson learned.
Also, when people grow up in abusive families (especially verbally abusive families) I think it's sometimes hard to gauge what is appropriate vs. inappropriate. My mom wouldn't have thought twice about telling me my clothing choices were ugly, but do that to a friend or coworker, and you'll end up in hot water.
This. OP, you may not have meant your comments to be inappropriate (the teasing) but it's clear they were unwelcome. And the fact that she was in a relationship, that you described her as "pretty" and then made a project out of teasing her every time you saw her may have come across as very aggressive to her. And unwanted. A friendship should be two sided and both people should engage equally. If you describe her as "never smiling" around you there's probably a reason--your actions are making her unhappy and uncomfortable. It's likely not that she looks like she sucked a bowl of lemons all the time--just when you come around. Your mistake here was not picking up on that and taking the hint--accepting the fact that she already had a boyfriend and you weren't it and then respecting that and leaving her alone.
You sound socially feral, not to mention like quite the bully. I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. If you're so sensitive about domestic violence then why the hell would you bring it up?
You owe your classmate an apology, but frankly, I wouldn't blame her if she just shut you out entirely. You're a very unpleasant person, apparently.
As others have mentioned, abuse victims frequently don't understand what's appropriate - that is, in fact, how abuse often is perpetuated through generations. You sound like you have no clue what is appropriate behavior. Concentrate very seriously on your therapy, because once you're out in the real world, behavior like you described here is just going to result in broken relationships and terminated employment. At the moment, no employer would hire you upon hearing this story simply because you're a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.
You mean all this time I could've had a disclaimer too?
New concept...thanks for that. All bad behaviour to be overlooked, I've got a disclaimer!
In law, a disclaimer is a statement denying responsibility intended to prevent civil liability arising for particular acts or omissions
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All bad behaviour to be overlooked, I've got a disclaimer!
