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Old 04-11-2014, 08:51 PM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,094,446 times
Reputation: 3835

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Wow, so much reaction! I'd just say to the OP, maybe she also has past family issues that include violence, and that's why she responded that way. Maybe the word "slap" was a trigger to her.


Oh, to live on an island...
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Old 04-11-2014, 09:40 PM
 
11,305 posts, read 21,787,289 times
Reputation: 8910
Even mentioning "getting slapped" seems inappropriate to me. I can't really imagine this phrase coming out of the mouth of any of my family members or friends. Slapping isn't appropriate behavior. I have never understood why it's done in the movies and made light of.

Also, telling a woman to smile more or lighten up, or whatever you're trying to tell her to do, is also inappropriate and disrespectful. On the street, men telling women to smile is considered to be a version of street harassment. Please see the current street art project about this exact topic. It's been getting quite a bit of press and you can read about it on CNN 'Stop Telling Women to Smile' art project takes on street harassment - CNN.com and many other news outlets.
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Old 04-12-2014, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Johns Creek, GA
2,009 posts, read 2,148,326 times
Reputation: 2282
OP, you are an immature jerk.
It is possible to make friends or hold someone's attention by being nice or interesting instead of being combative and condescending.

Hopefully you can learn from this
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Old 04-12-2014, 03:20 AM
 
45 posts, read 114,452 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarzanman View Post
OP, you are an immature jerk.
It is possible to make friends or hold someone's attention by being nice or interesting instead of being combative and condescending.

Hopefully you can learn from this
and you are an idiot. The only thing that i have learned is that i should have posted this somewhere else.
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Old 04-12-2014, 07:32 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,336,179 times
Reputation: 1871
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkknight01 View Post
and you are an idiot. The only thing that i have learned is that i should have posted this somewhere else.
You can post it here. The problem is some people on this site feel they can bash other people and that happens everywhere. It's easier to do on a keyboard because it gives a sense of anonymity and courage that most people do not have when talking to others, face-to-face.

Think about it this way. Many people are obnoxious and NEVER take the time to ask for feedback. They just go around thinking they're perfect and others are crazy. The fact that you asked generally means that you want input and feedback (and that means you want to grow as a person). I know people in their 60s, 70s and 80s that have not matured a lick in all those years. Don't become one of them. Keep asking. Keep seeking. Keep growing.
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:00 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,773,617 times
Reputation: 46046
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkknight01 View Post
OK, so this may offend some people, but keep in mind that there is a back history involved.

With that being said, I am in college right now and I am going for my grad degree. I have been seeing a therapist over past family issues which include family violence and the fact that my mom abused me during childhood, mostly physically and some emotionally. This is a disclaimer.

Well, anyways, I always kind of tease this girl in one of my classes. Shes pretty I will admit, but she has someone so I just tease her and I think that sometimes she needs to lighten up and what not because she always seems serious. Well I saw her yesterday and I told her jokingly that I had to tease her more today since I didn't see her a few days ago in another class. We kind of joked around and then I was talking to another girl and I made the off hand comment, "yeah, I couldn't talk to her, because I would get slapped" (laugh). This girl, the first one, says, "And what makes you think that I won't slap you" Woah, I grew up in a house full of domestic violence and I have been in a violent relationship. I was JOKING and I look over at her to see if she was and nope. No smile, no nothing. So of course I got mad about it for a sec and said well you are female and you know your place.

After that, she refused to talk to me! I thought she was playing around at first, but she kept saying, nope, not going to talk to you. I finally gave up and I was like yep, you were a negative person when I first met you and nothing has changed. She also told me once that she wanted to take away money given to disability persons by the government! Geez...So my question is, am i wrong for what I said? I mean, I just reacted and didnt even think and I pretty sure my background and seeing the therapist (who I had seen that day) had something to do with it. Also I am taking my comprehensive exams and I did tell her that I was really stressed out and not to pay me any mind. I told her this before all this even happened.
The first comment, no. It was a joke, although kind of a lame one. You should have simply said, "Oh, I don't think you'd do that. I was just making a dumb joke. Sorry."

The second comment, yes. What were you thinking?

Here's the deal. Some people don't share your sense of humor. Get used to it. What's more, it obviously never occurred to you that perhaps she has also dealt with violence in her past and therefore finds such references not funny in the least. But instead of understanding that, you made a sexist comment. Good luck ever getting back into her good graces.

And I really don't care if you are taking comprehensive exams. If find people who use stress as an excuse for bad behavior have not developed the requisite maturity to be a fully-fledged adult. People who are emotionally mature do not take their bad days out on others.
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:23 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,565,628 times
Reputation: 37916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkknight01 View Post
Passive aggressive? No, no. I was just trying to put a smile on her face because she always come to class looking like she just sucked on a bowl of lemons, but maybe you are right. I shouldn't care. Screw her feelings and what she thinks. I guess I care too much about others.
No... I do not think that is your problem.
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:34 AM
 
13,695 posts, read 13,623,653 times
Reputation: 39924
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
No... I do not think that is your problem.
Actually, I found the language in that particular post to be pretty reminiscent of what an abuser would say to justify their actions. Call me crazy...
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:41 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,773,617 times
Reputation: 46046
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Actually, I found the language in that particular post to be pretty reminiscent of what an abuser would say to justify their actions. Call me crazy...
Yeah, I picked up on that, too.

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you, but I've been so stressed lately and you kind of deserved it for talking to me that way."
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,336,179 times
Reputation: 1871
He's already admitted that he was wrong. He's already said that he is trying to improve his behavior. Doesn't a person deserve an opportunity to prove their words by improving themselves? Or should everyone just be tarred and feather for making a mistake?
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