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Using FB to contact people isn't stalking at all. That's one of its main uses. I've reconnected with dozens of people through FB, and am enjoying most of those relationships. Send her a message, and go from there. No need to send a friend request yet.
I recently contacted an old GF of 20 plus yrs. She isn't on FB that I know about and neither am I. I came across her email by chance. I have very fond memories of her but I ended the relationship in a way I regretted(she was crazy about me but I wasn't ready). She contacted me during our college years once but I was in a relationship so I didn't reciprocate. I recently made the contact just because I wanted her to know how fondly I remember her and sorry for my thoughtlessness back in the day. I hope I didn't come across creepy our strange but now fear I have. I will not persue any further contact but hope I didn't do the wrong thing and cause her concern.
I have no clue what the etiquette is but I have to tell you that I am currently in a situation with a guy who had a crush on me in middle school and friended me last week and it has turned super creepy. I crushed on him back in the day but none of us ever really made a move. Now he posts on my wall how he regrets not doing anything, cared for me so much and always has, dreams about me, etc, etc. I'm married and so is he! And now I'm just thinking my in-laws most likely think I'm a ***** and having an affair. Plus, I'm starting to feel a Silence of the Lambs vibe. It puts the lotion on it's skin My husband just makes fun of him and tells me I'd make a beautiful skin suit.
There is just the one possible way I may be able to sneak in a hello to her, but this would be pushing it...
When I searched for her dad, it led me to her brother. On this brother's f.b. is where I found her. Conceivably I could pretend I'd not seen her on his page, and send him a message loosely as such:
I'm looking for an old girlfriend of mine and I think you could possibly be related to her, if you are, could you pass along a hello to her for me, im 'kirk' she'll remember me, thanks.
This itself though would be strange in it's own way, I reckon. I reckon I'd better let this one go
I don't think there's anything wrong with just sending her a simple friend request. Either she'll accept it or she won't. I don't think she has gone to "great lengths" to hide -- let's face it, women who marry and take their husband's names are often hard to track down if you didn't know who their husband was.
I guess my question to you is . . . why? You haven't had any connection in 20 years, I doubt you have much in common at this point.
If she doesn't accept it, it means a) she doesn't remember you, or b) she doesn't feel a need to reconnect or c) she is being careful about who she lets on her FB page and has made a decision that old flames do not belong on her family-friendly page. All of which needs to be respected. Out of respect for my husband, I don't FB with old flames -- why bother? I'm happily married.
Now all I really want to do is say hello, ask how she is, etc - I have no romantic intentions in mind, besides I now live clear across the country from there and have for some years.
My question lies in how I should approach contacting her?
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In any case, advices appreciated
I have to side with the posters who say do not contact her. In my opinion you have failed to show a valid reason for contacting her. In this case live your life as if Facebook does not exist. If there was no Facebook she would simply be a series of fond memories to you. Leave the situation as such.
I felt that I should send her one last email explaining why, after 20 years, I was making contact . First of all, I had thought about her many times over the years.I had just been to a class reunion which got me thinking about her again.I always remember her as being perfect and as me being the fool for letting her go. I happened to be looking on the website classmates at some of my fellow grads when I ran across her information with a web address for her.
I told her a little about myself and my family in the second email, hoping to put her mind at ease and to say I would now lose the email address and not contact her again. I was really hoping she would respond but I suppose I've got my answer. She did not respond so I'm done. I would love to talk but no doubt it is for the best. She was always the smarter one in the relationship.
i would avoid contacting her
My ex from high school constantly harassed me via email and the only way I could end it was by forwarding everything she sent me to her husband.
It's amazing what people find creepy and 'stalkerish' these days. It makes me wonder how people have a social life at all when unknown people saying hi or old acquaintances contacting you are cause for alarm and suspicion.
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,077 times
Reputation: 458
I agree. I don't know why everyone thinks it is creepy or stalkerish to send a friend request even after 20 years. It's only creepy or stalkerish if you were a creep or a stalker back then. Then they most likely won't accept it.
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