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Old 04-14-2014, 08:30 PM
 
5 posts, read 11,942 times
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Well, I have occasionally thought about someone I dated in my late teens (which is now just over 20 years ago), and decided to look her up on facebook. It proved difficult because it turned out she didn't use her real last name on f.b. , I looked up her dad's name which I remembered, followed a few paths, and with sheer luck really, I found her.

Now all I really want to do is say hello, ask how she is, etc - I have no romantic intentions in mind, besides I now live clear across the country from there and have for some years.

My question lies in how I should approach contacting her? I don't want to come across as creepy or strange (which I certainly am not). but she will know that I had to do some work to find her because as I said, she didn't use her real last name on her f.b. page. Also she has a picture together with a man who must be either her boyfriend or maybe even husband, so I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

Any advices as to how I could approach it in a proper way? We didn't date long and were not serious but I have sometimes thought about her, I guess I have just been thinking about some old times. Strange how with the advent of social media/connectedness it'd be near impossible to lose track of someone even if you wanted to- but for people you knew before those times, sometimes all you have is a picture in your mind which starts to blur and fade over time.

In any case, advices appreciated
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:01 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,529,554 times
Reputation: 3440
I wouldn't contact her at all. Someone who doesn't use their real last name on Facebook likely does so for a reason. If she wanted to contact you, she probably would've. To have taken the step to use a false last name and then have someone so intent on finding you that they sherlock holmes'ed it and tracked you down would probably come across as really scary--and pretty disrespectful of the fact that she clearly didn't want to be found by anyone she didn't reach out to.

I would leave well enough alone and leave the past in the past. Just because you have some curiosity and the desire to say hello doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,904 posts, read 5,253,739 times
Reputation: 17811
I think you may look creepy and strange. The way you found her may give her reason to think that. She may doubt that you only want to say hello and ask how she is since you made an effort to find her. I would think long and hard before contacting her.
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,326 posts, read 17,356,004 times
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Little more than an introduction and RL contact info. Don't keep it on FB. If you want her, go for it.
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:54 PM
 
13,675 posts, read 13,489,213 times
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If you have no mutual friends and only dated briefly, I wouldn't contact her. It's just weird.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,199,468 times
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So she doesn't use her last name, and appears to have a bf or husband but you still want to contact her?

You are a weirdo. Leave her alone.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,949 posts, read 45,385,657 times
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You can send her a friend request. She'll either accept, or reject it. I think it is perfectly normal to reconnect with old friends on FB.
Does your high school have a FB page? If it does, and she is on it, you could say you found her there, instead of sounding like you spent a lot of time tracking her down.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
2,725 posts, read 1,681,855 times
Reputation: 8412
Please leave her be. I assume that you are easier to find on FB than she proved to be, so if she were thinking about you, she could easily connect with you if she wanted to.

It sounds to me (and I think might seem to her) that even though you assure us you are not creepy, you have gone to a near-stalkerish amount of trouble to locate her. Move on to something else. It's not healthy to dwell on what might have been or to try to resurrect something that is long gone.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:54 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,808,899 times
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I agree with the poster who said you can send her a friend request. The next move is totally up to her. If she's amenable to hearing from you, she'll accept. If she isn't interested, she won't accept. No harm, no foul.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:56 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,119,644 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
You can send her a friend request. She'll either accept, or reject it. I think it is perfectly normal to reconnect with old friends on FB.
I agree. Where on earth is the harm in simply making contact on such a huge social website? I did the same thing and contacted an old BF of 30 years past who accepted me as a friend which enabled me to see his (albeit very sparse) profile - and of course he mine. I was simply curious, there was nothing "creepy" about it at all. I extended an invitation for him to get in touch and he thus far hasn't other than a quick one-liner on FB. So? Lighten up, folks, and stop seeing boogeymen around every corner!
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