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Old 04-23-2014, 10:48 AM
 
1,242 posts, read 1,250,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
I'm starting to think there is a good business opportunity to produce neutral holiday cards.

"It's Mother's day. I thought of you"

"It's Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy your turkey dinner."

"Merry Christmas. My family is enjoying it without you" (that one is maybe a little bit hostile.) Maybe, "Here's a Christmas tree for you on this holiday", with a drawing of a decorated tree.

Probably, many of us must guard against becoming passive aggressive which, in of itself, is not a good personality trait. It comes about when a person is powerless to defend themselves, but if we are aware of it, we can out grow it. (No, I didn't claim it would be easy)
Love this idea. Lately I've been shopping at the CardStore.com because you can order a card and schedule the delivery, then try and forget the whole mess. They will mail it out from you. I think they need a line of these "obligatory" cards.
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Old 04-24-2014, 01:39 PM
 
Location: PA
838 posts, read 1,015,072 times
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My Mom is dead and I am not a mom...

looking forward to the discounted annuals the week after, that's about it!
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Old 04-24-2014, 05:43 PM
 
Location: North Oakland
9,156 posts, read 8,643,061 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
I am sorry but I need to address this. Most decent mothers would not tell their kids that they should have put them in an orphanage and gotten on with her life. Even to this day (and I am 49), I still hear ; after all I did for you, I raised you on my own and this is the thanks I get ; this is usually after she telling me I am no good, being taken advantage of and being a fool as I look after my mil (dementia, 87, living alone and my dh and I travel back n forth to help her). No grandmother should have to be told that her preemie grandson needs to be held a lot.

I used to think that my mum did a lot, and did think that she was a decent mother. But I got older, realized that most mums tell their kids they love them, care about them and actually call them. I also realized that all she wants is attention, attention and more attention. That and money.

My son said a great thing to me today ; I was asking if he wanted to go on a hike on sunday and he said ; yes mum, just you and me. I missed you today. He is almost 14.
Okay, Dorothy. What I would do if I were you is stay home and let your kids have Mother's Day for you. No Ireland. Pittsburgh.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,881 posts, read 7,292,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
I'm starting to think there is a good business opportunity to produce neutral holiday cards.
Seriously. Mother's Day cards are usually super lovey-dovey and sweet.

Not everyone had an affectionate, emotionally available mom.

I will never forget the time I made my mom a crafty gift we created in school. I must have been 5-6. I gave it to her and later in the day I found it back in my room. When I asked why she didn't keep it (like my father who kept all my gifts) she asked me "what am I suppose to do with this?"

Some mother's don't even deserve cards.

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Old 04-25-2014, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Savannah GA/Lk Hopatcong NJ
13,098 posts, read 24,839,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes View Post
Seriously. Mother's Day cards are usually super lovey-dovey and sweet.

Not everyone had an affectionate, emotionally available mom.

I will never forget the time I made my mom a crafty gift we created in school. I must have been 5-6. I gave it to her and later in the day I found it back in my room. When I asked why she didn't keep it (like my father who kept all my gifts) she asked me "what am I suppose to do with this?"

Some mother's don't even deserve cards.

Reminds me of how my brother as a young teen with a part time job bought our mother a bathrobe for christmas, it was yellow and on and on and on she went about how she detested yellow instead of just saying thank you, suck it up and wear it. It's a fecking bath robe.

To this day I still have this silly necklace of a bird looking at itself in a tiny mirror....one of those items kids get at school. My son bought it for me when he was in 1st grade. And yes, I wore it...lol

Last edited by njkate; 04-25-2014 at 08:50 AM..
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:53 AM
pll
 
1,052 posts, read 2,152,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post

I'm starting to think that only us who lived with these types of Moms understand. Most people with wonderful mothers have no idea the damage done by toxic mothers.
You're so right. Have you ever heard the phrase "She had a face only a mother can love"? Well, that can never apply to some of us because we haven't known that kind of love. There are mom's that unconditionally love their children no matter what even to the point of visiting their children in prison. I was an inconvenience to my mom and she didn't, and still doesn't want me around. That's okay because, thankfully, I've been able to show deeper love to my children.

It doesn't do much good sharing our struggles with people that have great relationships with their mom's. For some reason it's seems more acceptable to share marriage problem's or parenting issues then Mom-Child problems. I'm not sure why but you can walk away feeling worse to share this issue with others that can't relate. Surprisingly, there are more of us out there then you think and we need to encourage one another.
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Old 04-26-2014, 02:07 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
24,828 posts, read 23,763,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
Take some good advice and stop trying so hard.

Nothing you do or don't do is ever going to please her. You might as well admit that to yourself and stop wasting time, energy, and money on her.

Sometimes people can be trained just like a dog. If she whines about every gift, you don't take one. When she starts trying the guilt thing because you didn't bring a gift, you tell her that she whines no matter what. She whines if you bring a gift and she whines if you don't bring a gift. You've decided that it is cheaper to not buy the gift since you get an equal amount of complaining whichever you do.

If she calls to berate you, you tell her that you don't want to talk to her unless she can be pleasant and that she can call back when her manners are better. Then hang up on her.

She has years of bad habits, so it will take some effort to retrain her.
I agree. It took years, but I decided that if I was going to have a relationship with my mother, that I had to whip her into shape. She was still pretty incorrigible, always commenting on my appearance, though, many subjects were taboo. It worked for me.
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Old 04-26-2014, 02:47 PM
 
4,881 posts, read 4,834,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
To this day I still have this silly necklace of a bird looking at itself in a tiny mirror....one of those items kids get at school. My son bought it for me when he was in 1st grade. And yes, I wore it...lol
Had to comment on your post because it made me smile thinking about the same thing about the gifts
my son gave me. I have a little collection of these balancing metal rods (they're little) which my
son bought at the elementary school for mothers day. I would get one every year and when I look
at them, I still get teary eyed. To me, they are priceless.
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Old 04-26-2014, 03:10 PM
 
5,002 posts, read 4,234,800 times
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I have everything my kids gave me in my nightstand. It is just so sweet
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Old 04-27-2014, 05:32 PM
 
1,242 posts, read 1,250,455 times
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Thank you so much for starting this thread okaydorothy! There is comfort in knowing that I'm not alone struggling with Mother's Day.

This year is probably the worst I've felt about it - mostly because my mom has really been over the top and we don't speak besides the nasty texts she sends. My mom and I have had a lot of ups and and downs. Growing up I was taking care of her half the time, but she did try when she wasn't partying. Unfortunately life didn't turn out the way she wanted and she's prone to depression, mood swings, childish behavior and relying on us for loans due to irresponsible spending.

It's almost comical to be a grown woman getting upset like this. I wish I could shrug it off, but I worry about how she is doing, if she's safe, hungry, has a roof over her head, and I'm sad she's alone on Mother's Day. I have a lot of guilt about that today and find myself wondering if I would have said things differently if we'd be talking now. I can't bring myself to call her because I'd be signing myself up for it all over again.

Sorry for the rant, I try to let it roll off, but today is low day and I don't know anyone else who'd understand besides ya'll.
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