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Old 05-15-2014, 10:24 AM
pll
 
1,052 posts, read 2,157,411 times
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The day before Mother's Day, my mom sent a letter of apology pre-written by a well known author. In other words, she forward a letter written by someone else to me. (We have been estranged, a decision that was mutual, for 10 years.) So I was surprised when I received this email, forwarded to me via my oldest daughter. It bothered me that she sent it through my daughter mainly because I have always wanted to protect my children from our volatile relationship. I didn't want them to witness all the arguments that I witnessed as a child between my Grandma & Mom.
She is a master manipulator. She has a knack for dividing marriages in the family and has been married several times herself. Also, she's is divisive and has been somewhat successful in turning many family members against me and my husband through her wealth & influence. She has a tendency to lie to sway people to do what she wants.
In the letter there is an apology about how she messed up and didn't show me the love she should have, that she carries guilt, and that she'd lay down her life for me, many lame excuses as to why she could not love her children. Imo, a lot of baloney. My spouse and I agree that the letter is untrue and insincere. I (we) have forgiven her for many times in the past but sadly, history repeats itself. The pattern usually has been that we accept her apology, have a blissful year then all he*l breaks loose and she starts causing dissention and strife. So, it's not just about the childhood which was bad enough, much of it is about the damage she has tried to do in my life as an adult.

I feel sad for her and her life. One can have lavish trips and mansions, jewels but without love, life is empty.
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Old 05-15-2014, 10:35 AM
 
50 posts, read 65,899 times
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I thought I would dread it, since I don't have a good relationship with my mother. But my husband and I made a plan to go canoeing instead. We brought the dog and had a very nice day together. I just know the topic of conversation at my mother's house was what an awful daughter I am for not sending her a gift. Whatever.
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Old 05-15-2014, 10:45 AM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,923,667 times
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I'm sorry to those of you who we're not cherished by your moms. Nothing is more important IMO.
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Old 05-15-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,756,785 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camille033 View Post
I thought I would dread it, since I don't have a good relationship with my mother. But my husband and I made a plan to go canoeing instead. We brought the dog and had a very nice day together. I just know the topic of conversation at my mother's house was what an awful daughter I am for not sending her a gift. Whatever.
Good for you. Perhaps you will decide to do something similar next year.
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Old 05-15-2014, 04:12 PM
 
50 posts, read 65,899 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Good for you. Perhaps you will decide to do something similar next year.
Thanks .. I think we will
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Old 05-15-2014, 11:46 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,279,104 times
Reputation: 48876
Quote:
Originally Posted by pll View Post
The day before Mother's Day, my mom sent a letter of apology pre-written by a well known author. In other words, she forward a letter written by someone else to me. (We have been estranged, a decision that was mutual, for 10 years.) So I was surprised when I received this email, forwarded to me via my oldest daughter. It bothered me that she sent it through my daughter mainly because I have always wanted to protect my children from our volatile relationship. I didn't want them to witness all the arguments that I witnessed as a child between my Grandma & Mom.
She is a master manipulator. She has a knack for dividing marriages in the family and has been married several times herself. Also, she's is divisive and has been somewhat successful in turning many family members against me and my husband through her wealth & influence. She has a tendency to lie to sway people to do what she wants.
In the letter there is an apology about how she messed up and didn't show me the love she should have, that she carries guilt, and that she'd lay down her life for me, many lame excuses as to why she could not love her children. Imo, a lot of baloney. My spouse and I agree that the letter is untrue and insincere. I (we) have forgiven her for many times in the past but sadly, history repeats itself. The pattern usually has been that we accept her apology, have a blissful year then all he*l breaks loose and she starts causing dissention and strife. So, it's not just about the childhood which was bad enough, much of it is about the damage she has tried to do in my life as an adult.

I feel sad for her and her life. One can have lavish trips and mansions, jewels but without love, life is empty.

Saying that one is "sorry", while continuing a permutation of the same obnoxious behavior crosses too many lines of propriety.

There are vengeful people and there are those who preach "forgiveness", and claim that any residual anger, memory; or discussion of the event is a sign that "forgiveness" has not taken place.

Then the aggrieved party is abused once more - by the demands of the abuser, and the current "culture of forgiveness", which often demands that we humans forget hurts; many times, those that are still taking place.

Do what's best for YOU. If complete forgiveness "sets you free" - go for it.

For some others, keeping a memory, and a bit of anger and distance can be the same choice.
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:30 PM
 
5,002 posts, read 4,261,968 times
Reputation: 3020
Luckily I was able to blow past Mothers day this year. I spent it in Ireland celebrating my 14 year old's birthday after celebrating my mothers 90th birthday on the day before. It was hard to attend the party to celebrate my mother but I did it with dignity and respect.

When we got back to the states, my sons gave me books that they had bought for me when we were in Ireland. It was wonderful to know that my boys laugh, cry, and enjoy life with us.

What was very sad was that we stayed with my mother in law who is 85 and has dementia. While she wasn't perfect, she gave my boys the biggest hug when we were leaving. She adores my kids and loves them. My own mother gave them a peck on the cheek.
I was so proud of my boys (14 & 15) who took their granny by the hand, flirted with her and got her laughing even though she didn't know who they were. The granny who does know them, dosnt care.
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