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Old 04-17-2014, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,599 posts, read 4,905,054 times
Reputation: 16440

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OP, having a crummy mother has made me a good one to my own kids. Sounds like it has done the same for you. We never know why we ended up with the parents we did, but it can turn out to have a positive effect in spite of it.

I don't care for Mother's Day at all. My relationship with my mother was very difficult, and it was always a problem for me finding a card that didn't express the sappy, loving tribute to mom that I felt wasn't warranted.

As a mother myself, I still dislike Mother's Day. I know my kids love me. They show it in a hundred ways throughout the year and I don't need them to be told to honor me on one particular day. They do anyway, but I wish Mothers Day would just disappear off the calendar.
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Old 04-17-2014, 05:44 AM
 
Location: Savannah GA/Lk Hopatcong NJ
13,098 posts, read 24,820,094 times
Reputation: 11131
Happy to see I'm not the only one dreading it. My mother was never there for me but now that she's old she expects us to do her bidding. At least I still phone her where my brother hasn't had any contact with her for years...my one sister will phone her too then there is the martyr sister..you know the one she has the same feelings the rest of us do but allows herself to be manipulated...
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Old 04-17-2014, 05:52 AM
 
262 posts, read 203,968 times
Reputation: 782
As far as the original post and the words regarding her mother who made it clear that she was doing all FIVE of them a favor by raising them ~ News Bulletin: She was! You wouldn't be alive on this Earth and neither would your siblings or your children for that matter were it not for your Mother, who gave you life. If you had lived her life and had FIVE children to raise, who knows what you would have done. Maybe she did and gave tremendously more for all of you than was done for her. Maybe she is a....what's the word....human. Humans are not perfect. Maybe she did the best she could. Did she feed all of you? Change all your diapers? Take care of you when you were sick? Devote the best years of her life to raising ALL of you? Remember, you would not even be alive, and therefore your children would not be alive, were it not for your Mother. Children are not discovered in the cabbage patch. The act of giving birth for most women is nothing short of agony, and many women have died in the process. She did not have to put any of you on the Earth and could have spent all the money invested in you and your siblings on herself, enjoyed the best years of her life not raising children who grow up ungrateful, judging her as a Mother, and expressing what a bother it is to see her on Mother's Day. OMG. She's ninety years old. When you mature a little bit, you are going to appreciate all she did for you and when she is gone, it's too late to say "Thank you".
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:21 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,393,730 times
Reputation: 19624
The only thing I hate about Mothers Day is missing my mom and grandma who are both deceased.

Since they are no longer with me I celebrate it with the wonderful mothers who are left in my life.

Maybe you can do something to turn it into a more positive day. Your mother is not the only mother out there. Celebrate the women in your life who are mothers....
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,041 posts, read 8,285,989 times
Reputation: 19264
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy739 View Post
As far as the original post and the words regarding her mother who made it clear that she was doing all FIVE of them a favor by raising them ~ News Bulletin: She was! You wouldn't be alive on this Earth and neither would your siblings or your children for that matter were it not for your Mother, who gave you life. If you had lived her life and had FIVE children to raise, who knows what you would have done. Maybe she did and gave tremendously more for all of you than was done for her. Maybe she is a....what's the word....human. Humans are not perfect. Maybe she did the best she could. Did she feed all of you? Change all your diapers? Take care of you when you were sick? Devote the best years of her life to raising ALL of you? Remember, you would not even be alive, and therefore your children would not be alive, were it not for your Mother. Children are not discovered in the cabbage patch. The act of giving birth for most women is nothing short of agony, and many women have died in the process. She did not have to put any of you on the Earth and could have spent all the money invested in you and your siblings on herself, enjoyed the best years of her life not raising children who grow up ungrateful, judging her as a Mother, and expressing what a bother it is to see her on Mother's Day. OMG. She's ninety years old. When you mature a little bit, you are going to appreciate all she did for you and when she is gone, it's too late to say "Thank you".


It's not a favor to raise 5 children that you chose to bring into the world.
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Old 04-17-2014, 08:23 AM
 
1,242 posts, read 1,247,549 times
Reputation: 3633
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Why does she send you a nasty text? I thought mother's day was for people to send their mom a card or flowers or take her to dinner or thank her --- I didn't know moms sent out texts at all for that day.
She wasn't a good mom growing up - lots of drugs which made her unstable (or maybe that was there all along). Anyhow, if we plan a nice brunch for our mothers she will decline to come (stating that it's not her thing). Then later she'll point out that we didn't do anything with her on Mother's Day - besides sending her flowers.

Right now she's mad that we won't co-sign for her car loan. So, she told us to f- off, lose her number, etc. Needless to say, I sent a card for her birthday and unfortunately it arrived a day late. I got a flurry of texts telling me what a terrible daughter and granddaughter she had and what a b&@$# I was. Later in the week the card came back as return to sender.

I'm sure she'll do something similar. When she's sane, she's fun to be around. Other times she goes out of her way to be cruel and spiteful. Right now that means needling me with nasty texts.

OP, keep your chin up. It's painful but being a good mom to your boys is the only thing you can do. It's very kind you visit her, after all, you could just cut her off. Especially after acting like raising her kids is such a huge hardship, but you're bigger than that. Maybe make your visit to her just a few hours long and enjoy the rest of your trip with your sons. It's Mother's Day for them too and they might want to go do something fun with you.
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Old 04-17-2014, 08:27 AM
 
1,242 posts, read 1,247,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post


It's not a favor to raise 5 children that you chose to bring into the world.
Thank you liberty2011!
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Old 04-17-2014, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Surfside Beach, Texas
217 posts, read 565,168 times
Reputation: 191
Here's another perspective although I have a great mom and her birthday is very close to Mother's Day so we usually celebrate her birthday / mother's day and try to make it special.

BUT - as a childless woman - I do find it very difficult the huge focus on moms. Although I don't regret the way my life has turned out - this day always makes me a little sad. Many women who don't have children didn't necessarily make that choice for themselves. And this hallmark holiday is never much fun for us!
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Old 04-17-2014, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,565 posts, read 9,625,526 times
Reputation: 10887
Quote:
Originally Posted by kixette View Post
Here's another perspective although I have a great mom and her birthday is very close to Mother's Day so we usually celebrate her birthday / mother's day and try to make it special.

BUT - as a childless woman - I do find it very difficult the huge focus on moms. Although I don't regret the way my life has turned out - this day always makes me a little sad. Many women who don't have children didn't necessarily make that choice for themselves. And this hallmark holiday is never much fun for us!
Which is worse? To not have kids that try to make your day "special" or to have kids who ignore you and don't seem to care about you? I'd say the latter...

Of my four other siblings I have one brother who sends my mom flowers but won't pick up the phone to call or come see her...he lives 3 miles away. I do a lot for my mom and especially for her b'day and Mother's Day and it makes me mad that the rest ignore her. She never did anything 'wrong' to them so I don't 'get it'. My kids are the same way with me and I don't 'get' that either. I try to make excuses that they are 'busy', have their own life, etc. but a five minute phone call seems to be 'too much'. Oh well, life goes on. My mom's b'day and Mother's Day are only a couple weeks apart too.
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,255 posts, read 7,860,746 times
Reputation: 53203
Mothers Day is John's birthday. His mother is almost 7 hours away, my mother has been dead since 1990. John is retired now and I'm not going to work on his birthday weekend. I see champagne, some really good food and some adult activities in our future. It will be a great mothers day.
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