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Just wondering if anyone else dreads mothers day. I feel so guilty, but I do not have a great relationship with my mum who is turning 90 in May. I will go and celebrate it and bring my boys also ; she lives in Ireland. She is also in great health, drives and plays bridge and walks daily and lives alone.
But I guess I resent those who have great relationships with their mums and wish I did, but I don't and never will. She did have a hard life, but made it clear to all 5 of us that she was doing us a favor raising us and not dropping us off to an orphanage like my uncle told her to do when my dad left. Then she focused on the older 2, and left the younger 3 to raise each other. There is 5 years between us all and I am the youngest and lives the furthest away. There is a lot of bad history and things that she has done that I do not understand.
i do respect her, and see her when I go to Ireland and used to stay with her however the last two times I stayed with my mother in law as she is alone and has dementia and has nobody come to stay. My mum has my siblings who live close and check on her daily.
But I am so glad that I have a good relationship with my boys, we can laugh, be silly and be honest with each other. They know I love them and praise them and am so glad for the things they have done so far. I hate coming up to mothers day as many others are spending it with their mums who care, love and are interested in their lives and their grandchildren's lives.
Nope, my Mother knows I love her everyday and she does not care if I send her a special card or not.
She prefers contact throughout the entire year not just one day of the year.
When you mature a little bit, you are going to appreciate all she did for you and when she is gone, it's too late to say "Thank you".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
It's not a favor to raise 5 children that you chose to bring into the world.
^^^
The OP did not go into great detail nor did he have to. Yes, his mother had a hard life but many
mothers did also. The OP is mature enough to realize and understand that he does not have to
take any more emotional abuse from her, despite her age. Cruel, mean-spirited, narcissistic,
unloving and dysfunctional mothers can do a lot of damage to children. Just because she's older
doesn't make it acceptable. Many of the posters have been affected by heartless, selfish
controlling and manipulative mothers. Ignoring and criticizing their pain and the decisions they
made (for their own well being and probably for their children's sake also) is a bit harsh.
As far as the original post and the words regarding her mother who made it clear that she was doing all FIVE of them a favor by raising them ~ News Bulletin: She was! You wouldn't be alive on this Earth and neither would your siblings or your children for that matter were it not for your Mother, who gave you life. If you had lived her life and had FIVE children to raise, who knows what you would have done. Maybe she did and gave tremendously more for all of you than was done for her. Maybe she is a....what's the word....human. Humans are not perfect. Maybe she did the best she could. Did she feed all of you? Change all your diapers? Take care of you when you were sick? Devote the best years of her life to raising ALL of you? Remember, you would not even be alive, and therefore your children would not be alive, were it not for your Mother. Children are not discovered in the cabbage patch. The act of giving birth for most women is nothing short of agony, and many women have died in the process. She did not have to put any of you on the Earth and could have spent all the money invested in you and your siblings on herself, enjoyed the best years of her life not raising children who grow up ungrateful, judging her as a Mother, and expressing what a bother it is to see her on Mother's Day. OMG. She's ninety years old. When you mature a little bit, you are going to appreciate all she did for you and when she is gone, it's too late to say "Thank you".
Oh my gosh. You went to the very same school of guilt inducing that my mother graduated from magna *** laude. You've got it word for word. It must be written in the textbook and you copied word for word. I'll bet it was on the final exam.
Sorry, I've heard it so many times that it just rolls off my back. Blah Blah Blah.
I've already had my fill of the whole martyr scene, so I left.
Last edited by oregonwoodsmoke; 04-17-2014 at 01:15 PM..
Yes, my mom makes every year pretty miserable. I'll probably get a nasty text from her.
I HATE Mother's Day with a passion.
My mother is a very toxic, mentally unstable woman. She's extremely manipulative, tells horrible lies about different family members, and is a very unpleasant person to be around. I cannot even begin to express how horrible she is. She was such a rotten mother that I wound up raising my 4 siblings after my father divorced her (I'm the oldest daughter).
There's a reason why I moved to the exact other end of the country. To get as far away from her as possible. I've been in the process of completely cutting her out of my life and stopping all contact. This is something necessary to do for my own mental and emotional health.
She LOVES Mother's Day. She expects a huge fuss to be made, rah-rah-rah, Mother of the Year crap. And the Hallmark/media/social emphasis on Mothers Day, all the advertising, etc - that makes the whole month a living hell for me.
It's bittersweet. My mom died two years ago--I've talked about it before but she took her own life, she was 52 at the time. The year and half prior to it she was not the mom I grew up with(some ways good, and others devastatingly scary and bad) so the recent memories are full of confusion and constantly wishing she was here then realizing it will be decades before I see her again. It's also a good day because I'm a mom and honestly knowing the person I was 2.5 years ago I'm beyond amazed at how much I've transformed and how I've stepped into the role. Especially since I'm a single mom and have no one guiding me along the way-as in I have no one in my life besides mom friends lending me advice as I handle this on my own. I like getting recognized on Mother's Day...
Mother's Day is a hard holiday for me as my mother is deceased, however, when she was alive she made my life a living hell. It was worse when she was alive because then I would have to deal with her on this holiday. I am not a parent and have few living relatives so it is a sad day for me, just as Father's Day always was, since my father left when I was a few months old and we had little contact with each other - then he died at age 58. Most holidays are difficult because they are reminders of how I lost out in the family "lottery". I know I'm not alone in this feeling although when I was younger - I felt like I was the lonliest person in the world.
I don't see Mother's Day as a day just about being a mom. My mother was horrible but I have always honored female relatives, teachers, and friends on this day. I consider this day a celebration of all mothers, including women who are pet parents.
I am glad that I am not alone. I am also happy for those who have wonderful relationships with their mothers ; my husband is one of those. I used to be very proud of my mum when I was in my 20's and 30's. However while I had some issues with her, as I get older I realize that while she was overwhelmed and tired, she could also have been a little more sympathetic, compassionate, caring, loving, and proud of all her kids, instead of just being there for the older two.
As a friend of hers said once, nobody argues with your mum as she is always right and you are always wrong. No matter what, it was always about her and never about her children ; always about the fact that she was alone, never about the kids who didn't have a father growing up. We were the worst kids on the street no matter what we did.
Mind you, we are all grown with families of our own, have good jobs, no mortgages, three of us put ourselves thru college, four of the grandkids have masters, and still she will say that she did it all alone.
What kid of mother would try suicide twice in front of her kids, leave three of them locked outside every afternoon for hours( I was the youngest at 9), refuse to let three younger go to their fathers funeral (again, youngest was 18), but still have a memorial for the man she supposedly hated (just so neighbors could see her), and many many more. While I may feel selfish, at what age does one accept this and move on. I cannot change her, and yes, I do respect her for her age, I make sure my boys get praise, love, hugs, attention, acceptance and respect and the knowledge that their parents tried their best. But its so hard realizing that a mother could not provide basic love.
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