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Old 04-20-2014, 10:14 PM
 
2,415 posts, read 2,426,283 times
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Have you ever had a former bully or tormentor apologize to you at some later time?

That is, did you ever have some person(s) who used to subject you to verbal or physical bullying or tormenting (teasing, taunting, berating, belittling, et al) in whatever context and, at some later time in life (whether in the nearer time frame to your bullying or torment or at some later time in life), they either sought you out to apologize to you or unexpectedly saw you from a distance or crossed your path and came up to you directly to offer their sincere apologies or to otherwise make amends to you?


If so, please describe how it occurred, in what context or situation, and what transpired. Share whatever you'd be willing to share (whatever you share or don't share is up to you).


Such details can include, for instance:
1. In what way(s) were you bullied or tormented and by whom (i.e., what type of person was your bullier or tormentor, such as a classmate or next-door neighbor or a fellow neighborhood resident or a co-worker or a boss or supervisor or family member or relative or . . . . . ?

2. Did they, on their own initiative, try to find you and seek you out at some later time in life to make said apology? Or did they send you a letter or email to explain themselves or somehow get your phone number and call you (and how did they know where and how to find you in this manner)? Or did they run into you or come across you unexpectedly somewhere out there in the world and then come up to you to present themselves and apologize?

3. Did they simply put it very short and simple (such as "Hey, sorry" or "Sorry for picking on you" or some similar very short and unemotional response)? Or did they give a more fuller and sincere, emotional, and truly contrite apology to you (even profusely apologizing and beating up on or castigating themselves, for instance)? Were they rather calm and dispassionate about it (even seemng to not care too much but just paying their misdeeds lip service) or did they seem genuinely sad or even weep or shed any tears about it?

4. Did they try to explain themselves and what motivated them or what made them be that kind of person? Or was it simply "Hey, sorry" or "I'm sorry" or "I'm so sorry"?

5. And how did you take their seeking you out to reach out to you or coming across you and taking it upon themselves to approach you to make amends with you? Or did you come across them somehow or someplace out there in the world and confront them and then, at that point, they responded with an apology? However it happened, did you deem their apology to be genuine and heartfelt or not and to what degree? And did you genuinely accept their apology or amends or not? And how did their apologizing to you in the way that they did affect your present and future feelings toward and thoughts about them?

6. And did they offer to make any kind of amends to you to make it up to you (beyond them merely saying "I'm sorry")?

Last edited by UsAll; 04-20-2014 at 11:37 PM..
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Old 04-20-2014, 10:35 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,005 posts, read 55,785,174 times
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No. I have never been bullied. I tend to intimidate people
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:08 AM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,949,697 times
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Default Why would a bully EVER apologize? They have narcissistic personality disorder.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UsAll View Post
Have you ever had a former bully or tormentor apologize to you at some later time?

If you are hoping for self-awareness or contrition, you are wasting your time. Narcissists will never, ever change - what they are is hard-wired and it works for them. So, the short answer is NO. And I'm not holding my breath.
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Old 04-21-2014, 06:35 AM
 
13,678 posts, read 13,598,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_sm1th73 View Post
If you are hoping for self-awareness or contrition, you are wasting your time. Narcissists will never, ever change - what they are is hard-wired and it works for them. So, the short answer is NO. And I'm not holding my breath.
Actually, I have had a bully apologize to me. I was bullied pretty regularly in my first couple years of high school; then one of the ringleaders left the school (after I had pretty much put him in his place - the realization that I was a girl who could beat him up or make him look like an idiot for fighting a girl backed him down) and I ended up in the same social circle with one of my bullies in the last two years of high school. He sent me an apology email when we got to college.

It didn't really give me a warm fuzzy or anything. I just shrugged and deleted the email - I may have sent him a "don't sweat it" email or something. But he'd ceased to have any real significance to me.

I'm actually friends with people who were once adversaries in high school. We grew out of it, basically - it's all bygones for me. There are a couple I am fairly convinced are stone-cold sociopaths - those are the ones I avoid. They tended to get the less malicious kids stirred up.

Basically, I've classified my bullies into three groups - the easily led (no crime in that - we were kids), the sociopaths and the idiots. I'm friends with some of the "easily led" - honestly, I can't say I never bullied anyone in high school, and I could fall into this group. I was so miserable back then, I was perfectly capable of lashing out in minor ways to make myself feel better, and maybe I made someone else feel just as crappy as I did on occasion.

Then there were the sociopaths - these were the kids who were just cruel and warped and embraced it. There were two or three in my class, and I've seen how one of them interacts on facebook as an adult. Hasn't changed a bit. I avoid them even as an adult.

Finally, there were the idiots who fall right in the middle of the spectrum, the way I see it. No self awareness, no idea that they did any damage, just cruising through life without a shred of introspection, but they aren't deliberately cruel. They're like the emotional version of a bull in a china shop. I don't avoid these, but I don't go out of my way to interact with them.
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Old 04-21-2014, 07:02 AM
 
Location: St. Mary's County, Maryland
165 posts, read 161,221 times
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It wasn't an apology, but a former minor tormentor, after seeing me on the street after we had graduated from business school, was genuinely friendly to me. I realized in school one day that she wasn't serious about threatening me because she almost started laughing, and she was alone and not with her fellow egger-on-ers. She didn't know that I overheard her telling someone in school that she was sick and tired of [the mentality she felt forced to follow] s**t.

Other tormentors apologizing: I should be so lucky.

Sometimes you know you are kind of an outcast with some people but if you all live in the same place long enough a sort of respect comes into play because you are old guard at that point, and each person looks out for the others.

Last edited by hojobojo; 04-21-2014 at 07:05 AM.. Reason: forgot something
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:23 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,063 posts, read 12,841,646 times
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I had former bullies trying to friend me on facebook.

I resisted the temptating to tell them to go to hell and just ignored their friend request.
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:26 AM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,763,217 times
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No, and I don't think it will.
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Old 04-21-2014, 12:51 PM
 
255 posts, read 332,136 times
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None of my bullies have ever apologized, and I doubt they will. When I was in seventh grade, I got bullied quite a bit. So being an idiot, I started bullying a girl who was an ex friend. Our friendship didn't end badly or anything. It's just we ended up being in different classes the year before and so our friendship just kind of drifted apart. The problem was, I knew she was a shy quiet girl like me and so I used it to my advantage to hurt her. It was something I regretted doing while I was doing (I still don't why to this day I did it when I was getting bullied myself) it and something I regretted for years after. She ended up moving away. She added me to Facebook a few years ago, and I apologized for everything. She seemed to have no resentment for me though. She said she knew why I was doing it, and so she ignored it. It just shows what a good person she is to overlook that. I don't think I could really forgive any of my main torments. There are a few maybe, but not the group of girls who bullied me from seventh grade until even into our twenties. I've moved since then to a new city. But I go back to visit family sometimes, and if one of them sees me they will still make a rude comment. I don't get why. I was a shy quiet girl who barely talked to them, but they really seem to hate me.
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:43 PM
 
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Never a true bully - but a girl I went to high school with...she was the Miss It back in the day. Perfect 80s hair, cheerleader the school revolved around her basically. However, she was never mean...if you weren't in her circle, she pretty much ignored you other than to say hello if you said it first...but there was no bullying or mean comments like many of the other girls in her clique.

She found me on facebook a couple of years back and apologized for anything that she may have done to hurt me back then and she shouldn't have been more friendly to everyone. I was honest with her, she may have ignored me, but she wasn't a bully and I had no hard feelings about her. We do talk from time to time on facebook, and had a drink together when I ran into her when I went back home for a visit.

The real bullies wouldn't even think about apologizing.
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:56 PM
 
552 posts, read 700,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
No. I have never been bullied. I tend to intimidate people
Best defense is a good offense
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