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Old 04-22-2014, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,483 posts, read 5,005,314 times
Reputation: 13858

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
Yes, the questions myself and other patrons ponder are along those lines.

Am I going to be this bitter and hateful (more so) when I retire?
How is my retirement planning going, so that I have a better choice of where I live?
Need to exercise more so that I have better control (if any) of potential health issues as I age.

However as someone that has moved often as an adult, I know the challenges of trying to meet new people in an unfamiliar area. Resulting from this I think about topics of conversation I try to engage others with. Trying to make sure conversation flows two ways, rather than one party storytelling. I understand the desire to go out and interact with different (younger) people. But they don't want to interact with other seniors 'because they complain' and 'have too many problems'. But that's what they try to discuss with younger folks. Maybe its the mirror they fear.

Many of these seniors have lived in the city for a good part of their lives, some have part time jobs. They should have some contacts. Its not like they are shut ins in a dilapidated ghetto. Facility is in a desired part of the city with easy public transport access if they don't have their own. Again, these seniors are reasonably able bodied and have their wits. Its not a nursing home.

Maybe its the sense of entitlement many of them have, but don't feel they are getting. I saw that with one parent and some relatives. The ones who spent money as it came in, and had little saved as they aged. They are bitter and think someone owes them a nice house with servants.

Is this really any different from some guy at a bar, who goes up to a stranger and complains about their job for 15 minutes? At any age this is annoying. You may be tolerant over time of their rant if its not regular behavior of this person. But regularly? Few folks like complainers.

Maybe its just another tale of have and have-nots. Ant and grasshopper. Finding something to be involved with. A couple of the guys stop in after their golf, or involvement with a civic organization. Surprise. Generally pleasant folks, decent conversation, nice to be around.

Just because you are mad at yourself, doesn't give you the right to make other folks miserable.

Yes. There is no cheating death (age) and taxes. I just hope the choices I make and work toward, don't have me bitter.
I think that in your efforts to NOT be ageist, you are going overboard. If the behavior of these people is not acceptable in your place of business, let the consequences of that be the same as they are for any other person.
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Old 04-22-2014, 07:26 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 66,920,434 times
Reputation: 22369
Why doesn't someone just tell the loudmouths (regardless of age!) to just STHU?

Sounds to me that everyone has been overly polite BECAUSE the patrons are elderly. This is not ageism . . . this is being overly solicitous to patrons who otherwise would be told to stuff it and not talk so loudly, to stop with the antagonism, to muffle their tone, turn down the rhetoric, etc.

When folks find a "community bar/pub" and create a little universe for themselves (the "regulars") - it IS disconcerting to have several others show up and create irritations for the patrons as well as the owner/manager.

I am so surprised that folks seem to think it is someone's "right" to be obnoxious just b/c they are seniors.
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Old 04-22-2014, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Up North in God's Country
670 posts, read 809,633 times
Reputation: 992
Default Older People

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
More of a rant...

We have some senior facilities in our neighborhood. There are a couple area pubs that that are within a mile of their facility that some of them (seniors) have started to frequent. At first people didn't mind as they would just come in for a beer. But as time went on (about a year) staff and other patrons cringe when they show up. They all complain about their living situation and how they don't like others they live with...because the others are old and complain all the time...or they are too loud. Not surprisingly, they try to engage in 'conversation' (meaning they talk at) with anyone who comes near them....Except the other seniors. Usual topics are needing money, pains and medical procedures, minorities, wanting to move somewhere else....and they don't shut up. Its having your elderly relatives come over for happy hour daily.

They are demanding, often asking to get the TV changed if they don't like the program, wanting background music changed or turned down. Complaints about the strengths or volume of drinks etc. It gotten to the point that a couple of them have told they are not welcome anymore. Another has been belligerent and would proposition patrons before passing out in a chair (now banned). (meds may have kicked in).

Initially patrons felt sorry for them as they figured they were lonely and bored. But we have found them to be rude, bitter and unpleasant to be around. Now most patrons try to avoid them and Staff stops serving them once they become rude and often calls a cab for their mile ride home (which may be the MO of a few of them). The business is debating the awkward choice of not accepting these patrons.

Maybe if senior facilities had a bar, these people could go there to complain, and leave the rest of us peacefully alone.
Wow...Why don't we just gather up everyone over the age of 65 and send them to an island somewhere so they don't bother the younger people who seem to think that this world exists to serve their every need on a silver platter? Guess what? You're going to be 65+ someday...if you're lucky.

You should try talking to some of these seniors sometime. You would probably learn a lot. Do yourself a favor and look up the definitions of the words empathy and compassion.
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Old 04-22-2014, 07:32 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 66,920,434 times
Reputation: 22369
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSoBelle View Post
Wow...Why don't we just gather up everyone over the age of 65 and send them to an island somewhere so they don't bother the younger people who seem to think that this world exists to serve their every need on a silver platter? Guess what? You're going to be 65+ someday...if you're lucky.

You should try talking to some of these seniors sometime. You would probably learn a lot. Do yourself a favor and look up the definitions of the words empathy and compassion.
I think if you put everyone over 65 on an island, this group of obnoxious loudmouth seniors would be shunned by the other seniors.

I don't think the OP has anything at all against a senior being in the bar.

He is actually wondering why everyone has to put up with obnoxious behavior simply because the person is ELDERLY.

Even other elderly folks don't want to sit and listen to whiners all day, lol. No one does.
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Old 04-22-2014, 07:35 AM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,658,447 times
Reputation: 20214
My only wish for the OP is that he grows old and becomes incontinent, both fecally and urine. I think that would be fitting.
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Old 04-22-2014, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,187 posts, read 7,825,383 times
Reputation: 53018
Welcome to my world which involves taking care of sick old people and their sometimes out of control crazy family members for eight hours or more a day. Yes some of them are rude, combative, mean and difficult to handle. Others are pleasant, nice, and down right gracious about some very difficult situations. There are times where I'm so stressed out I just want to go in a corner some where and scream obscenities until I'm hoarse, however, my paycheck is more important then that self indulgence for right now. You have to develop skills to deflect their ignorance and always keep in perspective that they may be gone forever tomorrow. Aging is not a fun thing and presents all kinds of difficulties. I would personally feel sorry for anyone being forced to live where they weren't comfortable. Dealing with difficult people will be a part of all of our lives, that's a given. Finding a way to deal with it without getting yourself in a bad state of mind is an art form.
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Old 04-22-2014, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,843 posts, read 1,928,416 times
Reputation: 1899
If I were you I'd change bars. Maybe this one is the closest to their retirement home. Go to another and let them be.
I can't judge them. I haven;t been in their shoes and I wouldn;t blame them just because they are old. I met lots of working age people who are just like that, speaking loudly, complaining etc.
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Old 04-22-2014, 10:55 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,224 posts, read 14,827,788 times
Reputation: 14976
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
The new persecuted minority old people
Seems like we always need a whipping boy don't we
We babyboomers are definitely not a minority. Gray Panthers untie! Oh wait, my vision's not so good, make that unite. Imagine getting a parade permit for us oldies. We could hobble down the main avenue of a town, shutting it down for a couple days at least while we creep along with our walkers and canes.

Actually, I have friends in their 30s who swear they cannot keep up with me while out shopping. And they don't keep up, even if they could. I'd rather be outside enjoying the sunshine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraBenNemsi View Post
It's just the first wave of the baby boomers.

They will be more old people swarming your neighborhood, malls, parks, and bars. Many more! It'll be a tsunami of gray panthers. Some of them will be rowdy, some demanding sex, your money, the car keys. Geriatric gangs under the cover of Alzheimers and dementia unaccountable to the laws. Being glued to her text messages & iPhones will be no escape for teenagers. Getting an aluminum cane into your cojones is more efficient than an AARP discount when the pension wears thin. Viagra turned senior citizen homes into red light districts. The protection fee of your favorite bar is fixing the free bar for a regular Octogenarian Monday. And longingly you'll remember the sad, bitter, lonely monologues of the elderlies you had to endure in the 2010s.

They are coming and the single child/unwed mother crowd is too young & too poor to rescue you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Why doesn't someone just tell the loudmouths (regardless of age!) to just STHU?

Sounds to me that everyone has been overly polite BECAUSE the patrons are elderly. This is not ageism . . . this is being overly solicitous to patrons who otherwise would be told to stuff it and not talk so loudly, to stop with the antagonism, to muffle their tone, turn down the rhetoric, etc.

When folks find a "community bar/pub" and create a little universe for themselves (the "regulars") - it IS disconcerting to have several others show up and create irritations for the patrons as well as the owner/manager.

I am so surprised that folks seem to think it is someone's "right" to be obnoxious just b/c they are seniors.
Nah, not a right to be obnoxious. Although the last time I went to hear a friend sing (ugh in a bar), the majority of patrons were obnoxious. Age is irrelevant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
My only wish for the OP is that he grows old and becomes incontinent, both fecally and urine. I think that would be fitting.
Oh good grief - I don't wish that for him. I wish for him to find more compassion and tolerance as he ages.

BTW, I am loud in public. Sorry, can't help it. I can't hear myself when there's background sounds (that includes others talking, nevermind music/TV/etc.) and it's automatic for my voice to rise in volume so I know what I'm saying. It's more pronounced for me as I used to do public speaking and singing so I project
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:03 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,346 posts, read 8,419,853 times
Reputation: 19416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
Yes, the questions myself and other patrons ponder are along those lines.

Am I going to be this bitter and hateful (more so) when I retire?
How is my retirement planning going, so that I have a better choice of where I live?
Need to exercise more so that I have better control (if any) of potential health issues as I age........
You're on to something, I think.
I'm retired.
And I'm fiscally secure and pretty conservative (OK. I'm a tightwad. Shoot me.).
So I won't ever have to go to a no frills retirement situation. I might have to "go somewhere" some day, but it'll be nice.

Make sure this happens for you. It is not an accident that it happens for me.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:15 PM
Status: "Stranger than Fiction" (set 2 days ago)
 
8,471 posts, read 10,726,641 times
Reputation: 12439
Right now I work with 80-90 year olds. Some are very funny and have wonderful stories to tell. Some have used their time/lives wisely and can actually impart wisdom on to the rest of us. Some are pompous, still. Some are whiners. All kinds, like the young. Hardest part w/ me is I have to talk very LOUDLY and after work still my volume is set up. Another thing is that some do seem to siphon your energy like the latest gas guzzlers around. I never feel that way w/ young people, middle agers, etc.
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