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Old 04-24-2014, 01:29 PM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,526 posts, read 838,956 times
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We don't know what are the reasons behind your best friend distant herself from you. It could be related to something you did, or something else that she feels the need to step back and cut off certain people in her life, perhaps so to move on.
My advice is to respect her need for distant even if you're concern. If there's misunderstanding between you, she would've talk about it if she wants to work things out. Although you've been best friends, she's not attached to you and doesn't owe you an explaination if she's not comfortable to talk about it.
Let it process its course and know that this thing happens in life and don't take it personally.
I have been one who create distant from friends and I want them to respect my need to break away too. People have their own life to deal with and best friend is not always one of them.

Last edited by softcrunch; 04-24-2014 at 01:47 PM..
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Old 04-24-2014, 02:51 PM
 
Location: sumter
8,435 posts, read 5,275,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch View Post
We don't know what are the reasons behind your best friend distant herself from you. It could be related to something you did, or something else that she feels the need to step back and cut off certain people in her life, perhaps so to move on.
My advice is to respect her need for distant even if you're concern. If there's misunderstanding between you, she would've talk about it if she wants to work things out. Although you've been best friends, she's not attached to you and doesn't owe you an explaination if she's not comfortable to talk about it.
Let it process its course and know that this thing happens in life and don't take it personally.
I have been one who create distant from friends and I want them to respect my need to break away too. People have their own life to deal with and best friend is not always one of them.
I respectfully disagree when you said she doesn't owe an explanation, no she don't have to explain anything. But if a person was special enough for you to call them your best friend and if they truly was a best friend to you, then you should respect what you had together enough to let them know what is going on. No, you don't have to talk about every detail but you just shouldn't end a friendship like that without some spoken words. I know its two side to every story but from what the op posted, she know no reason why her friend is acting this way. If anybody say they are my best friend then act this way, then they really wasn't a best friend after all.
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Old 04-24-2014, 02:55 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,955,789 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jzeig104 View Post
Had a good friend like this and it turned out that she had become depressed and didnt want to share it with anyone. I gently inquired as to what was happening, and she came out with it. Got her to go see her doctor and then gave her some space for a few weeks. She's much better now.

Try not to take it personally. There may be something going on that she doesnt feel comfortable sharing right now.
I agree with this, same issue happened with a good friend of mine. Instead of saying she was neglecting me or I felt she was distancing herself (that can be accusatory and make them feel worse).

I just asked her if everything was alright and that I was there for her. It all came out then, she was severely depressed and I pushed her to get help and she's much better now.
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Old 04-24-2014, 02:55 PM
 
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Man problems. 9 times out of ten that's it.
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Old 04-24-2014, 03:16 PM
 
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Oh screw her.

If she's going to go all silent like that, well, that is abusive behaviour.

Even a murderer gets his day in court before he's tried and hanged.

Whatever "it" is, she's denying you any chance to correct it or apologise.

Let her go. She doesn't deserve friends if she plays like that.

BTW I have had this happen many, many times in my life. In retrospect good old fashioned JEALOUSY usually is a factor in there somewhere.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:09 PM
 
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Some of the responses here make me relieved I don't have many friends. I can't have demanding friends. I have enough demands from my own life. I want to be thankful and appreciative for someone's friendship not feel put upon thati have to live according to their standards. They're better off not trying to be friends with me.
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Old 04-24-2014, 11:56 PM
 
1,410 posts, read 1,803,775 times
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Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
If you are truly a friend or a best friend of a person, I don't believe you treat people this way without any explanation. Even if you are going through something, true friendship is about going through the good times and bad times together and having that emotional support and a shoulder to lean on. True friendship is constant and not hot and cold or off and on . Also if you are my friend, then tell me what I need to hear instead of what you think I want to hear. Its about being honest and straightforward. Best friends keep each other grounded and there in the time of need. Anybody I call a friend, I wouldn't do them like this and have them guessing what is wrong with me and to have them thinking what did they do. You owe it to your friend to let them know that its nothing that they have done and to let them know you are going through a personal struggle. And if they are you friend, they will understand and be by your side as you work through your issues.
I couldn't have said it better! Besides, most of us aren't mind readers. And I know for sure that when I'm going through bad times, if I consider someone a true friend, I confide in them because I need the advice and emotional support and understanding and it feels better to get it off my chest. Friends don't just share the good news, but all types.
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:03 AM
 
1,410 posts, read 1,803,775 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Oh screw her.

If she's going to go all silent like that, well, that is abusive behaviour.

Even a murderer gets his day in court before he's tried and hanged.

Whatever "it" is, she's denying you any chance to correct it or apologise.

Let her go. She doesn't deserve friends if she plays like that.

BTW I have had this happen many, many times in my life. In retrospect good old fashioned JEALOUSY usually is a factor in there somewhere.

Not politically correct, but blunt and to the point and so honest and true as it needs to be! (now where's the 'clapping hands' emoticon?!)
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:36 PM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,526 posts, read 838,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
I respectfully disagree when you said she doesn't owe an explanation, no she don't have to explain anything. But if a person was special enough for you to call them your best friend and if they truly was a best friend to you, then you should respect what you had together enough to let them know what is going on. No, you don't have to talk about every detail but you just shouldn't end a friendship like that without some spoken words. I know its two side to every story but from what the op posted, she know no reason why her friend is acting this way. If anybody say they are my best friend then act this way, then they really wasn't a best friend after all.
I respect your disagreement but no friend should owe her an explaination. They WERE best friends not spouses or couple. So yes, if the best friend doesn't feel the need to explain she probably don't see a big deal out of it, distancing not necessary means end of friendship. Instead OP sounds like her life revolves around her best friend. You can have many friends, people come people go in life, so if she's not giving you the time of the day and you feel disrespected because she's not fulfilling your "best friend"'s role, then you probably aren't best friends after all.
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:53 PM
 
13,667 posts, read 14,536,595 times
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I disagree that you should tell your friend what they do that makes you want to distance yourself.

people grow apart, end of story. sometimes personality traits you overlooked before are now too much in the forefront to ignore. to pick at someone like that over who it is that they "are" seems cruel. like telling someone you don't want to hang with them because they have a big nose or some other thing they can't really change.

there is also a good possibility if you told them what they do that bothers you doesn't mean they will acknowledge it or they could even not believe that this is "how they are". like another poster said this isn't a spouse or a partner it is a friend. let them down easy no reason to rub their face in it.
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