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Old 04-25-2014, 03:05 PM
 
Location: sumter
8,436 posts, read 5,282,067 times
Reputation: 6527

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Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch View Post
I respect your disagreement but no friend should owe her an explaination. They WERE best friends not spouses or couple. So yes, if the best friend doesn't feel the need to explain she probably don't see a big deal out of it, distancing not necessary means end of friendship. Instead OP sounds like her life revolves around her best friend. You can have many friends, people come people go in life, so if she's not giving you the time of the day and you feel disrespected because she's not fulfilling your "best friend"'s role, then you probably aren't best friends after all.
I agree they were never BEST friends.
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Old 04-25-2014, 05:22 PM
 
1,410 posts, read 1,804,796 times
Reputation: 1157
I have an instance like this decades ago where I distanced myself from someone, but she was just a work friend, not a best friend, just someone to chitchat with to pass the time when things were slow. I did not know her outside of work, and I'd known her for less than 6 months.

So her name was Amber and she had an older friend who she was closer to, but who worked the nightshift. Me and Amber worked the dayshift, so I guess I was stuck with her. She'd always come over to my table uninvited, when I would've rather have been alone in my thoughts. So she'd plop herself down interrupting my daydreams going on and on about herself, retelling the same old mundane stories. I never got a word in edgewise. She dominated the conversation -- or more like monologue. How very selfish. Whenever I started talking about myself, she'd find excuses to get up, and pretend to suddenly be busy.

Finally, I distanced myself from her. When she'd come to my table, I'd suddenly get up and act busy, giving her a wee taste of her own medicine. I guess she went crying to her closer buddy from the nightshift, because that friend came to me and tried to lay a guilt trip on me asking why I was ignoring poor Amber. OMG. So I said to her that if she cares so much, why doesn't she come work days and babysit Amber and listen to her boring self-indulgent monologues. Amber didn't have a clue about conversational give-and-take.

Well, Amber moved out of state not too long after that, so no biggie. But the point is that I was a coward. I should've gotten the guts to tell her straight out how she was being rude. It probably could've been fixed. Some people truly aren't aware of what they're doing wrong until you call them out on it. On that same token, I think others who do the whole brush-off thing are being cowardly too and making their friend feel insignificant that they aren't deemed 'worthy' of any excuse or explanation.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:19 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,281,290 times
Reputation: 1144
Quote:
Originally Posted by temazepam View Post
I have an instance like this decades ago where I distanced myself from someone, but she was just a work friend, not a best friend, just someone to chitchat with to pass the time when things were slow. I did not know her outside of work, and I'd known her for less than 6 months.

So her name was Amber and she had an older friend who she was closer to, but who worked the nightshift. Me and Amber worked the dayshift, so I guess I was stuck with her. She'd always come over to my table uninvited, when I would've rather have been alone in my thoughts. So she'd plop herself down interrupting my daydreams going on and on about herself, retelling the same old mundane stories. I never got a word in edgewise. She dominated the conversation -- or more like monologue. How very selfish. Whenever I started talking about myself, she'd find excuses to get up, and pretend to suddenly be busy.

Finally, I distanced myself from her. When she'd come to my table, I'd suddenly get up and act busy, giving her a wee taste of her own medicine. I guess she went crying to her closer buddy from the nightshift, because that friend came to me and tried to lay a guilt trip on me asking why I was ignoring poor Amber. OMG. So I said to her that if she cares so much, why doesn't she come work days and babysit Amber and listen to her boring self-indulgent monologues. Amber didn't have a clue about conversational give-and-take.

Well, Amber moved out of state not too long after that, so no biggie. But the point is that I was a coward. I should've gotten the guts to tell her straight out how she was being rude. It probably could've been fixed. Some people truly aren't aware of what they're doing wrong until you call them out on it. On that same token, I think others who do the whole brush-off thing are being cowardly too and making their friend feel insignificant that they aren't deemed 'worthy' of any excuse or explanation.
I liked this one. You can tell that there is always a reason for these types of behaviors. Actually temazepam, you've made me think about myself and how I interact with people. Great post!
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