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Old 04-24-2014, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,248 posts, read 7,857,449 times
Reputation: 53188

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Your parents are who they are and they deserve to be respected in spite of their their extreme belief system, however, the line is crossed when they don't convey that same respect for your lifestyle. We all have the right to live our lives to it's happiest potential. One size does not fit all and it's very sad that your parents are so narrow in their views. That being said the choice is yours whether you want to continue a relationship with them or not. I have a friend who is very Catholic. I do mean very. Her son hid his homosexuality because of her beliefs until he got AIDS. He was certain that he would be kicked out and disowned. My friend told her son that he was still her son and that she would always love him. Her and I are pretty much on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to religion, but we have that mutual love and respect for each other. She told me that God saved her son when he got sick with PCP and my response was that it was good medicine that cured him. It never caused an argument nor do either of us try to convert each other to our belief system. It is a sad surrender when that level of respect disappears and is replaced by a narrow fanatic point of view. I hope some day your parents learn to develop that level of respect for you. Until then you can teach by example. Be respectful of their point of view, treat them with love and kindness and maybe some day they will come around and be able to treat you and your life long partner with the same kindness, love and respect. You seem like a strong person but your parents have a legitimate concern for your safety. Please be safe and good luck to you.
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Old 04-24-2014, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,563 posts, read 33,282,476 times
Reputation: 32116
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post

Given that, let me ask you to consider something okay?

Tolerance and acceptance works best as a two way street.

You have called your parents "obsessed", "entrenched in their religious views", "narrow minded" and "completely unopen to new ideas."

While that may be true in your opinion, you would do well to remember that their views of your life are true for them too, see?

My advice to you? Just love them.

This is not a perfect world and they are doing the best they can with what they know or understand about God's expectations of them. If anything, pity them. But don't let their human frailties cause you to judge them harshly. You yourself said they are "good people" and they clearly love you and desire a relationship with you.

Focus on the good and it can in time overcome the bad.

Best of luck
Are you kidding me now? The parents ARE being narrowminded and intolerant. That is a FACT. They are letting their narrow religious views get in the way of their relationship with their child. If that aint obsession I dont know what is. I think you are extremely biased in this.
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Old 04-24-2014, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Striving for Avalon
1,424 posts, read 2,084,772 times
Reputation: 3348
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Are you kidding me now? The parents ARE being narrowminded and intolerant. That is a FACT. They are letting their narrow religious views get in the way of their relationship with their child. If that aint obsession I dont know what is. I think you are extremely biased in this.
Agreed. I hate it when these trite, canned clichés are trotted out to solve someone's problems. It becomes insulting when paired with a tone best described as "condescending concern".

If we assign even a modicum of credibility to the OP's narrative, we can discern that he's tried his best to meet his own obligations required for mutual respect and acceptance. (Mutual respect, IMO, is what is lacking here)

His parents' views preclude them from reaching that level of respect. A worldview stressing the supremacy of salvation inherently devalues the "unsaved"/"damned" and the characteristics responsible for that "deficiency". As an example, there were a number of contrarians among 19th century missionaries to East Asia. Conventional missionaries saw those following traditional belief systems (Buddhism, Shinto, ancestor worship, etc) as desperately in need of Christ and salvation. By the mid-19th century, it dawned on a few that East Asian people had constructed remarkable civilisations with advanced government and art with notable achievements in fine art, the humanities, and science. Systems of ethics and morals existed. All of this without Christ!

His parents have not realised that he has managed to live well in a non-evangelical context. They refuse to accept that this is possible, it seems. Hence the mini sermons and the constant invoking of the Lord. (I get this as well. Apostasy is a real threat, it seems). Their discomfort with anything "gay" is going to be a problem. It's difficult to try and live a double life and compartmentalise "family" and "me" and keep them far apart. Imagine never being able to spend a peaceful holiday together because your spouse/SO has to run off to spend a few hours/days with the family...and you're not welcome. That's hard on both in the relationship. Without that complication, being "too gay" is always a concern. If any of you think that gays or lesbians don't try to "tone it down" among family (depending on the family), you're delusional.

Sometimes I wonder if those born into accepting/celebratory socially liberal (often upper middle class) families realise their good fortune.
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Old 04-24-2014, 12:26 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,323,014 times
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One set of neighbors next door to me is like this. The wife hides her smoking from her children and parents because she comes from a very religious family. She married her boyfriend because her parents didn't like them "living in sin." She openly admits that he treats her like garbage. He doesn't work, help with housework, help with the kids or do anything to be a part of the family structure. Yet, she was forced to marry him just to appease her parents' religious views. She is in her early 40s and this is her second husband so she's well past the age of needing her parents' permission or approval.
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Old 04-24-2014, 03:44 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,684,066 times
Reputation: 11932
Yeah the problem I have with conservative Christians is, they're usually in no position to instruct others how to live.

Hypocrites.

Just look at all the ministers caught with their hands in the cookie jar/up someone else's wife, and you'll see what I mean.

Truly holy people, such as Mother Theresa or the Pope, do not need to advertise their holiness nor thrust it upon anyone else.

Faith is a private matter. Or should be.
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Old 04-24-2014, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Are you kidding me now? The parents ARE being narrowminded and intolerant. That is a FACT. They are letting their narrow religious views get in the way of their relationship with their child. If that aint obsession I dont know what is. I think you are extremely biased in this.
I didn't say the parent's weren't being narrow-minded and intolerant.

I just said that judging them for what they do when they believe just as strongly as our OP that they can't change "who" they are is equally judgemental and intolerant.

Far better for our OP that she recognize this and move to focus on the positive's in this situation instead of living in anger, bitterness and resentment.

We don't have to always like everything about the people we love you know.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,563 posts, read 33,282,476 times
Reputation: 32116
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I didn't say the parent's weren't being narrow-minded and intolerant.

I just said that judging them for what they do when they believe just as strongly as our OP that they can't change "who" they are is equally judgemental and intolerant.

Far better for our OP that she recognize this and move to focus on the positive's in this situation instead of living in anger, bitterness and resentment.

We don't have to always like everything about the people we love you know.
Good God you do not get it. The last line you typed, just ugh. That would more be appropriate if the parents did not like that OP got a tattoo. We are talking about a refusal to accept something the OP holds dear to them which is their sexuality. Hell, not even accept it, just respect the right of the OP to live that belief about their sexuality and not badger her about it when she has made clear who she is. She has no interest in changing her parents beliefs, just to have a convo with them without being preached. She is not asking the world here. As long as her parents are that line of thinking, she is best served leaving them alone until they can show respect for her sexuality.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Good God you do not get it. The last line you typed, just ugh. That would more be appropriate if the parents did not like that OP got a tattoo. We are talking about a refusal to accept something the OP holds dear to them which is their sexuality. Hell, not even accept it, just respect the right of the OP to live that belief about their sexuality and not badger her about it when she has made clear who she is. She has no interest in changing her parents beliefs, just to have a convo with them without being preached. She is not asking the world here. As long as her parents are that line of thinking, she is best served leaving them alone until they can show respect for her sexuality.
You are very young.

You have also never been a parent or a gay person.

The OP loves her parents. She knows they love her. The parents have not rejected her, and she does not wish to reject them.

This is a situation where focusing on what you DO have is much better than staying in an angry fight mode over what you don't have.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:29 PM
 
1,309 posts, read 898,618 times
Reputation: 1754
My parents are similar to yours. Just make fun of them and point out their ridiculous logical inconsistencies to amuse yourself. They could get a hint since theyre likely believing all the crap they see on FOX News. If they dont, you are at least being true to thineself and should not feel bad.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,563 posts, read 33,282,476 times
Reputation: 32116
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
You are very young.

You have also never been a parent or a gay person.

The OP loves her parents. She knows they love her. The parents have not rejected her, and she does not wish to reject them.

This is a situation where focusing on what you DO have is much better than staying in an angry fight mode over what you don't have.
This post is so condescending it almost does not deserve a response.

The OP has two parents who will not respect her right to live to the dictates of her heart. That is EXACTLY what she has. If she wants peace and for her parents to accept her fully, she needs to disappear for a period from her parents life to make them realize the error of their ways.
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