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Old 04-28-2014, 11:34 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,970,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JimRom View Post
OP, perhaps you could try sitting down and having an adult style conversation with your mother about how hard she's pushing.
Ha in Indian/Middle Eastern/Asian cultures that is easier said than done! Wouldn't be surprised if trying to talk to her like an adult will just earn him a smack lol.
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Old 04-28-2014, 04:54 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,645,173 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by breeinmo. View Post
Just remember OP, we've all been a teenager, but until we have a child, we've never been a parent.
More to the point (or equal to the point), we've all had parents and there's one thing most, if not all of us learned from that experience: Having a child doesn't mean you're going to be a good parent or that you know how to raise a child to be a happy, healthy, productive human being any better than the next person, including someone who hasn't had one.

Nature doesn't give the gift of reproduction only to those who will be model caregivers and do everything right and nature doesn't magically imbue people with knowledge and wisdom they can only obtain from the universe once a baby is born to them.

In short, all sorts can be parents and no parents are guaranteed to have any clue what they're doing, but like anyone else who cares about you and feels responsible for your well-being (assuming either of those is true about your parents), they'll start with doing what they think is best for you.

Sometimes, they'll do something good, like consoling you after a breakup. Other times, it's maybe not so good, like depriving you of food as punishment for forgetting to say thank you in a genuine effort to teach you about manners.

A lot of the time, though, maybe even most of the time, it'll be something that's not obviously bad or good. Things even parents may not agree on. Things like getting on your case about school over and over again.

How much is too much? When does caring become overbearing? When does concern for your child's future become a lack of faith in your child's ability to make the right choices on their own and, by extension, a lack of confidence in how well you raised them?

If it's not clear what they should do, the parents will decide if an action is good or not by their gut or by tradition or by what someone else tells them and you, as their child, will decide if it's good or not by how much it annoys you and this is something that annoys you, so it's a problem, but one that's easily solved!

When times like these come around and you find yourself wishing your parents would put a sock in it and go find a hobby other than you for five minutes, you have to go back into the fictional Handbook of Childhood AKA The Rules of Being a Dependent and flip to the chapter that talks about what kids are just expected to deal with because they're kids.

In that chapter, highlighted, outlined, and embellished with glitter, is the part about parents and the fact that parents are like customers: As far as you're concerned, they're always right.

The chapter notes that this isn't actually true. Not everything your parents do because they think it's best is actually best, not everything they do that they think is helping you is actually helpful, and some of what they do to make you happy makes you miserable. That all goes back to the beginning of this post. Parents aren't perfect. Heck, some kids would do a better job of raising themselves given how off the mark their parents are.

Still, that chapter reminds you that your job as their child, as their dependent, is to appreciate the fact that they're trying to do what's best for you and to be mindful of the fact that they've placed a lot of pressure on themselves to get that right and society has placed a lot of pressure on them to get that right, and you, most of all, place a lot of pressure on them to get that right.

Maybe not now, but if you grow up to be one of the many, many, many... many adults who blame every problem they have in life on their upbringing, that might weigh on them. So even when they annoy the bloody $hit out of you, you have to be respectful and grateful for all they're trying to do for you because their intentions are good, they love you, and this is the way they know how.

Of course, the very last line on the very last page of the very last chapter of that fictional handbook states in teeny, tiny font to remember that all of those rules are subject to change once you're no longer a dependent. In short, she's taking care of you. Suck it up until she's not.

If you get angry, try to calm yourself by reminding yourself that she's annoying you because she loves you and if that doesn't work because this is real life and not a special on the Hallmark channel, do what everyone else does. B-tch to your friends about how lame parents are and how they don't understand like the rite of passage that it is because one day, you won't do that anymore. You'll be off b-tching about other things like your boss.

Or don't. Doesn't matter. I stopped caring after my first paragraph. Kind of on auto-pilot now. But good luck at university!
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:15 PM
 
213 posts, read 191,515 times
Reputation: 296
This guy/girl didn't post after his initial one in this thread. Useless.
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