U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-01-2014, 03:10 PM
 
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
8,302 posts, read 12,182,159 times
Reputation: 8048

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by julia51423 View Post
I'm 15. And what exactly is emotional intelligence? Is it something you think I am low in? Also, yes this behavior is common for people my age I guess, but I am the only one that is called stupid/an idiot/an airhead so it makes me think that i actually am one… which angers me. Why am I called this more then anyone else? Also, what do you mean that because I am able to express myself well in writing, that I just need to speak to a councilor? And if this helps.. yeah I basically can only express myself in writing, and I would never be able to explain myself and my feelings like that in person to anyone… thats another reason why i guess i come off as the "happy girl who is always smiling" … because I have no idea how to express deep feelings with other people in person.. its way too much pressure.
Your ability to express yourself in writing is well above that of most teenagers I've read. I'd say that your intelligence is actually higher than average.

Some very intelligent or creative people can't deal with complex social situations, and become awkward (nerdy if it's really bad). Their brains have a bad "filter" for focusing on one thing and weeding out irrelevant things. To me, this is like hearing a big buzz when I'm in a crowd, and not being able to concentrate on what someone is saying to me.

Stupid people can't accurately judge intelligence (for example, using the stereotype that blondes are dumb is.... well.... dumb). They mistake occasional clumsiness plus blondness for lack of intelligence ...... basically what I'm saying is that you are actually smarter than they are.

There may be a club at your school for something you enjoy doing, like writing or art. Join it to find new friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-01-2014, 07:17 PM
 
483 posts, read 532,537 times
Reputation: 586
Sounds like you need new friends-and possibly a diagnosis. I would avoid these emotional parasites and try to find a new crowd. And def. see a psychiatrist about some common conditions that cause social awkwardness and clumsiness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2014, 08:20 PM
 
18 posts, read 118,135 times
Reputation: 32
Hmm.... Maybe I could join a community theatre.. But idk, it's a thought. also thanks again for the advice... It's a lot to take in I guess, but this has been very helpful To the person who was saying that in large crowds everything seems like a buzz and you can't focus in on certain things... Because my mind tries to grasp everything that is happening in the room at once.

And to the person who said that I shouldn't play up on the "dumb blonde" label just to get attention, yes I completely agree. I will admit, in the past I used to purposely say dumb or stupid things to get attention, even though I knew I was hurting myself and it was negative attention, because it would make all of these so called "friends" laugh at me and it made me think I was funny. Also, since they called me stupid already, I figured I better just act stupid for them since that's what they "like" about me and that's what they wanted. For a while, I thought I was too bland of a person and my regular personality wasn't enough, so I would act stupid to get attention and laughs. I realized now that this was a TERRIBLE thing to do and have been breaking out of this habit, and trust me, I rarely do this anymore. The problem is that I don't act dumb for attention at all anymore (even though I didn't even do it that much in the past), and I still have this label and am treated like crap by basically all of my friends and some of my acquaintances.

Last edited by julia51423; 05-01-2014 at 09:12 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2014, 09:17 PM
 
18 posts, read 118,135 times
Reputation: 32
And by the way I'm not even BLONDE at all, adding to my frustration. -_-
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2014, 11:26 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,183,414 times
Reputation: 2772
Quote:
Originally Posted by julia51423 View Post
Okay but 1. What if when I get rid of these friends, I am alone and I can't find any new ones? Or, what if I get new friends, yet they still treat me this way…. and 2. What if I try to change myself, but I can't? I just feel like I want to be able to accept who I am, but I never can and always end up hating myself because no one accepts my personality. I know people can improve their personality… but I feel like I must just have a terrible one and everyone's personality is better then mine.
First of all, they're not friends if they're putting you down, even after you've told them to stop it. They sound like miserable people who know your insecurities and use them against you. Crappy people.

What you have to do is get very FIRM in your communication with them. They keep doing it to you because you're not giving them CONSEQUENCES for their bad behavior. The next time they call you stupid, say "I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME STUPID. STOP IT NOW". Be firm and unwavering. Get mad. Get in their face. But STICK TO YOUR GUNS on this approach, because if they see you falter or back down, it won't work.

And, feel free to pick on THEM. Point out THEIR flaws. Be an *ss. Give it right back to them. Because I guarantee you, those who dish it out like that CANNOT take it at all. They fall right apart when you attack them back. They'll go off and sulk in the corner in a second.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-05-2014, 06:55 PM
 
18 posts, read 118,135 times
Reputation: 32
Okay so over the past few days, I have noticed there is one friend in my friendship group that is kind of the ring leader of the whole thing. Let's call her C. So basically, yes I make careless mistakes, sometimes I say things that don't make sense or do the wrong things, am overly gullible, or am not paying attention. Ya know, whatever, everyone does those things, right? Maybe I just do them more often but I don't see that as a terrible thing. I also have a lot of trouble in conversation and I think at times I come off as weird or not understandable because I get nervous of being judged, and then I get even more nervous and try to cover it up by making a joke or laughing at myself.

So OBVIOUSLY everyone has faults, but friends are supposed to accept your faults, right? Okay, so it used to be that "some" of my friends just joke around with me and call me dumb when I do something stupid, but they are still joking around and you can tell they aren't serious. (I mean it would be weird if friends didn't bust on each other's chops every once in a while for doing something stupid).

The problem starts when my friends, particularly C, actually treats me like less of a person and more like a dog or something bc I'm "stupid" or something. For example, these are some of the things she says to belittle me, by the way, when I'm not even doing anything at all:

"Yeahhh.... Julia's not all that bright so don't expect her to understand that." *I look at her annoyed* "What you know it's true?!"

*watching a movie* "Hey Julia, what's going on in the movie? Ha! You probably don't even know what's happening."

Oh, okay, so pretend C is joking around and is acting like an idiot, and she's doing it to be funny. Then when I join in, she says "oh my god Julia just stop ur so stupid/such an idiot." EVEN THOUGH she was just acting like an "idiot"....

*to huge group of people* Sometimes I'm convinced that Julia is actually a natural blonde. *everyone laughs, except me*

"Just stop talking, you airhead."

So yeah, MOST of the comments are from her. But now... The comments aren't only from C.. They are from everyone. It's like everyone agrees with her and now say all those nasty stupid jokes to me bc suddenly it's okay since one person was rude to me. Honestly though, I don't even know if she started it... Maybe everyone just started making fun of me at once.. But it's too far back to remember, and either way she pisses me off the most but this past year all of my friends have been treating me like dirt and pissing me off anyway. :/
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-05-2014, 07:09 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,183,414 times
Reputation: 2772
Quote:
Originally Posted by julia51423 View Post
Okay so over the past few days, I have noticed there is one friend in my friendship group that is kind of the ring leader of the whole thing. Let's call her C. So basically, yes I make careless mistakes, sometimes I say things that don't make sense or do the wrong things, am overly gullible, or am not paying attention. Ya know, whatever, everyone does those things, right? Maybe I just do them more often but I don't see that as a terrible thing. I also have a lot of trouble in conversation and I think at times I come off as weird or not understandable because I get nervous of being judged, and then I get even more nervous and try to cover it up by making a joke or laughing at myself.

So OBVIOUSLY everyone has faults, but friends are supposed to accept your faults, right? Okay, so it used to be that "some" of my friends just joke around with me and call me dumb when I do something stupid, but they are still joking around and you can tell they aren't serious. (I mean it would be weird if friends didn't bust on each other's chops every once in a while for doing something stupid).

The problem starts when my friends, particularly C, actually treats me like less of a person and more like a dog or something bc I'm "stupid" or something. For example, these are some of the things she says to belittle me, by the way, when I'm not even doing anything at all:

"Yeahhh.... Julia's not all that bright so don't expect her to understand that." *I look at her annoyed* "What you know it's true?!"

*watching a movie* "Hey Julia, what's going on in the movie? Ha! You probably don't even know what's happening."

Oh, okay, so pretend C is joking around and is acting like an idiot, and she's doing it to be funny. Then when I join in, she says "oh my god Julia just stop ur so stupid/such an idiot." EVEN THOUGH she was just acting like an "idiot"....

*to huge group of people* Sometimes I'm convinced that Julia is actually a natural blonde. *everyone laughs, except me*

"Just stop talking, you airhead."

So yeah, MOST of the comments are from her. But now... The comments aren't only from C.. They are from everyone. It's like everyone agrees with her and now say all those nasty stupid jokes to me bc suddenly it's okay since one person was rude to me. Honestly though, I don't even know if she started it... Maybe everyone just started making fun of me at once.. But it's too far back to remember, and either way she pisses me off the most but this past year all of my friends have been treating me like dirt and pissing me off anyway. :/
C is an insecure bully and she's jealous of you, so she is trying to humiliate you and ruin your reputation so that you don't outshine her. She WANTS you to feel bad about yourself and she's determined to make it happen. She hates herself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-05-2014, 07:19 PM
 
18 posts, read 118,135 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post
C is an insecure bully and she's jealous of you, so she is trying to humiliate you and ruin your reputation so that you don't outshine her. She WANTS you to feel bad about yourself and she's determined to make it happen. She hates herself.
Well, I know she is extremely insecure. First of all, she is really heavy... Maybe even considered obese, and she's tried to commit suicide. So yeah, she has a **** load of issues.. But how do you know she's jealous of ME..? What if she's not taking her insecurities out on me and genuinely thinks I'm stupid...?? R u sure it's because she's jealous of me?

Oh also, I forgot to add, the other thing that bothers me is that when I confront C or yell at her and tell her to stop treating me like an idiot, she's all like "What?! I don't treat you like an idiot!" And then when I tell her she clearly does, she's all like "Julia, come on, you KNOW I love you!" And then she smiles at me, and that honestly just makes me want to punch her in the face more. *sorry if I seem harsh* But it's like she uses the fact that she "loves me" as an all time excuse to call me those names. It's kind of like manipulating me in a way.

C is the one that uses that terrible excuse the most to make fun of me, but I'm pretty sure most of my other friends have used that "come on we love you" excuse before after making fun of me too. And at times I don't know how to react... R they just saying that? I mean they obviously don't mean it right?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-05-2014, 07:52 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,183,414 times
Reputation: 2772
Quote:
Originally Posted by julia51423 View Post
Well, I know she is extremely insecure. First of all, she is really heavy... Maybe even considered obese, and she's tried to commit suicide. So yeah, she has a **** load of issues.. But how do you know she's jealous of ME..? What if she's not taking her insecurities out on me and genuinely thinks I'm stupid...?? R u sure it's because she's jealous of me?

Oh also, I forgot to add, the other thing that bothers me is that when I confront C or yell at her and tell her to stop treating me like an idiot, she's all like "What?! I don't treat you like an idiot!" And then when I tell her she clearly does, she's all like "Julia, come on, you KNOW I love you!" And then she smiles at me, and that honestly just makes me want to punch her in the face more. *sorry if I seem harsh* But it's like she uses the fact that she "loves me" as an all time excuse to call me those names. It's kind of like manipulating me in a way.

C is the one that uses that terrible excuse the most to make fun of me, but I'm pretty sure most of my other friends have used that "come on we love you" excuse before after making fun of me too. And at times I don't know how to react... R they just saying that? I mean they obviously don't mean it right?
I explained in my previous post how to handle this. You have to put your foot down and say STOP. A TRUE friend, someone who ACTUALLY LOVES YOU, will STOP hurting your feelings if they know that's what they're doing.

And yes, she is jealous of you because she wouldn't be going out of her way to attack you if she wasn't jealous. Clearly she's a miserable soul. She wouldn't waste her time attacking someone who didn't have something she wished she had. She's jealous of you for something, probably because you're a good person, and she's out to destroy you. Why? Because in her twisted, selfish way, it makes her feel better about herself.

She may also feel justified in bullying you because she sees herself as getting "the short end of the stick" in life, and sees you as more privileged in some way, and therefore thinks she has the right to "knock you down". She's mental. I would get away from her completely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2014, 01:09 AM
 
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
8,302 posts, read 12,182,159 times
Reputation: 8048
Interestingly enough, there is a true cultural divide between parts of the Northeast such as NY and NJ, and the rest of the country, in one way. It's considered to be funny, or "busting chops" to insult friends and acquaintances (which may have something to do with the stereotype of New Yawkas as being very rude).

That's not true here on the west coast, where insults are simply rude and ..... well ..... insulting.

Try going to a different part of the country when you go to college. You might be pleasantly surprised. In the meantime, simply walk away when you see C.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top