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Old 05-06-2014, 04:15 PM
13,126 posts, read 20,665,114 times
Reputation: 35288


Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Mattie, that is fair, however, also consider this, there are some people who write in forums, that are handicaped, or have debilitating diseases....for instance, they're brains, know what they want to say, but it doesn't always come out that way...and honestly, we don't know who is who, on here, and it is quit snobish of some to go into a thread, and then take the time to post something negative? Why, why generate all that energy to leave negative energy and perhaps hurt someone's feelings? I don't get people and how cruel they can be without any concern or care for someone else's feelings....?

I'm sorry Mattie, but it just doesn't make any sense....and there are many people in here who are handicapped.
Why should assuming a disability be the default? How about people who are looking for responses, and don't get them because people will not bother with a poorly worded, or poorly punctuated post?

You are trying to speak for everybody who has ever had a thread die because of a lousy OP. I don't know what makes you think you can speak for them. I have seen new posters apologize because they weren't aware of how difficult it is to read a wordy block of text.

I think you are the one overstepping here cremebrulee.
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Old 05-07-2014, 04:39 AM
26,309 posts, read 24,366,354 times
Reputation: 15985
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
I don't know why I'm even bothering but...

People read threads on CD because...that's why CD is here. I get your theoretical point about not responding, but don't read a thread? Why not if it's of interest to you?

Let's put aside whether your thread you're referring to was poorly written or full of grammar errors or whatever, I agree that these points can be needlessly over criticized.

What you don't seem to get is that what you perceive as deliberately negative, rude, bullying comments simply may not be so, just because you think they are. People disagreeing with you, even vociferously, is not necessarily 'bashing.'

IMHO, you wrote a massive treatise of interpersonal drama among a handful of women "friends" where my response (and a few others) was really to convey that it (the situation, not your writing) seemed like a bunch of overwhelming, petty drama and, yes, exhausting. Not you, but the situation you painstakingly detailed in he-said, she-said fashion and asked for input on.

"Exhausting" was an direct, legitimate response, not bullying, not a hater. If you think the group dynamics you detailed in your post were minor and/or somehow high-brow, you nevertheless provided several paragraphs suggesting strongly that they are not. A handful of people commented as such. Not comforting to you perhaps, but maybe they should be looked at again if you really want a more objective view of your group of friends and the problems you're all having. Instead I get the impression you wanted to just vent and hear people 99% empathetic to your point of view.

First off, as I said before, the thread I'm referring to, is NOT mine, and, I'm not going to say this again...

Yesterday I went into a thread and yes, there was a snarky mean comment, and someone made the comment, "I'm exhausted reading this", it was someone else's thread, and I looked up and saw that the poster of the thread was a newer member here at the forum. I suggest, it would be wise, not to assume.

and btw, honestly, this is not something new, I participated in a thread a few weeks back that went on for quit a while about the same type of thing. You see it all the time....

and I'm perfectly aware of perception...especially reading things that may be rude, or not. I do get that....

also, this is a good time to bring up what another poster said about me labeling all young women, I am not, but, there is a good amount of young women who are mean, snarky and rude, who come into threads with both barrels blazing...and even the men in this forum have made comments as such. Young women today, not all, but a lot of them, are very angry young ladies and it shows. However, to counter that statement, (for those of you who also assume I'm generalizing) there are also, a whole lot of young women in this forum, who are wonderful gals, brilliant mothers and wives, who a lot of others enjoy reading and corresponding with.

what I wrote, in that other thread I started, has nothing to do with "this thread", you can assume anything you like why I posted it. Why does anyone post threads?

I don't care who is empathetic to my point of view and who is not...period. If you want to discuss the other thread then I suggest you go in there and leave a post.

You talk about perceptions....same, right backatcha.
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Old 05-07-2014, 05:05 AM
26,309 posts, read 24,366,354 times
Reputation: 15985
ShellNic OP, I realize that you think you're not doing anything hateful...but seriously, that's NOT how it's coming across. You have insulted several groups and make blanket statements.
Hello Shellnic, well, then, I apologize, if you believe this is something hateful or directed at all women, it is not, but it is directed at all men and women who go into threads and are mean and cruel to others. As I said before, that is why I started this thread, asking people if they would just be careful with their words, because to a new poster it comes off mean-spirited, and scares them and/or chases them away.

Things HAVE changed over the years, but I don't think the way people post is really all that different. I know some of the posters you refer to...they seem like smart, to the point posters...sometimes, comments can "seem" hurtful, or curt, or rude. But just as you don't think you're being rude, maybe those other posters think the same thing. You can't possibly know everyone's intent and demeanor based on a few words...oh sure, there are the blatant posts...but still, you're making a very large leap.
You are absolutely right, things have changed, over the years, and what I stated is, over the years, I've seen more and more angry posts...where people actually call others names, or call them out saying they are stupid and other things....then when they don't have anything else to argue their point with, they start picking apart that person's spelling, grammer, etc. You know, the grammer police....which some of us are not all that good at...

I do want to comment about your particular sentence of "grown women with children" who pick on others...maybe someone can help me here as I'm not sure how to spell out my irritation with this comment. There are people in this world who do seek out to irritate others...gives them some sort of pleasure. I personally know a few of these types. I will give you that some of these folks may post here...but again, you make big assumptions and think they're picking on people when, in fact, they're just stating an opinion.
and yes, there are some grown women with children in forums that are nasty and mean spirited! Why do you take offense....I've seen some pretty ugly things being said to others by some women, who claim to be perfect mothers and wives....and it is frightening, b/c their children will grow up as angry as they are...did I say You? No, I didn't....I've actually not seen you before this post...I'm allowed to call that out, and comment on it, be it you agree or not. That didn't mean every woman on the face of this earth is like that and I believe you understand that.

I get the feeling that if you hear ANY feedback that doesn't agree with your opinion, you take that negatively. And you might be older...but seriously, what does that have to do with ANYTHING? Some older people NEVER get a clue...that's really not a "badge of honor" or anything...respect is earned. And btw, having good grammar and being able to express yourself with the written word as well as speaking, is a positive thing...to blatantly not want to and tell everyone else to get over it shows immaturity...something you'd think an older person would understand.
well, that is your opinion and you by all means, you have every right to it....but I will say this...I've gotten quite a few reps from this thread, from people who do actually fear coming in here to state the obvious, who do not want to contend with or bother to voice their opinons, for fear of getting jumped on.

I don't care if you agree or disagree with me, that is what these forums are for, to discuss, and share opinions, to learn, and at the end of the day, let me tell you, I will try to be more aware of my grammer, punctuation and paragraphs, so, I've learned something.

Bottom line and purpose for opening this thread is, this....and I'll say it again....

I believe we can all state that writing in forums can be not only rewarding but extremely informative.

When someone writes down words, they are expressing their inner most feelings and beliefs, there are always going to be people who take insult to certain posts, but to, there are always going to be people who take insult to what others believe in, we're never ever going to all agree on any topic. We can't...that is our very own personal culture, what we were all raised by our parents to believe.

All, I'm asking is to think first before writing something unkind. While I can certainly sympathize with what you have said, in my opinion, it would be so much more comfortable for that new OP, if we would all just stick to the issue at hand, and give that person a helping hand, or, simply ignore the post and move on if it makes you tired or gives you a headache instead of disrupting the entire thread with those un-neccessary kind of comments. It not only scares the newer poster, but it is disruptive and extremely childish.

I don't care if you agree with this or not, what I do care about, is chasing basically new posters away with comments like that...those who would like to participate. Why, b/c I remember being a new poster, and how if really frightened me.

What I'm saying is, it takes no effort at all to be mean spirited, and a whole lot more patience, kindness and guidence to be just a tad nicer.

I don't know, OP...I agreed with your "don't be rude" comments, but then you negated all of that with your generalities and faulty statements. Sorry.
Please, don't be sorry, you stated your opinon, and from that I can learn, we can all learn. I think most of us walk away from these posts and think about what someone else has written, we may not always be right, however, I can honestly understand and see why you feel the way you do, as I'm not the best writer and it is so hard for me, to get my point across on paper...actually, I envy those who can....and wish I could, but unfortunately, it is not my best suit. Thank you for your post.

Last edited by cremebrulee; 05-07-2014 at 05:18 AM..
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Old 05-07-2014, 05:36 AM
19,081 posts, read 21,810,967 times
Reputation: 13432
Will you link this thread with the new OP and women with children stating they're exhausted? I did a search and didn't find anything.

Ok, I found the thread. It's this and the OP is not new (has >900 posts), the comment was made by a MAN, and I don't get the sense that he's young. So, I don't understand why you are charging women with children in this thread or why you are charging the younger generation.

Should I confront her?

ETA- I just did some investigating. The MAN who made the statement served in the military under president Carter. That was the late 70s. That makes him, at a minimum, 55 years old. He is likely between 55 and 65 years old. Talk about sticking your foot in your mouth. He's your age. Are you capable of understanding that's it's you making assumptions, being rude, and attacking? Given that the OP joined in 10/13, why are you calling him new? Honestly, from where I sit, it looks like you are creating drama and just making it up as you go along.

Last edited by Braunwyn; 05-07-2014 at 05:58 AM..
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Old 05-07-2014, 06:02 AM
26,309 posts, read 24,366,354 times
Reputation: 15985
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
I agree with the posters (several of them) who said that when a poster isn't making herself clear, because of long rambling text with no paragraphs or punctuation, or because of lots of disorganization in the way the posted, or because of lots of extraneous info, or because of grammar problems, I believe that it's "necessary" to point those things out.

No it's not "necessary" in the sense that I'm compelled to do it, or that I see myself as some kind of communication-skills-superhero. But "necessary" in that I'm seeing a person trying to communicate with fellow human beings, and I'm seeing a big obstacle that's getting in the way that they might not see, and I want to point that obstacle out. If it helps it helps. If not, at least I tried.

Some here think that this is mean or cruel or hate-based or snarky. But for the most part it's not. Most of us who do this are truly trying to be helpful. "Hey, if you broke your post up into paragraphs, people might have an easier time understanding you." or "Hey, you added in all that stuff about XYZ, and all it did was make your post unnecessarily long. If you take that stuff out, you'll likely get more responses." I give that kind of advice all the time.

Some don't like it. Some call me mean. But I believe that the person invites this kind of response simply by posting, especially by posting in a way that's interfering with their message, and with their likelihood of getting relevant responses. I might say things in a snarky way, but I'm not attacking the person, just their delivery.

I say this all the time: You might have the most profound message in the world, but if it's in a crappy box, no one's gonna care.

Some grammar stuff I can overlook, but when it really interferes with the poster's communication, I point it out. I want them to know that their message is getting lost in or covered by a bunch of nonsense. Hopefully they'll learn from it.
Tracy Sam, I've read your for quit a while and I don't think your mean or rude in any way, as I suggested before, yes, it's the way some people come across, there is a big difference.

There are ways to be helpful....I just feel, and as it seems here, maybe I'm wrong, but when someone is pouring their heart out and asking for opinons, just don't believe it's the time to evaluate their grammar or punctuation? I've seen this happen a lot....someone comes into a thread with nothing to offer other then, "you might want to learn how to spell" or they may post, any other kind of insult...which at the time, is perceived as such....and yes indeed, there is a great big difference. Thank you....
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Old 05-07-2014, 06:58 AM
261 posts, read 330,672 times
Reputation: 472
I'm 59 and I don't mind the long posts as long as:

1. The post is well written with periods or question marks at the end of sentences and commas inserted in proper places,

2. The post has paragraphs including a space between paragraphs.

3. The post is interesting and comprehendable.

A long post with no paragraphs is extremely difficult and tiresome to read and I will skip over it in a heartbeat.
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Old 05-07-2014, 08:30 AM
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,407,305 times
Reputation: 39030
So the OP thinks no one should be critical... and then is critical of everyone who he/she perceives to be critical.
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Old 05-07-2014, 08:37 AM
5,574 posts, read 5,798,299 times
Reputation: 16488
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
So the OP thinks no one should be critical... and then is critical of everyone who he/she perceives to be critical.
Pretty much.
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Old 05-07-2014, 09:10 AM
26,309 posts, read 24,366,354 times
Reputation: 15985
Originally Posted by apexgds View Post
Pretty much.
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Old 05-07-2014, 09:15 AM
6,040 posts, read 4,396,259 times
Reputation: 16753
Here's a couple things I've learned about people who typically make long rambling posts:

1) They've already made their mind up, and only really want people to agree with them.
2) They probably are like that in real life, venting and over-analyzing with their friends and expecting mainly "uh-huhs and yeah, you're rights."
3) They somewhat assume that because they've been ruminating on something so deeply for so long that others will instantly understand the situation in perfect context
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