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Old 05-06-2014, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,730 posts, read 21,610,835 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How could anyone answer such a hypothetical? Men who can't imagine having an unplanned child and abandoning him/her also don't know what they will think and feel after they do.
Probably the same way they tell us exactly how marriage and divorce work when they have never been married/divorced or even in a relationship.

True one doesn't really know how they will react to a situation but people can speculate how they would.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:34 AM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,986,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Probably the same way they tell us exactly how marriage and divorce work when they have never been married/divorced or even in a relationship.

True one doesn't really know how they will react to a situation but people can speculate how they would.

Same mentality as people that say (both men and women), just have an abortion if you get pregnant. No one knows how that will emotionally affect them until it happens.
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:05 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,676,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How could anyone answer such a hypothetical? Men who can't imagine having an unplanned child and abandoning him/her also don't know what they will think and feel after they do.

Why don't you ask someone who is actually going through it, like your brother?
There ya go.

Everyone's story and circumstances are different.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-06-2014 at 08:42 AM.. Reason: Fixed a glitch in the quote.
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,260 posts, read 9,525,748 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebug11768 View Post
I have a question for the men of the forum:

Suppose you got a woman pregnant and told her that you wanted no part of her or the baby. She moves away, has the baby, and you have no contact with either of them. Would you be curious about the child as the years go by or would you be indifferent to the child's existence? Do you think your feelings would change as you got older? Would you have any regrets?

BTW - I am not pregnant and my dad is very close to me. I am asking because my brother got a woman pregnant several years back and has no contact with the child whatsoever. The child is completely irrelevant in his life. I am just wondering what men's thought processes are in these situations.
What kind of lowlife abondons his children? I would never tell a young child, my own flesh and blood, that I want nothing to do with them.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:00 AM
 
6,178 posts, read 4,962,998 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
I cannot imagine not being curious about the child in those circumstances. But I know plenty of men aren't.

As someone who has worked in family law, I can offer one small insight into this issue. What I have noticed about men who disregard their children in this way is that they are invariably men who make no distinction between their relationship with their children and their relationship with the mothers of those children. It is as if they have no relationship with the children except through the mothers. To them, the man/woman relationship is everything, and the father/child relationship is merely an extension of that man/woman relationship. While these men are getting along with the mothers, they are often loving, attentive fathers. But if their relationship with the mothers ends, their relationship with their children also ends.
You describe my niece's ex-husband. He had a child when he was in high school - I believe. Signed those rights away and I don't think he has ever looked back. This should have been a big clue to niece. They are now divorced and he won't pay child support and ignores his teen-age daughter. Puts his new women before her. He was probably not a good father candidate to begin with.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:12 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,587,988 times
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I cannot fathom that mindset. You help create a life, then you are responsible for it.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:48 AM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,672,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Probably the same way they tell us exactly how marriage and divorce work when they have never been married/divorced or even in a relationship.

True one doesn't really know how they will react to a situation but people can speculate how they would.
Or the childless people who know all about how other people are parenting their children wrong.
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Old 05-06-2014, 11:05 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,587,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How could anyone answer such a hypothetical? Men who can't imagine having an unplanned child and abandoning him/her also don't know what they will think and feel after they do.

Why don't you ask someone who is actually going through it, like your brother?
Because this is one of those situations where we're not dealing with gray areas. This is pretty much a straight-up absolute of right and wrong.

If you have a child with someone, then you are 50% responsible, whether you're married or just had a one-night stand. If you decided to shuck your clothes and climb into bed with someone and do the humpalumpadingdong then the resulting pregnancy is not an accident, it is merely coming up on the wrong side of the odds.

After all, anyone with an IQ higher than a rhesus monkey knows that if you have sex with a woman of childbearing age, you have a chance of pregnancy -- no matter how minuscule that chance might be. The pill might not work. Condoms break. Even vasectomies and tubal ligations have failed.

So now we have the resulting child. It is a reality that will not go away. Regardless of the circumstances of his or her birth, that child deserves to at least be acknowledged by both parents. To do anything else is to be less of a mature human being and more of a child who refuses to take care of his own messes around the house. And, in this case, he's actually neglecting a child. I have seen the result of guys described in the OP and it's pretty ugly. And unconscionable.
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Old 05-06-2014, 11:16 AM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,367,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
No child is "illegitimate".
Agree! The relationship and the father are illegitimate. Your brother has given up his right to parent and have any influence on the child.

Chances are, the child will eventually seek your brother out. He should consider how he will react when that day happens.

Maturity will impact how he faces this. He may have some regrets. Only time will tell.
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:08 PM
 
Location: USA
19,642 posts, read 14,610,677 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Your brother is an *******. Don't date men like him.
Unfortunately men like this date too often
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