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View Poll Results: How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?
I'm under 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 51 15.94%
I'm under 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 50 15.63%
I'm under 40...drop on by anytime. 12 3.75%
I'm over 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 109 34.06%
I'm over 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 62 19.38%
I'm over 40...drop on by anytime. 36 11.25%
Voters: 320. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-14-2014, 03:30 PM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,418,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
That doesn't make any sense to me. What do you say, "Are you home? I'm coming over"? Calling/texting someone and asking "hey, I'm in your neck of the woods this afternoon, is it okay if I stop by?" is the polite thing to do.
I dont have texting so thats out. If i call you and say "Hey are you home?" then its your chance to say "yes but im busy right now", "yes, come on over", or "No, i stepped out for a bit".

Your polite and my polite are two different things.
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Old 05-14-2014, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,288 posts, read 53,954,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
If a 74 year old came to my door out of a need to be with someone (friendship-wise) id open my home and do what i was raised to do: respect my elders. I'll be a friend to this person because later on in my 70s when i need a friend the kindness will (hopefully) be returned.

As for how to get someone to leave you respectfully say (as youre gently walking them to the door) "Well I hate to run you off but ive got a lot of work to do"
That's really sweet. Give me your address so next time she wants to intrude on someone, I can send her to you!

By the way, she did end up dropping in that night because there was a thunderstorm and her grandson's game was called. She stayed for 45 minutes and the only reason she left so fast was because I told her I was out of wine. She said she'd just bought two boxes that she had at home. So now I know that works.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 05-14-2014 at 04:14 PM..
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:06 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,035,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
I dont think that its a case of deciding that someone is "all that" but rather imo a person seems to be more welcoming and/or hospitable if they allow visitors at any time. A house that is open is "warm" which is what id like my home to be.

I guess im just a believer in the "southern hospitality" thing.
Yes, exactly. You or someone mentioned the grandmother who was not only okay with drop-ins but would even feed them if they were hungry. THAT is what I'm talking about.

I know "grandma" was probably all alone at that point, but I also remember people being that way who had families and such. "We were just about to eat, care to join us?" was a common utterance you were greeted with. It was just a wonderful community to be a part of. No I am not saying I have a right to DEMAND free food, that's just the thing--anymore that's what people think you are suggesting. No, no, no. It's just that I've experienced that sort of warmth--and I give it in return by the way if the chance materializes--and I know it to be a better type of community than an appointment-based system.

It isn't about people being able to impose on others, it's about having a community of warmth. No one has the right to DEMAND that of a person, but one can certainly observe that the attitudes behind many of those demands often-times are definitely on the self-centered side of things a lot of times at the heart of it.
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:18 PM
 
1,451 posts, read 1,571,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
Yes, exactly. You or someone mentioned the grandmother who was not only okay with drop-ins but would even feed them if they were hungry. THAT is what I'm talking about.


It isn't about people being able to impose on others, it's about having a community of warmth. No one has the right to DEMAND that of a person, but one can certainly observe that the attitudes behind many of those demands often-times are definitely on the self-centered side of things a lot of times at the heart of it.
But dropping in CAN certainly be about imposing on others, if you(the person dropping in) aren't satisfied with a no, or someone telling you that dropping in isn't always convenient for others.

When my in laws would drop in it was essentially saying "Whatever you may have planned for the next couple hours, you can kiss that goodbye". That is imposing...community of warmth or not.

My husband and I both work, have always worked and have kids. We also at times have had schedules that are sort of wacky as far as work/sleep hours. Many times people having knowingly dropped in at times that have been very inconvenient especially related to the sleep hours, knowing full well that the person should probably be getting to bed instead of entertaining a visitor.
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:39 PM
 
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Yes, it can be imposing but it is NOT 100% of the time. And if someone is imposing or wearing out their welcome then as they say around here one should have the testicular fortitude to tell them they need to leave.
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:44 PM
 
1,451 posts, read 1,571,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Yes, it can be imposing but it is NOT 100% of the time. And if someone is imposing or wearing out their welcome then as they say around here one should have the testicular fortitude to tell them they need to leave.
Well and those who perpetually drop in should also have the same testicular fortitude to smile and say "Okay" when someone tells them...hey it works out better for us when you call first.
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:51 PM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,418,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larkspur123 View Post
Well and those who perpetually drop in should also have the same testicular fortitude to smile and say "Okay" when someone tells them...hey it works out better for us when you call first.
I can respect that.
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Old 05-14-2014, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,367 posts, read 52,257,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
I dont think that its a case of deciding that someone is "all that" but rather imo a person seems to be more welcoming and/or hospitable if they allow visitors at any time. A house that is open is "warm" which is what id like my home to be.

I guess im just a believer in the "southern hospitality" thing.
Even Miss Manners says guests should give notice.
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Old 05-14-2014, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,367 posts, read 52,257,463 times
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Shy and python are also now just making up reasons/motivations of the other posters here.
Ego? Hostility? Seriously?
I do not think that is at all what the problem is.

Imagine I lived on an estate with a half-mile driveway.
My friend drops by. The gate guard rings to let me know Joe is here.
I now have 5 minutes or so to prepare to receive Joe bc he has to come up the driveway.

How is that any different than Joe giving me 5 minutes' heads up via text?
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Old 05-14-2014, 10:06 PM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,418,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Shy and python are also now just making up reasons/motivations of the other posters here.
Ego? Hostility? Seriously?
I do not think that is at all what the problem is.

Imagine I lived on an estate with a half-mile driveway.
My friend drops by. The gate guard rings to let me know Joe is here.
I now have 5 minutes or so to prepare to receive Joe bc he has to come up the driveway.

How is that any different than Joe giving me 5 minutes' heads up via text?
Okay and if you were me youd be sitting there doing nothing other than wandering around the house maybe playing with the dog or trying to figure out what dvd to put in. So it wouldnt take 5 seconds to get receive anyone.

I dont see how or why you think im making up stuff. I never said i wont call i said id prefer to not have to and that my friends/family do not have to when they visit me. I will call if its requested but i wont just do it by default every single time. The way i read some peoples posts if i said drop in any time theyd still call which would infuriate me.
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