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View Poll Results: How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?
I'm under 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 51 15.94%
I'm under 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 50 15.63%
I'm under 40...drop on by anytime. 12 3.75%
I'm over 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 109 34.06%
I'm over 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 62 19.38%
I'm over 40...drop on by anytime. 36 11.25%
Voters: 320. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-15-2014, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,710,219 times
Reputation: 70869

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Quote:
Originally Posted by StressedOutNYer View Post
. IMHO people who like or dislike drop-in visitors have probably always felt that way to some degree, barring any drastic change in circumstances.
Nah. When I lived in a dorm and then an apartment in college, I loved that it meant people could just wander by or wander in. It was fun and nice.
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Old 05-15-2014, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 11,176,832 times
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India as a whole is known for its hospitality in many places (provided you don't make racist statements). Moreover, Tanjore district, Tamil Nadu where Grandpa grew up is well reputed for it as well. When I stayed over there, neighbors regularly spoke with us. I love our new house in CNJ (Very spacious and comfy ), but am really missing the hospitality element.

I am moving into college apartments this August for grad school. We will see how that goes.
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Old 05-15-2014, 09:20 AM
 
1,451 posts, read 1,583,662 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StressedOutNYer View Post
Someone mentioned the concept of "southern hospitality" earlier and it does make me wonder how much attitudes toward drop-ins are influenced by the part of the country (or the country itself, if not the USA) in which they and/or their parents grew up.

My original ancestry is British and my USA-based forebears were all from New England. Both cultures have a strong tendency toward personal privacy and keeping to oneself. The concept of southern hospitality is equally balanced by the well-known "New England reserve". When you add to that the fact that someone's personality may be inherantly introvert rather than extrovert, it should be perfectly understandable that they don't like visitors in general and especially the drop-in variety, even if other factors such as their own schedule/lifestyle don't influence it as well.

I honestly don't think that age is that much of a factor though, other than the tendency to become less likely to suffer fools gladly as we get older, LOL. IMHO people who like or dislike drop-in visitors have probably always felt that way to some degree, barring any drastic change in circumstances.
I am an introvert. I can't say I have always disliked drop in visitors. When I was single and had more time on my hands I viewed them differently.

With one case of the drop in visitors what frustrated me more is that the other party won't really acknowledge our needs without having hurt feelings.
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Old 05-15-2014, 09:25 AM
 
26,364 posts, read 24,533,991 times
Reputation: 16032
Lets not go to the lengths of labeling peple who do or do not care for people visiting with or without a call. That is ludacrist....

It is in fact personal prefrence and has nothing to do with any part of the country....
It does in fact, have to do with the way you were raised....to believe which is personal culture.

I cannot believe there are people in this thread downing others for wanting to be called first before visitors come. That also shows that more and more people are unaware of a much larger picture, "how your actions effect the lives of others" It amazes me, how some people are unaware of the fact that just b/c they think one way and others think another doesn't make either one right or wrong? And then to label people selfish b/c someone doesn't think or believe as you do is very foolish and lacks awareness.

There are no right or wrong answers to this question, basically what it is is personal prefrence.

I'm sure there are people all over the world who feel one way or another about this question.

As I said, when I was young, loved drop in visitors, but as I grew older, worked full time, had a family, and even to this day, I want a phone call before you come, basically, b/c I want to know how long your staying, if I have to cook, or take you to dinner, if your coming from a long way away, and when it will be convenient for both parties involved. Also, if I have company, I don't want others just stopping by, b/c I want to give my company undivided attention and carry thru with what ever plans we have made for their time here....and also, personal conversations that maybe no one else need hear. that is now my personal prefrence, for the time being, could change, and maybe it won't. Who knows, but it is not selfish or unthinking or narcissistic or racist to feel that way.

I am shocked beyond words that some people seem to think b/c you don't think and feel as they do, that there must be something wrong with those that don't and are incapable of being aware of anyone else's personal feelings about things...never mind culture and personal culture....?
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Old 05-15-2014, 09:34 AM
 
26,364 posts, read 24,533,991 times
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Quote:
Larkspur
With one case of the drop in visitors what frustrated me more is that the other party won't really acknowledge our needs without having hurt feelings.
I find that so sad, that there are people in this world unable to respect the feelings and personal culture of others, simply b/c someone else feels and thinks differently then them. It's time you educate them to this fact....and if they don't want to be friends any longer, then it is their loss, but to feel otherwise is unthinking....your not always going to agree with everyone else, and they have to understand your house rules, your life, your home.
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Old 05-15-2014, 10:44 AM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,459,720 times
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This world has become too PC. I personally do not require a call but if someone drops in and im going out the door then i'll apologize and tell them they can come back later. If theyre offended by that well then thats just too bad. I tell people they dont have to call but im also assuming that theyre mature enough to be able to handle having to turn around and leave. If they cant do that then they can call to find out.

Personally i wont call unless its requested. If i have to turn around and leave when i get there then thats fine. If my visit comes at an inopportune time then feel free to tell me that; i wont get all butt hurt about it. However this doesnt mean that way is for everyone and im not trying to get anyone to change their ways.
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Old 05-15-2014, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Long Island
8,743 posts, read 12,203,440 times
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Unless it's my parents, drop-in visitors are usually soliciting so I never open the door. If it's neighbors then of course I will open out of curiosity - they're not staying anyway. My parents know to call first, thankfully.
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Old 05-15-2014, 11:58 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,085,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T. Damon View Post
I have several friends and neighbors who drop by unannounced, all of them are welcome to do so and all of them are equally savvy enough to know that when a knock is unanswered (although, honestly, most just come through the gate to the garden where we are usually hanging out) or when we say we are just not up for visitors right now that's just fine with them and they leave and we get together another day......To each his own but honestly I think some of you are just a bit uptight and need to chill a bit. It's just a visit from people who like you.

I'm in my early 50s
That is how I feel, especially the bolded portion.

Again, I'm not so offended that someone else feels differently than me necessarily, and the ones that point out how the ubiquitous nature of cellular phones (meaning everyone has one) makes it so "no big deal" of a thing to do, I actually somewhat see their point. I myself have said that it's probably not worth losing a friend over in terms of someone like me who thinks drop-ins are fine trying to force my preferences on someone whom I otherwise agree with on so many other things. You're never going to find someone who's a clone of you.

However, I do think that those who are so adamant about demanding a call first and being so firm on how rude and what an awful imposition it is for someone to not call first, and how they will refuse to answer the door if the person didn't call first even when they know who it is--yes, as you said, I think it's kind of ridiculous at some point. Also just like you said--gee whiz, all you're talking about is people who like you wanting to, oh my goodness, actually visit with you for a bit. Oh the horror.

Especially when it is just a 10 minute visit or so, yes, lighten up. Yes it's your house and your rules, but at some point I think we can be too much of a stickler about these things.
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:27 PM
 
26,364 posts, read 24,533,991 times
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Quote:
shyguylh
However, I do think that those who are so adamant about demanding a call first and being so firm on how rude and what an awful imposition it is for someone to not call first, and how they will refuse to answer the door if the person didn't call first even when they know who it is--yes, as you said, I think it's kind of ridiculous at some point. Also just like you said--gee whiz, all you're talking about is people who like you wanting to, oh my goodness, actually visit with you for a bit. Oh the horror.

Especially when it is just a 10 minute visit or so, yes, lighten up. Yes it's your house and your rules, but at some point I think we can be too much of a stickler about these things.
Look, and this is what really irritates me.....

I don't care how you live your life, but your first paragraph proves that you are not able to look past your own feelings....who is the selfish one here.

I'm much older then you are and I said, when I was younger it didn't bother me, but I've changed now, I have MS, I need sleep, rest and down time....and I've been struggling for years to get people to stop calling and wanting to talk for hours, and to stop coming by on Sundays to give me some time to just lay around and rest. I'm divorced/single and live alone, therefore, I've grown selfish with my time, and I choose to work full time b/c I love working....

So, it isn't riciculous at all no matter what you think....this is me, my feelings and how I live my life and it is by all means not selfish and who in the world stops by for 10 minutes...that never happens dude.

when your 65 years old come back and tell me you still like it when people stop by unannounced. My son, my daughter in law, and grand daughter live far away, and when they come, I don't want company. When I have company visiting, I don't want anyone else coming around....I'm not a party chick any longer....sometimes people come by just to talk about personal things to unload or to vent that they wouldn't want anyone else to hear.....

so you chill, and be a little less aggressive at assuming everyone should think and feel like you do....and when you start paying my bills, you get to tell me to chill and that I'm wrong....for feeling the way I do.

Yes, indeed, my home, my rules....exactly! My sanctuary and safe place away from the rest of the world!!!

You young smart Alec whipper snapper....LOL (just kidding)

Oh and when I have dinner parties, everyone is invited.....

Seriously dude, think about it.
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Old 05-15-2014, 02:50 PM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,667,902 times
Reputation: 5376
We've had so many Jehovah Witnesses ring our door bell that we don't answer our door any more.
Leave a note and we'll give you a call back when we can.
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