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View Poll Results: How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?
I'm under 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 51 15.94%
I'm under 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 50 15.63%
I'm under 40...drop on by anytime. 12 3.75%
I'm over 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 109 34.06%
I'm over 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 62 19.38%
I'm over 40...drop on by anytime. 36 11.25%
Voters: 320. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-15-2014, 10:31 PM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,458,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
Friends visiting without a scheduled appointment=intruders.

You're right, it's not complicated (or very warm to me either).

Your house, your rules, naturally--still, give me the likes of pythonis any day.
Thanks.

What about those who say a call is requested but theyre ALWAYS busy and are always telling their friends they cant see them. Dont those friends eventually just give up and never speak to you again? I couldnt do that to people.
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Old 05-15-2014, 10:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,699,775 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
I make sweeping generalizations about the entire world I live in so why would this little thread be exempt?
I would hope your other generalizations stem from more relevant input.
But it is your life.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:42 AM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,458,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I would hope your other generalizations stem from more relevant input.
But it is your life.
Its impossible to know everything about everyone. Sometimes you just have to fill in the blanks yourself.
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Old 05-16-2014, 05:15 AM
 
26,364 posts, read 24,528,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Okay this is how i read the "argument" between you two:

One person is saying "Yes i showed up without calling first but what were you doing? Absolutely nothing, so it isnt like i interrupted something vitally important"

The other person is saying "Youre right I wasnt doing anything THIS TIME. However I would like for you to get into the habit of calling ahead of time from now on just in case".
No, what I'm arguing is the fact of being called names for not wanting people to stop by without calling first.

I really don't care how others think and feel, about this, whatever works for them is fine! That is the beauty of a free America, what really irritates me is when people have the inability to look past their own feelings and regard the feelings of others....calling them names b/c they think and feel differently about an issue....that isn't being selfish, it is in fact, how I chose to live my life.
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,077 posts, read 8,351,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
No, what I'm arguing is the fact of being called names for not wanting people to stop by without calling first.

I really don't care how others think and feel, about this, whatever works for them is fine! That is the beauty of a free America, what really irritates me is when people have the inability to look past their own feelings and regard the feelings of others....calling them names b/c they think and feel differently about an issue....that isn't being selfish, it is in fact, how I chose to live my life.
I guess this is just typical of CD posts, that someone with a minority view on an issue wants to call other people names for the feelings they're more than entitled to have.

Currently the poll has 84% of people requiring some type of notice, from an hour to a day. And it doesn't matter at all why they want that head's up. As with any relationship, it's best never to assume that the way you do things is the way everyone else does it too. There is no right or wrong here, only preference, and the respect for other people's preferences.
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Old 05-16-2014, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Up North in God's Country
670 posts, read 818,412 times
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Default Drop-In Visitors

Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Okay this is how i read the "argument" between you two:

One person is saying "Yes i showed up without calling first but what were you doing? Absolutely nothing, so it isnt like i interrupted something vitally important"

The other person is saying "Youre right I wasnt doing anything THIS TIME. However I would like for you to get into the habit of calling ahead of time from now on just in case".
People are all different. When I have visitors, I want to be sure the house is tidied up and that I look presentable. I have days (due to illness) that I lull around in my pj's most of the day, nap, and may have just crawled out of bed...my hair will look a mess. Maybe some people don't care about these things, but most women I know do.

I think it is selfish for people to drop by when it is convenient for them...without checking to see if it is convenient for the other person. My close friends feel the same way. We just don't do that to each other. We respect each other, and we all like to be prepared for visitors. Every now and then, an acquaintance (not a close friend) will drop by. Don't expect me to answer the door. You've made a trip for nothing.
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Old 05-16-2014, 07:22 AM
 
26,364 posts, read 24,528,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
I guess this is just typical of CD posts, that someone with a minority view on an issue wants to call other people names for the feelings they're more than entitled to have.

Currently the poll has 84% of people requiring some type of notice, from an hour to a day. And it doesn't matter at all why they want that head's up. As with any relationship, it's best never to assume that the way you do things is the way everyone else does it too. There is no right or wrong here, only preference, and the respect for other people's preferences.
You are absolutely right, and I'm not arguing that fact....not in the least....and I believe I've stated, I don't care how anyone else feels about it, that is your perogative....however, you don't call people names or state that they are selfish for "their" feelings, we can't all feel the same way and certainly no one expects anyone to....

and I believe I constantly state, there is no right or wrong here....check out my other posts....
but personal insults or telling someone they are selfish b/c I don't want surprise visitors is wrong....
no one but no one is selfish for their personal values and feelings...
and as stated, when I was younger drop in's never bothered me....
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Old 05-16-2014, 08:25 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,084,254 times
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At some point it IS selfish, and should be called so. Am I saying that those who DESIRE notification are selfish? Not necessarily so, and in fact, the point I'm making isn't about where the line is drawn where one's preferences would be regarded as "selfish," but that it is in fact a possibility.

That said, if I were to draw a line, this is what I think, and I stress that this is what I think only; as much as all of us I'm sure are proud of our opinions, I'm trying to realize that it's merely that, not one of the Ten Commandments or such. At any rate, here's where the line is drawn in my mind--if you DESIRE notification and let people know that, and gently, not in a preachy type of way that makes you come off as cold and aloof, then that's fine. You can say that you PREFER notification and how it's based on embarrassment over the state of the house or such, by all means. You can do that all day long, and I will say that some of the reasons given I can somewhat understand (messy house, in middle of cooking and don't want to burn it, etc). In fact, I know of people who have done it that way, and I honored their request.

Where I think it can be suggested you're being selfish--when you're so FIRM on that, to the point that you refuse to answer if someone you KNOW is there, especially if you're not, you know, fresh out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel or the like. I'm sorry, I think you're being a prick at that point. We all have our own opinions and we all aren't expected to be clones of each other, but at that point I think you're being a prick, and I don't know that I would say the one who "just showed up" was one, especially if they didn't know your preference or they did but their phone's battery was dead or such.

Do you have that right? Yes, it's your house, I don't think anyone is arguing that you don't have that right legally-speaking. Heck, you could mandate that they can only come in if they ring the door bell 3 times quickly, wait 3.2 seconds, and ring it 4 more times quickly, then state "password is 'don't fake the funk on the nasty dunk.'" However, yes, I am going to make a judgment call on that--I think it's selfish of the homeowner to be that picky and hard-up about things.

So is it possible for someone to be selfish in terms of what their personal values are? You better believe it is. It's not that it's selfish because it's DIFFERENT than the one making the call, but because of what it is period.

And there there's this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
What about those who say a call is requested but they're ALWAYS busy and are always telling their friends they cant see them. Don't those friends eventually just give up and never speak to you again? I couldn't do that to people.
Yes indeed, and I've lived that. A good close friend of mine who was even the best man at my wedding but was now no longer geographically close-by, he became too "busy" to even talk on the phone even, say, twice a year for 15-odd minutes. This was a guy that was at the level to where I even took vacations with him in college and talked to him practically everyday. Now twice a year 15 minutes each time or so is asking too much? Moreover, I was ALWAYS the one initiating the contact, always.

I finally left a message with his wife, she was very nice by the way, and told her that I absolutely would love to hear from him but that I myself would not be calling anymore and that I was leaving it up to him, and then I gave her contact information that should never change again, and left it at that. I then even deleted his phone number and did a "sync" so that the change was immediate.

This is the thing--I did NOT have the expectation of things being the same as years ago when we spoke practically daily, or us taking vacations together again etc. Too much had changed as time had gone by and he had married and created children etc, as had I. However, I've never thought of those changes as meaning that people you were very CLOSE to would now be at the zero level of communication. Acquaintances from the old days, yes, and even close friends I could see the level of contact being far less--but to the level of absolute zero? That's just sad. I think we can do better than that, and I was mad at him for not trying, but you can't make them do it, so I had to move on from the apparently self-centered person he had become.
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Old 05-16-2014, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,699,775 times
Reputation: 70864
Who said they demand notification or they will tell everyone to EFF off?

My neighbor dropped by the other day - I was in my PJs and my wife was upstairs bathing our toddler so he could go to bed. It was an all-around bad time, but she and her children were invited in and I changed into pants. Was that the way I preferred to meet my new neighbor? No. But I didn't release the hounds or the bees or the hounds with bees in their mouths so that when they bark bees shoot out...
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Old 05-16-2014, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Up North in God's Country
670 posts, read 818,412 times
Reputation: 993
Default Drop-In Visitors

[quote=shyguylh;34825934]

Where I think it can be suggested you're being selfish--when you're so FIRM on that, to the point that you refuse to answer if someone you KNOW is there, especially if you're not, you know, fresh out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel or the like. I'm sorry, I think you're being a prick at that point. We all have our own opinions and we all aren't expected to be clones of each other, but at that point I think you're being a prick, and I don't know that I would say the one who "just showed up" was one, especially if they didn't know your preference or they did but their phone's battery was dead or such.

Do you have that right? Yes, it's your house, I don't think anyone is arguing that you don't have that right legally-speaking. Heck, you could mandate that they can only come in if they ring the door bell 3 times quickly, wait 3.2 seconds, and ring it 4 more times quickly, then state "password is 'don't fake the funk on the nasty dunk.'" However, yes, I am going to make a judgment call on that--I think it's selfish of the homeowner to be that picky and hard-up about things.


[quote]

shyguylh, I respect your opinion, but I guess I'm a prick in your opinion. I'm thinking of one example...one lady in particular who likes to go out walking. We live in a small town. This woman is totally literally obsessed with looking beautiful. Her hair, makeup, figure, and clothing are always immaculate...and she likes to walk all over town for exercise...but also to show off. I happen to know through her mother that she is anorexic. She would never go out without looking perfect. She loves to drop in on people during her walks. Then she gossips about how she went to X's house and what a mess it was and how she looked like she needed a good haircut or to lose weight. I've tried inviting her to have lunch, but she doesn't "do" food. She won't even accept a cup of coffee or tea, because it will stain her beautifully whitened teeth! She is just there to spread the gossip. She can ring my doorbell all she wants, but she is not getting into my house without an invitation. (Period.)

Last edited by MissSoBelle; 05-16-2014 at 09:34 AM..
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