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View Poll Results: How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?
I'm under 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 51 15.94%
I'm under 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 50 15.63%
I'm under 40...drop on by anytime. 12 3.75%
I'm over 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 109 34.06%
I'm over 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 62 19.38%
I'm over 40...drop on by anytime. 36 11.25%
Voters: 320. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-16-2014, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,572 posts, read 24,165,931 times
Reputation: 49001

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
We dont particularly care how messy a person's place is or how bad their hair looks. We're their friend; we're not supposed to care about that stuff. Thats one reason why we dont require calls and dont give them; we feel that friends dont really care about how bad your house or hair is.
But *I* care if my place is messy or that I'm not dressed for company. I don't expect my friends to judge me for it, necessarily, but that's not how I want to present myself to visitors.
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,710,219 times
Reputation: 70864
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
But *I* care if my place is messy or that I'm not dressed for company. I don't expect my friends to judge me for it, necessarily, but that's not how I want to present myself to visitors.
Agreed. And *guys* probably don't care about this, but I am not interested in most people (family and the closest, closest of friends excluded) seeing my unshaven legs or my mud pack on my face or my hair sticking straight out in all directions.

A visual is attached.
Attached Thumbnails
How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?-stan4atdoor.png  
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,092 posts, read 17,568,034 times
Reputation: 27978
Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
But until you do that how will you know if a call is required or not? I mean sometimes you have to touch the stove to find out if its hot or not.
Err on the side of caution, of course. It's rude not to call first.

Somebody who likes pop-in visits will give you some kind of verbal cue about it.

Last edited by Debsi; 05-16-2014 at 12:31 PM..
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:54 AM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,459,720 times
Reputation: 6505
Okay i will agree that in some instances people are rude. After one has been told to not do something but they insist on doing it anyway then yes thats them being rude. However i dont think that someone doing it without ever being told not to is being rude simply by default. Is a person visiting me being rude because they didnt call ahead? No, because at my place they dont have to. Does that mean that theyre not being rude to their friend Sue or James? Maybe, maybe not. Whats good for the goose isnt always good for the gander.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Utah
5,007 posts, read 14,483,163 times
Reputation: 4990
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
It is all about respect for one's time. If I want to see a friend I call to see if they are in a position to have company out of respect for the friendship and I expect that same respect to be given to me.
^ This. It's all about respect.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:04 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,085,541 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi View Post
Err on the side of caution, of course. It's rude not to call first.

Somebody who likes pop-in visits will give you some kind of verbal use about it.
pythonis and I (and a few others) don't think it's rude, and operate under that default modus de operandi. Me, once I know you don't like it, I will adhere. Big deal. That's life sometimes--you take a chance that maybe the negative presumption you make isn't really how it will be, because of the potential gain and beautiful social experience you may have the pleasure of being a part of.

There are many things called "rude" that really aren't to me. Staring briefly (I state BRIEFLY) at an attractive woman--some say it's rude, I say it's not. What do you expect me to do, stare at the sky and bang my head into a light pole? You dress in a skimpy bikini or a low-cut dress with no bra, stop complaining over the occasional glance, it's not like I'm sitting there behind the bushes with a pair of binoculars.

"Rude" to take photos in public without another's permission. Hogwash. Look up Henri Cartier-Bresson and the 2nd Amendment while you're at it. If I'm at the lake and find the ducks or overall scenery pretty, it's my legal and moral right to take a photo of the area without polling every last individual who happens to be in the background if that's okay with them. We're not talking "upskirts" here.

"Rude" to tell a parent of a noisy child that their brat is ruining your experience at a nice restaurant or wedding. So it's "rude" to tell a mother to please quiet her child better that the rest of us are trying to hear the movie or enjoy a nice dinner without all of the screaming? I'm just supposed to sit there and let my experience at the wedding or movie etc be spoiled and just say nothing?

"Rude" to check on a cell phone at a dinner table? What are you, the cell phone police? If I want to glance at my phone periodically, that's my business.

"Rude" to jump into a pool and splash the sunbathers, even incidentally. There's sunshine for your tan at any number of places, water deep enough to swim in is NOT everywhere. Laying immediately next to a pool and whining about the occasional splash is ridiculous. It's just like hanging around the edge of a basketball game and complaining about loose balls, or going to a rock concert and complaining about the noise.

And no, I do NOT think it's "rude" to not call a person first, especially if they haven't TOLD you specifically that it is. I DO think it's rude to slam the door on the face of your friends just because they didn't call you first, especially (again) if they didn't know of your preference or their phone's battery died etc.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:05 PM
bg7
 
7,697 posts, read 8,177,667 times
Reputation: 15093
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
well, so were most of us, however, we all don't enjoy the same thing or agree, that doesn't make anyone wrong or right....

Apparently not. It appears many were raised to be self-conscious, protocol-bound, prone to status-anxiety, and ...judgy.

Is it any wonder we have a country where half of the people are in a state of permanent offense and grievance.

Pardon me for using the neologism judgy, I do prefer it to judgmental.

So drop by for a chat, and bringing some good wine makes it better.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
2,063 posts, read 1,869,479 times
Reputation: 1918
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSoBelle View Post
How do you feel about drop-in visitors...and what is your age group also so that we can see if there is a difference in opinion from age group to age group?

Personally, I don't like drop-in visitors. I think it is common courtesy to call first to see if it is convenient for someone to come by. I guess that is just the way I was raised. How about you?

I wouldn't even want to open the door to be honest.
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,710,219 times
Reputation: 70864
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
pythonis and I (and a few others) don't think it's rude, and operate under that default modus de operandi. Me, once I know you don't like it, I will adhere. Big deal. That's life sometimes--you take a chance that maybe the negative presumption you make isn't really how it will be, because of the potential gain and beautiful social experience you may have the pleasure of being a part of.

There are many things called "rude" that really aren't to me. Staring briefly (I state BRIEFLY) at an attractive woman--some say it's rude, I say it's not. What do you expect me to do, stare at the sky and bang my head into a light pole? You dress in a skimpy bikini or a low-cut dress with no bra, stop complaining over the occasional glance, it's not like I'm sitting there behind the bushes with a pair of binoculars.

"Rude" to take photos in public without another's permission. Hogwash. Look up Henri Cartier-Bresson and the 2nd Amendment while you're at it. If I'm at the lake and find the ducks or overall scenery pretty, it's my legal and moral right to take a photo of the area without polling every last individual who happens to be in the background if that's okay with them. We're not talking "upskirts" here.

"Rude" to tell a parent of a noisy child that their brat is ruining your experience at a nice restaurant or wedding. So it's "rude" to tell a mother to please quiet her child better that the rest of us are trying to hear the movie or enjoy a nice dinner without all of the screaming? I'm just supposed to sit there and let my experience at the wedding or movie etc be spoiled and just say nothing?

"Rude" to check on a cell phone at a dinner table? What are you, the cell phone police? If I want to glance at my phone periodically, that's my business.

And no, I do NOT think it's "rude" to not call a person first, especially if they haven't TOLD you specifically that it is. I DO think it's rude to slam the door on the face of your friends just because they didn't call you first, especially (again) if they didn't know of your preference or their phone's battery died etc.
I don't think any of your examples is rude. Well, the cell phone thing is rude to the person at your table you are with, but not to me at another table.

I also don't think it is rude to show up without calling.
Just don't expect the door to be answered (because as a rule, we simply don't answer the door here unless it's totally convenient or we're expecting you). And then don't call ME rude because I didn't answer the door. How the hell did I know you were coming?
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Old 05-16-2014, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,092 posts, read 17,568,034 times
Reputation: 27978
Obviously, it's not rude to drop in on a person who has an open door policy. I maintain that it IS rude to assume somebody has said policy without being informed of it. The poll on this thread indicates that most here don't like pop-ins.

What is so hard about calling first???
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