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View Poll Results: How Do You Feel About Drop-In Visitors?
I'm under 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 51 15.94%
I'm under 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 50 15.63%
I'm under 40...drop on by anytime. 12 3.75%
I'm over 40 and prefer to be called the day before. 109 34.06%
I'm over 40 and prefer at least an hour's notice. 62 19.38%
I'm over 40...drop on by anytime. 36 11.25%
Voters: 320. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-17-2014, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,403,598 times
Reputation: 70378

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ozgal View Post
You could sit up in your 'turret' with binoculars searching the perimeter for intruders! Watch those dastardly folk with a cup in hand to borrow some sugar. Once they get a foot in the door, you're doomed.
I needed some vinegar for a recipe.
I was out.
I texted my neighbor and asked.
She said, "SURE! Come over!"
See how easy? Made sure it was convenient for her, gave her the choice to share her balsamic or not, gave her the option of not having someone see her messy house or interrupt dinner, wake her from a nap, etc.
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Old 05-17-2014, 02:48 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,051,980 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I needed some vinegar for a recipe.
I was out.
I texted my neighbor and asked.
She said, "SURE! Come over!"
See how easy? Made sure it was convenient for her, gave her the choice to share her balsamic or not, gave her the option of not having someone see her messy house or interrupt dinner, wake her from a nap, etc.
Yes it was easy enough, I've said as much, not a problem. Where I somewhat take my stance is that simply going over there and asking WITHOUT texting first wouldn't have been The Unpardonable Sin worthy of a profanity-laced tirade or her refusing to answer the door--and if your neighbor would've responded as such, I'd say she really overreacted.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Glenbogle
730 posts, read 1,021,566 times
Reputation: 1045
Just curious, why is refusing to answer the door considered to be a negative? Not every house front door is in a location in which the house occupant can see who is there from a window, and while apartment doors often have those little security peepholes, I've never seen one on any exterior door.

Some homes have a front-door intercom but of course the catch-22 is that once you use it to ask "Who's there", then the caller knows that you're home which means you're committed to opening the door or telling the person to Go Away. Personally I think it's more polite (if you don't want to be disturbed) to simply not answer the door if you don't know who it is (and sometimes when you do, LOL).

Granted that thieves sometimes ring a doorbell simply to see if there is anyone home, and if no answer they may assume that no one's there and thus go ahead with their nefarious plans. ;-) However, a sign such as this one ( https://www.etsy.com/listing/7163000...-for-strangers ) solves that problem rather neatly.
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Old 05-18-2014, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,403,598 times
Reputation: 70378
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
Yes it was easy enough, I've said as much, not a problem. Where I somewhat take my stance is that simply going over there and asking WITHOUT texting first wouldn't have been The Unpardonable Sin worthy of a profanity-laced tirade or her refusing to answer the door--and if your neighbor would've responded as such, I'd say she really overreacted.
And who said it was an unpardonable sin?
We are just saying notification is preferable.
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Old 05-18-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Up North in God's Country
670 posts, read 812,625 times
Reputation: 992
Default Drop-In Visitors

Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
So someone who doesnt require a call wasnt raised right? Is that what is being said?
No...it is really a cultural thing. When I was a child, we would drop in on people. It was the norm back then, but now it seems like an invasion of privacy. I think it just depends on where you live and how you were raised. I've spent most of my adult years in a large city, and you didn't drop in on people because you had to drive so far to visit someone. Now, I'm in a small town, and people seem to drop by more...unless you let them know that you prefer a call first.
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:26 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,051,980 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSoBelle View Post
No...it is really a cultural thing. When I was a child, we would drop in on people. It was the norm back then, but now it seems like an invasion of privacy. I think it just depends on where you live and how you were raised. I've spent most of my adult years in a large city, and you didn't drop in on people because you had to drive so far to visit someone. Now, I'm in a small town, and people seem to drop by more...unless you let them know that you prefer a call first.
I think culture may play a part in it. When living in AZ we knew someone originally from CA and they would get FURIOUS if we just showed up without calling. We also had friends who for awhile lived in CA and they said people there were that way, whereas we in eastern NC had always been easy-going with drop-ins.

The person we know in AZ originally from CA, she was very poor to the point her son & she would sometimes just eat Ramen Noodles for dinner. We would periodically treat them by taking them out to eat pizza, which to them was like practically winning the lottery. They were very appreciative. I actually would, one could argue, use this to somewhat modify their "call first" stance. That is, there was an occasion or two where we did try to call first, although we both thought that was silly, but we would call anyway only to not get an answer. We'd take a chance and this person would get upset, but then notice their phone was switched off or its battery had died. We would say something to the effect of "sorry we 'just dropped in,' but hey, we were headed to a pizza place and thought maybe you and your son would like that better than "oodles of noodles" tonight."

The point was clear--open up your heart a little bit, and so will we; if, instead, you stand so firm on YOUR house and YOUR time and YOUR preferences, well it's OUR money and OUR time and OUR pizza and we can just go by ourselves vs sharing with you and your son. I mean, hey, we were willing to wait if they needed time to get ready etc vs rushing them out the door with no time to clean-up etc.

Especially given that we had typically tried to call first and only "dropped in" because the phone was dead, and yet you're going to grumble, even then, about how we didn't call first, and you're acting this way when we are offering you and your son a night out of pizza? Okay, it's up to you how petty you want to be about this and whether your pride and stubbornness about this is so ridiculous that you're going to turn down a free pizza over it. It didn't take long for this person to stop being quite so anal.

If that was tantamount to blackmail, so be it. Again, this is especially the case since we did in fact often-times attempt to call first only to encounter them having a dead battery or their phone was off etc.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,103,583 times
Reputation: 5040
I'm a planner. I've never had drop-in visitors & I'm quite sure I never will. And I know for a fact that no one I know will ever just pop up at my door.

I like to plan visits at least 1-2 wks in advanced.
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Old 05-19-2014, 06:49 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,939,770 times
Reputation: 7531
i won't answer the door if people come by unexpected. that's what the phone is for.
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Old 05-20-2014, 01:22 AM
 
Location: Earth
358 posts, read 290,811 times
Reputation: 718
I can't stand it when people drop by unannounced because it always seems to happen when I'm the most, tired, ill or the house look like a tornado went through it. My in-laws always seem to drop by when I have cold or flu. A little notice beforehand would help so that I can at least freshen up a bit. Now I think about it, it really ticks me off.
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Old 05-20-2014, 08:13 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,051,980 times
Reputation: 6149
Hmm, this thread was almost retired, but not quite.

Again, if someone has expressly stated to me that they PREFER someone to call first, then whether I agree with it or not I consent. However, I do think it gets taken kind of extreme sometimes.

Yes, I think someone who won't answer the door to people they KNOW because they didn't call first, that's a bit much. It's a person's prerogative, but I still think it's a bit much. Friends should be considerate of their friends yet at the same time I think it does to a certain extent get to where it's like we have to make freaking appointments to see each other. What kind of community is that? It's like what George Carlin once observed about children & play-dates, children playing with each other now is done almost 100% by appointment. His vulgarities aside, I always agreed with him about those types of observations. I can tell you that the play "episodes" I enjoyed most where were my children met other children "in the flow of life" of what we were doing and started playing with those other children totally spontaneously on the spot, no appointment needed. I think life in general should work more that way, we're not all dentists here.

The example I gave in my last post was especially telling. This person a couple of times was really cold to us because, egads, we didn't call first, and the situation was either we couldn't call because our phone battery had died, or we had tried but THEIR phone battery had died (this was years ago and at that time we weren't as well equipped with tons of plug-in or "battery pack" chargers everywhere), and we had stopped by because we were on our way to a pizza joint or the like and wanted to take them with us and treat them. Understand, this was a single mother and son who were dead-broke (not that we were rich) and often-times ate things like nissin "Oodles of Noodles" and they had no car. We really were "just in the neighborhood" and wanted to treat them to this meal that, to someone like them, would seem like a visit to the Buckingham Palace compared to what they would normally experience.

And you're going to haggle over call-first protocol? I think what I said to them was something like "our phone battery had died, so we couldn't (or it was 'we tried, but your phone kept going to voice mail,' because that did happen a couple of times in fact), but we were thinking of you on the way to enjoying some pizza for ourselves and in thinking of you said 'Lori and her son probably haven't had a pizza in probably a month, and they don't have a way to get to one easily, let's see if they'd like to come, I'd bet they'd love it' and that's why we're here. If you want to go, we can give you 10-15 minutes to get ready, or we can just go ourselves, but we meant well. It's up to you."

The point was clear--lighten up and stop being so hard-up about HAVING to call first, and maybe you can allow yourself and your son to experience a blessing you otherwise wouldn't experience.

A person's preferences should be respected as a general rule, but not being so hard-up about such things, it really is a better way I think.
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