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I usually won't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone. I'm just never prepared to receive an uninvited guest at the drop of a hat.
This. Funny, a friend and I were talking about this very thing. Both of us are like this. Unless I know you're coming, I'm not answering the door. I've had people ring my door and I'm sitting right in the living room and unless I am expecting them I won't open the door. Everyone that knows me knows this so the rare I'm always called beforehand.
If my door is open (on a nice spring day....like today) and you come up to the screen I'll come talk to you, but you're not coming in. I've never had an issue with someone wanting to come in.
I also NEVER drop by anyone's house unannounced whether it's a good friend or even a boyfriend. Since I want that respect, I give that respect.
The ONLY time I ever opened the door was when the police knocked on my door at 2:00 a.m. to let me know that someone broke into my Jeep, and of course that was only because I saw the shining lights in front of my house, and STILL I was leery thinking that there was some crazed person in the neighborhood.
Like I said before, I prefer the "drop in anytime" atmosphere when I've had the pleasure of experiencing it. If someone really absolutely, for whatever bizarre and ridiculous reason, thinks that it's "disrespectful" to not practically make an appointment with their secretary first before "barging" over (gee whiz), then for the sake of diplomacy, honor it.
Still, I've had the environment and atmosphere of people that don't throw the mother of all fits over the occasional visit that wasn't screened with the Department of the Interior or whomever first, and I must say, there is so much community and love in that atmosphere. It really is so warm and comforting, sort of like a bowl of chicken noodle soup on a cold day.
I mean, come on, there is still plenty of private time and "decompress" time left when it's all said and done anyway. Many will say "drop-ins" are selfish for the disrespect, but I say those being so big on MY time and MY house and MY rules and MY schedule and insist so strongly on this, I think one could argue that is being selfish. I think it's like a form of hoarding, like being the rich person who is stingy and won't share with anybody at all for fear that it will turn into a case of people leeching off of them (which it can do, and which is wrong by the way), and insists "hey, it's my money, I can do what I want with it." On the one hand, he's right--on the other hand, he's a selfish fool. There's no thought for others, no compassion, just a huge deal being made over MY this and MY that.
I am an introvert, although I do enjoy socializing from time to time. However, I do that socializing when and where I choose to and it is never in my own home. To me, my home is where I go to spend quiet time by myself to unwind. It is my sanctuary and I do not want to be disturbed by other people when I am trying to relax.
I wonder if it's more of an introvert/extrovert thing than an age thing here. I was like this when I was 20, same when I was 30, and next year when I turn 40, I will be exactly the same.
Some of you sound really offended that some of us just like to be left along at home. Why does it bother you so much what we do in our own time and space? There are plenty of other places to visit with friends, so it's not like we're being anti-social.
Another factor for me is that I hate to clean and only do so on the weekends when I have some free time. My house is a wreck Monday through Friday and I have no interest in keeping it kept just in case someone happens to come over unannounced.
I am an introvert, although I do enjoy socializing from time to time. However, I do that socializing when and where I choose to and it is never in my own home. To me, my home is where I go to spend quiet time by myself to unwind. It is my sanctuary and I do not want to be disturbed by other people when I am trying to relax.
I wonder if it's more of an introvert/extrovert thing than an age thing here. I was like this when I was 20, same when I was 30, and next year when I turn 40, I will be exactly the same.
Some of you sound really offended that some of us just like to be left along at home. Why does it bother you so much what we do in our own time and space? There are plenty of other places to visit with friends, so it's not like we're being anti-social.
Another factor for me is that I hate to clean and only do so on the weekends when I have some free time. My house is a wreck Monday through Friday and I have no interest in keeping it kept just in case someone happens to come over unannounced.
Precisely. I work around people 9-5 Monday to Friday, I do an occasional hangout after work, and my home is my place to be away from people. And I've felt that way for as long as I can remember.
But I must say, growing up (in the 70s & 80s) I don't remember ever dropping in on people then either. In fact, I remember my mother being annoyed if one of my aunts dropped in unannounced.
Children (at least back then) were different. How were you to know if someone could go out and play if you didn't go over and knock on their door? But the social rules for children are usually laxer than those for adults.
I was raised by parents who thought it was fine to "drop in" on people, even dragging us kids along. I thought it was weird even then. From the time I was a child I woke up in the morning knowing what I planned to do that day. I always have projects, I fulfill responsibilities I take on, and I like my "me time." I'm happy to make time for visitors, but not without advance notice. I'm not big on surprises in general.
I don't get many drops-ins, though. Why? If I'm in the middle of something, I just don't answer the doorbell. If people hate me for that, I guess we weren't meant to be friends. My favorite people even make an appointment to talk on the phone.
I think it is so rude and growing up my parents would have family and other drop in visitors and it is irritating. One time my Mom's aunt and Uncle dropped in and said they were out for a drive in the neighborhood. They lived over 2 hours away, WTF? I prefer to to be given notice and like to give others notice as well.
We just moved and are moving again so few drop ins but I'd love to have that at our new place! I've been raised on the mentality that people come first. If someone is coming over they are more important than whatever else. Who cares if my house is not as clean as I'd like? I live a little.
My in-laws would do the drop in thing occasionally. It was frustrating because it could easily be a two hour visit.
One day it was my day off and they dropped by and I said hi, but basically went about doing the tasks I had set out for the day, and it caused a huge fuss. Apparently I was supposed to play happy hostess.
We just moved and are moving again so few drop ins but I'd love to have that at our new place! I've been raised on the mentality that people come first. If someone is coming over they are more important than whatever else. Who cares if my house is not as clean as I'd like? I live a little.
Yes, exactly. As I said before, it is my view that people that are so hard-up about MY time and MY house and MY space and MY preferences and MY boundaries blah blah blah, I think it's kind of a selfish and unfriendly attitude frankly. It's fine if you PREFER some notification per se and tell people you would RATHER they call first, but when it's to the point that you will refuse to answer the door or phone because someone you call a friend didn't make an appointment with you first, I think you're being something of a jerk in that case. As I said earlier, it's like someone who has tons of money but when asked for a small amount of help (and NOT to the degree that everyone & their grandmother is using them as a meal ticket) they refuse to, replying "it's MY money, mine mine mine." No one argues that one has the right to spend their money how they please and to avoid being taken for a fool by moochers, but when taken to the extreme of helping no one saying "it's MY money," it's just selfish.
And an appointment to CALL you? Gee whiz, you can't be serious. What next, asking permission to make an appointment for making an appointment to call? It reminds me of the mayor in the 1993 movie Tombstone trying to talk some sense into the Earps about asking for their help in fighting crime, as they were past crime fighters. He was needing and wanting their help in the community for that vs just making money and not doing anything about the situation, sarcastically saying to them "innocent people are dying, but please, don't let me waste anymore of your precious time." Exactly.
A few mentioned in-laws that would drop in and then hang out for 2 hours even if you were headed out the door, or griping about how messy the house is etc. In such cases, I actually agree with you. What I have been referring to is more of a case where you drop in and visit for 10 minutes or so and then if they ask you to stay longer and you feel like it then you do so, but otherwise you're gone in about 10 minutes or so, and you don't DARE make any complaints about the house being imperfect. Also, if the one home is really headed out the door, then by all means, don't be miffed when they follow through on what they had planned. Instead, apologize and say you can come back some other time (and honor any suggestions they make as to when a better time will be) and go ahead and head on down the road. Even if they were headed out the door to go to the lake or go bicycling, don't be offended. By the same token, if they had planned out the day in terms of doing some work around the house and were about to start doing that, then keep the visit short (maybe even 3-5 minutes) and then leave to let them get back to what they had planned out.
We all understand, including me, about one's home being a sanctuary and a place of peace, absolutely. Still, when you take it to the point that I've heard others speak of, I think it's selfish and cold on some level. "I think it's rude to just show up"--oh please, get over your flipping self already. It's not all about what YOU want all the time--yes, even in your own home.
It's also not about what YOU want, especially when it is not your own home.
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