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Err on the side of caution, of course. It's rude not to call first.
Somebody who likes pop-in visits will give you some kind of verbal use about it.
To me, to err on the side of cation is to assume that theyre always busy and never call, visit, or interact. Lets be honest here: whats rude to you may not be rude to everyone else. Its your opinion.
I'm divorced/single and live alone, therefore, I've grown selfish with my time, ...
....this is me, my feelings and how I live my life and it is by all means not selfish and who in the world stops by for 10 minutes...that never happens dude.
She can ring my doorbell all she wants, but she is not getting into my house without an invitation. (Period.)
I was wondering when someone would point out the elephant in the room, i.e., that not everyone who may drop in is someone who you want to spend any time with (but you've been too polite to say what you really feel, which is "I would be extremely happy if I never had to bandy words with you again in this or any other lifetime.").
The failure-to-answer-the-door response is probably the only option, accompanied by a fervent hope that the person will realize that you ARE home, put two and two together, and finally come to the conclusion that you don't want them to make any more spontaneous visits.
I really don't have many people close to me, but the one person who is, is welcome at any time of the day or night.
I prefer to be called at least an hour ahead of time. Being called a day ahead of time is too vague; they're often late and I spend my whole day waiting for them.
I don't like to have people pop by with no notice, because I may be in the middle of doing something, or on my way out, or may be sick, etc. With three young children, there's always a likelihood that something is going on in my house.
I like to be called at least an hour in advance so that I have time to finish whatever I'm be doing, or straighten up the house, or prepare myself for a visit.
It's fun to have family and friends come by, but I hate to be caught totally off-guard. An hour's notice is much appreciated.
To me, to err on the side of cation is to assume that theyre always busy and never call, visit, or interact. Lets be honest here: whats rude to you may not be rude to everyone else. Its your opinion.
Perhaps "inconsiderate" would be a better word.
Rude and inconsiderate are synonyms.
You keep focusing on the person being dropped in on, but what is your opposition to a phone call or text first to see if they're home and available to be visited?
You keep focusing on the person being dropped in on, but what is your opposition to a phone call or text first to see if they're home and available to be visited?
I dont have a problem with doing it depending on the situation. Yes i will call to find out if youre home but im not going to ask permission to come visit you. Its a free country i can knock on your door if i wish. Just like you can tell me its not a good time while ive got you on the phone or once im there. However if im driving down the street and i just happen to drive by your house i may stop by for a minute to say hi. I have no problem with someone telling me its not a good time to be visited. Too many people not wanting to hurt someones feelings. Theyll get over it. But i dont like being made to feel like a 5 year old having to ask permission to go to the bathroom, cross the street, or go visit a friend.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis
I dont have a problem with doing it depending on the situation. Yes i will call to find out if youre home but im not going to ask permission to come visit you. Its a free country i can knock on your door if i wish. Just like you can tell me its not a good time while ive got you on the phone or once im there. However if im driving down the street and i just happen to drive by your house i may stop by for a minute to say hi. I have no problem with someone telling me its not a good time to be visited. Too many people not wanting to hurt someones feelings. Theyll get over it. But i dont like being made to feel like a 5 year old having to ask permission to go to the bathroom, cross the street, or go visit a friend.
It is a free country, you can knock on my door if you want, but I can also ignore you if I ain't expecting you or cuss you out for not calling first and slam the door in your face.
It is a free country, you can knock on my door if you want, but I can also ignore you if I ain't expecting you or cuss you out for not calling first and slam the door in your face.
Yes, you can. However if you were cussing me out id tell you to get over yourself and that you never said you required a call. If you were severely upset over it then i could do 1 of 2 things: Apologize and put you on my "call first" list, or 2: Put you on my "dont ever bother" list. Most of the people I know wont cuss you out though.
We've determined that a majority of ppl here like a heads up but the majority here do not speak for every person on the planet. The way YOU feel or were raised is not necessarily the way SHE feels or the way HE was raised. We're all different. Perhaps you were raised to cover your mouth when you sneeze. I was raised to simply turn my head. Am I being rude? You may think so because of how you were raised whereas to me i was not being rude. So who is right? Who's version of right or wrong should we adhere to? Yours? Mine? In a world where everyone thinks THEYRE right then by default theyre going to adhere to their own beliefs. Problem is in the current world we live in theres always someone who is going to be offended by it.
I was wondering when someone would point out the elephant in the room, i.e., that not everyone who may drop in is someone who you want to spend any time with (but you've been too polite to say what you really feel, which is "I would be extremely happy if I never had to bandy words with you again in this or any other lifetime.").
The failure-to-answer-the-door response is probably the only option, accompanied by a fervent hope that the person will realize that you ARE home, put two and two together, and finally come to the conclusion that you don't want them to make any more spontaneous visits.
Nope...Not quite accurately understood. Nobody gets into my house without an invitation...no matter how much I like you. Most people (even my sisters) call before coming over to see if it is a good time to visit. If I say "yes," then that is an invitation. If I say, "no," then obviously, you are not invited on that day. (I am very tactful when saying no.)
I'm one of those women who care about how I look and present myself, but I'm not obsessed with it like my one friend who I mentioned earlier. I don't care if youdon't care about seeing me looking disheveled and/or the house may not be tidy. This is not only about you. I care how I look...and since it's my house, you don't get to come over and see me looking that way unless I choose to invite you...which isn't going to happen when I'm not looking half-way decent or the house is untidy.
Maybe this is something that guys can't understand...especially young guys. Most women take pride in their appearance and the appearance of their house...especially more mature women. Maybe a young mom can't do much about it if the kids are running in and out with their friends. That is a very different situation.
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