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Old 05-11-2014, 05:30 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,017 posts, read 1,724,133 times
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Yay or Nay?


I did this once, and it was met with indifference. The woman I sent the "Happy Mother's Day" message to has a maternal spirit, and has been a mothering influence to a number of children (relatives and non-relatives). But when I sent her the message it was met with indifference (and even mild contempt) even after I explained myself.

Mind you, she can't have children. So maybe I was wrong, but it was well intentioned...

Should "Happy Mother's Day" messages only be restricted to women who have children?
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Old 05-11-2014, 05:33 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,977,838 times
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I sent my BFF a Godmother card before. I've seen cards for "like a mother" before. I think it was probably more her than you. You were obviously well intentioned.
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Old 05-11-2014, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
2,725 posts, read 1,681,855 times
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If anyone wants to show their appreciation for someone who acts maternal but doesn't actually have children, no matter the reason, I would suggest doing it on any day but Mother's Day, a day that is often fraught with conflicting emotions.

I am not a mom and yet I have received Mother's Day cards from family members who do have kids. I know they mean well, but I do tend to downplay them; you could say I treat them with indifference. In truth, I don't know what to say or do when I receive them. This is because the reason I don't have children was due to a hurtful, emotionally abusive situation between me and my mom, something that my relatives aren't aware of. And I often wish things had been different, so a card on Mother's Day just serves to point out what I missed out on.

Whereas mostly I have made my peace with it, the day when mothers are celebrated is by default the day that de facto most emphasizes my childlessness. I just act indifferent because if I think about it very much, I might start to cry, which would probably upset the giver, who was just trying to do something nice for me.

I understand you were just trying to do something to show this woman how much you think of her. But I would say that if you have an impulse to get a Mother's Day card for a woman who does not have children, pick a different day and different card.
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Old 05-11-2014, 06:58 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,017 posts, read 1,724,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irootoo View Post
If anyone wants to show their appreciation for someone who acts maternal but doesn't actually have children, no matter the reason, I would suggest doing it on any day but Mother's Day, a day that is often fraught with conflicting emotions.

I am not a mom and yet I have received Mother's Day cards from family members who do have kids. I know they mean well, but I do tend to downplay them; you could say I treat them with indifference. In truth, I don't know what to say or do when I receive them. This is because the reason I don't have children was due to a hurtful, emotionally abusive situation between me and my mom, something that my relatives aren't aware of. And I often wish things had been different, so a card on Mother's Day just serves to point out what I missed out on.

Whereas mostly I have made my peace with it, the day when mothers are celebrated is by default the day that de facto most emphasizes my childlessness. I just act indifferent because if I think about it very much, I might start to cry, which would probably upset the giver, who was just trying to do something nice for me.

I understand you were just trying to do something to show this woman how much you think of her. But I would say that if you have an impulse to get a Mother's Day card for a woman who does not have children, pick a different day and different card.
Thanks for your insight. Wishing you continued resolution...

I dunno... I think it just boils down to what place we're in as childless adults whom would like children, but don't have them ... and the reasons we don't have them and whether that has been fully resolved.

I often get Happy Father's Day messages, although I don't have children, and I've grown to appreciate those messages. When I first started getting them I was taken aback, and responded to a few of them like, "I don't have kids!" lol! Shortly after, I began to appreciate the thought and the effort. To me it's just as much as an honor to be thought of in that way, especially if you aren't a parent.

But yeah, I haven't sent anymore of those messages to "non-mothers" since then. And if I did, it'd be to women who are much older... as in 50s and up whom embrace that role.
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Old 05-12-2014, 03:20 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,660 posts, read 19,768,059 times
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Maybe Hallmark should start a new line of cards for all the people that have no special day set aside for them.
"Not A Vet or a President or a Mother or a Father or Jesus or a Saint's Day" kind of thing.
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,082 posts, read 5,346,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Maybe Hallmark should start a new line of cards for all the people that have no special day set aside for them.
"Not A Vet or a President or a Mother or a Father or Jesus or a Saint's Day" kind of thing.
It's called a "Thinking of You" card.
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,499 posts, read 5,035,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UserNamesake View Post
Yay or Nay?


I did this once, and it was met with indifference. The woman I sent the "Happy Mother's Day" message to has a maternal spirit, and has been a mothering influence to a number of children (relatives and non-relatives). But when I sent her the message it was met with indifference (and even mild contempt) even after I explained myself.

Mind you, she can't have children. So maybe I was wrong, but it was well intentioned...

Should "Happy Mother's Day" messages only be restricted to women who have children?
Uh, yeah. People aren't Mothers for lots of reasons and many women might feel hurt to be reminded of those reasons.
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:12 AM
 
64 posts, read 72,355 times
Reputation: 100
My mom says "happy mother's day" to me because I am the "mother" of two cats. I find it amusing and wouldn't be angry or sad if a stranger said it to me.
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Old 05-12-2014, 09:21 AM
 
32,037 posts, read 32,836,483 times
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She wasn't mom, but she loved us:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/06/living...html?hpt=hp_c2
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Old 05-12-2014, 09:29 AM
 
32,037 posts, read 32,836,483 times
Reputation: 14920
Quote:
Originally Posted by UserNamesake View Post
Thanks for your insight. Wishing you continued resolution...

I dunno... I think it just boils down to what place we're in as childless adults whom would like children, but don't have them ... and the reasons we don't have them and whether that has been fully resolved.

I often get Happy Father's Day messages, although I don't have children, and I've grown to appreciate those messages. When I first started getting them I was taken aback, and responded to a few of them like, "I don't have kids!" lol! Shortly after, I began to appreciate the thought and the effort. To me it's just as much as an honor to be thought of in that way, especially if you aren't a parent.

But yeah, I haven't sent anymore of those messages to "non-mothers" since then. And if I did, it'd be to women who are much older... as in 50s and up whom embrace that role.
I really think it depends on the woman's herself and her attitude to the fact she is technically not a mother. But some women especially if they are older sisters or aunts have mothering type roles within their families and might be happy to be acknowledged on Mother's Day. My deceased uncle used to continue to take out his aunt (my great-aunt also deceased now) after his mother (my grandmother) died for a Mother's Day brunch as his aunt was childless and used to join the brunch my uncle used to take out his mother too. I know that my great-aunt used to enjoy those Mother's Day brunches.
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