Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I love, love, love fishing also, but would fish by myself, before fishing with someone else's husband.
I understand what you are saying, and totally believe your on the up and up, however, the man is married, regardless of anything else, and that is a no no, period!
I learned a long time ago, men, do not think as women do, they are totally different, regardless, and there must have been problems occuring in their marriage before, besides.....I have always lived by several rules.
1. You never befriend a married man, ever.
2. You never date a man where your work, ever.
3. You never ever joke with a man/friend using any sexual connotations, b/c they will always misinterept what you mean. They think you are coming onto them.
4. And when you go out in couples, you never ever dance with someone else's husband. I did once and even though she was dancing with mine, she went ballistic, (sent me into a shock mode)...so ever since then, I've adopted these rules.
You never know, how unstable someone spouse is, and what if she actually follows him if she thinks there is something going on. There is nothing more dangerous then a jealous wife....and I'm serious....it is not worth it!
It's definitely a bit improper - unfortunately, I've learned that it really is not possible to have an appopriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex that is not romantic. No matter how it seems to you, it will always be suspicious to those around you, and you can never really be sure what the guy is thinking. One possible solution is to make friends with the wife - although friendship with the wife is certainly no barrier to an affair, it can at least let her feel in the loop and see your relationship for herself. You could invite them to dinner at your house, or see if he can invite her on one of your fishing trips, maybe one where there is something besides fishing to do. He should probably have thought of that himself, and I wonder why he hasn't already done it.
oh, it is possible, of all my male friends, I've had two that didn't try to come onto me, in my lifetime...for my entire lifetime of knowing them...but if they were married and I wasn't, I'd never interfer or pursue the friendship.
But, I will say this, I was lucky enough to have two male friends in my life time that nothing ever happened. Matter of fact, one of them told me, "whoever you date, do not tell them we are friends" I replied, "WHY", he said, b/c I know men, and he will think you and I slept together!"
I asked a boyfriend about that and he said, "yes, it's true of most".
If she is a jealous woman, there will be nothing that convinces her they are not having an affair.
Let me tell you, after I split up with my son's father, we were the best of friends, for years. Then, he met the woman he was going to marry....she was and still is a very sick and jealous woman. Mean lady...she ended it but quick....and was actually very cruel to my 5 year old son at the time....she literally slapped him across the face, many times, hit him, verbally abused him, her own son said, "I don't know why mom treats you like this". Anyway, long story, but to my point, you never know people, until you live with them, so be very careful.
His comments already cross a line. Since you and he never made any overnight plans (right?), he created this whole scenario to see if you're willing to play. He's using his so-called "wife's concerns" as an opening to talk about his wishful thinking.
It's highly unlikely he and his wife ever discussed it, and if they did he has no business telling you about it.
Be very firm in rejecting his flights of fancy: "Tell her she has nothing to worry about, I'm not remotely romantically interested in you." Shut him down. Then call his wife and tell her the same. Whether he's really passing on her concerns or he's just making them up, either way he's out of bounds and she deserves to know what he said about her.
It's interesting how responses to threads show insight into the people responding. He is bitching to his friend about his wife. That's totally normal.
It's interesting how responses to threads show insight into the people responding. He is bitching to his friend about his wife. That's totally normal.
Ummmmm, Not always! honestly, she could be right, you never know? However, the point is, you should never get involved in any way shape or form with a married man, it all could blow up in your face, and to me, the risks involved isn't worth it. Plus, I was on the other side of this type of deal....my husband ran around, and I'd never, ever want to hurt another woman like I was hurt.
It's more the image of this man picking his wife up from work, dropping her off at the house and then taking off to spend hours with a woman 20 years his junior to have fun while his wife... what? Eats dinner alone and goes to bed? The OP and her friend appear to be closer, or on their way to being closer, than the man and his wife. Regardless of whether they are romantically involved at this point, I think most people see this as an inappropriate relationship for a single woman and a married man, because it is most likely hurtful to his wife.
Who are these people seeing the relationship? Who has knowledge of who his fishing buddies are? My husband goes away fishing, hunting, and golfing all the time. Our neighbors have no idea who he is with. Heck, most of the time they don't even know he's gone. They're surly not seeing me eating dinner alone and going to bed. I do have a life independent of my husband.
Who are these people seeing the relationship? Who has knowledge of who his fishing buddies are? My husband goes away fishing, hunting, and golfing all the time. Our neighbors have no idea who he is with. Heck, most of the time they don't even know he's gone. They're surly not seeing me eating dinner alone and going to bed. I do have a life independent of my husband.
yes, you do, and that is fine, if it is fine with you and your husband, however, he is not spending time with other women and you other men. There is a difference Hope. And, maybe it wouldn't bother you if he were friendly with a woman, but it is bothering the op's friend's wife...she is not ok with this, and she has to be priority it this....if she were ok with it, then completely different ball game, don't you think?
Who are these people seeing the relationship? Who has knowledge of who his fishing buddies are? My husband goes away fishing, hunting, and golfing all the time. Our neighbors have no idea who he is with. Heck, most of the time they don't even know he's gone. They're surly not seeing me eating dinner alone and going to bed. I do have a life independent of my husband.
I'm talking about how people in this thread are viewing the relationship, based on what the OP posted. My comment was in response to a comment from another poster.
Yep, you may see it as just a fishing friendship, but I GUARANTEE you the old geezer doesn't. We guys get a little strange when we get older, if a younger lady pays any attention to us we begin to think "Hey, maybe I still have it !!!! "
I bet someone will say that "not all old men are that way", but I also bet more are than aren't. Find someone else to dangle the worm with, the current one is going to be a pain in the Bass.
Don
Don, you said it.
In my younger years, I often started up friendships with older guys, saw them as mentors, friends, and so forth.
Practically every one eventually made a pass.
It finally dawned on me that men see things through a different lens.
yes, you do, and that is fine, if it is fine with you and your husband, however, he is not spending time with other women and you other men. There is a difference Hope. And, maybe it wouldn't bother you if he were friendly with a woman, but it is bothering the op's friend's wife...she is not ok with this, and she has to be priority it this....if she were ok with it, then completely different ball game, don't you think?
You're making many assumptions. My husband and I both have many friends of the opposite sex. The wife asking if they are sharing the tent is not necessarily an indication she is overly bothered. She may be just wanting reassurance. One of my best friends was like that. Her husband and I were dear friends for many years before they married. One day he told me that she said something like, "I better not find out you two ever had sex." She just wanted reassurance. That was 20 years ago. I'm still friends with her husband, but I'm even closer friends with her. I do different things with each one of them. He and I go to the shooting range, motorcycle riding, and out dancing. She and I do the girly things like lunch, shop together, and talk endlessly and emotionally supporting each other. A few times a year we do cookouts at each other's house with both of our families. So, you're basing a lot on limited information of the wife in the OP simply asking a question.
There's something fishy going on here.
I suspect that it's not that the wife doesn't trust you but rather she doesn't trust him.
After all, she's known him a lot longer then she's known you and knows how he thinks and how he acts,
This has a lot of ingredients for turning into a $hit $torm that could ruin your love of fishing for a while.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"