U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 05-15-2014, 06:00 AM
 
4,728 posts, read 4,459,765 times
Reputation: 9038

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I am honestly stunned at the number of people who do not trust their spouses and cannot imagine them having a platonic relationship with a male or female (depending on your own gender).
Why are you even with them if you cannot trust them to go fishing with someone who has the same interest that you do not have?

I am so glad I do not have trust or insecurity issues with myself or my husband.
Agree with this.

 
Old 05-15-2014, 06:44 AM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,145,003 times
Reputation: 17199
Quote:
Originally Posted by rzzz View Post
Honestly, there is something going on. He's hanging out with a much younger woman AND going fishing. He's doing a good job of keeping it on the straight and narrow (easy to do when you're old) but in the back of his mind he's knows he has found the holy grail. There is no reason for you to get involved with his wife, but you might ask yourself why are you really spending so much time with a 60+ year old man?
Exactly. I would never in a million years get myself in this "relationship" and I'm not even a jealous or clingy person. I had a serious BF for 10 years and we didn't even want to live together LOL.

And the quip about "the wife" wanting to know if you were going fishing that week and sleeping in the tent?

Gurl. That in itself was a "fishing" expedition!

p.s And because you don't KNOW the woman, you better hope she's rational and doesn't decide to take out her possible marital issues on YOU one of these days.

DO NOT contact her and even say anything, you don't even know if she actually SAID that or not!!!
 
Old 05-15-2014, 07:45 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,782,682 times
Reputation: 25421
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Put me in the "idiot" camp then because I don't wonder what is going on when my husband spends the weekend with one of his female friends who live several states away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I am honestly stunned at the number of people who do not trust their spouses and cannot imagine them having a platonic relationship with a male or female (depending on your own gender).
Why are you even with them if you cannot trust them to go fishing with someone who has the same interest that you do not have?

I am so glad I do not have trust or insecurity issues with myself or my husband.
I don't think it's an issue of people not trusting their spouses, or not being able to imagine a platonic relationship between a man and a woman.

It's more the image of this man picking his wife up from work, dropping her off at the house and then taking off to spend hours with a woman 20 years his junior to have fun while his wife... what? Eats dinner alone and goes to bed? The OP and her friend appear to be closer, or on their way to being closer, than the man and his wife. Regardless of whether they are romantically involved at this point, I think most people see this as an inappropriate relationship for a single woman and a married man, because it is most likely hurtful to his wife.
 
Old 05-15-2014, 07:54 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,070 posts, read 14,384,023 times
Reputation: 36806
One word: impropriety.
 
Old 05-15-2014, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,044 posts, read 8,293,637 times
Reputation: 19272
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I don't think it's an issue of people not trusting their spouses, or not being able to imagine a platonic relationship between a man and a woman.

It's more the image of this man picking his wife up from work, dropping her off at the house and then taking off to spend hours with a woman 20 years his junior to have fun while his wife... what? Eats dinner alone and goes to bed? The OP and her friend appear to be closer, or on their way to being closer, than the man and his wife. Regardless of whether they are romantically involved at this point, I think most people see this as an inappropriate relationship for a single woman and a married man, because it is most likely hurtful to his wife.
Good post! I think you have nailed the distinction many feel, including me. Sitting in a boat, waiting for a fish to bite, it does give you hours to talk about everything under the sun, and then you wonder (or at least I do), does he spend that kind of time with his wife, one-on-one? Is he investing more of himself into the friendship than his own marriage?
 
Old 05-15-2014, 08:30 AM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,612,244 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05 View Post
It is time for the OP and her male friend to have a frank conversation regarding the status of their friendship.
It is a bit of stretch even calling this a friendship. Most friendships involve doing more than one activity together. It is at best a very casual friendship. Basically started up due to sharing costs of driving and the OP supplying some fishing equipment. Doesn't sound like either one has even suggested getting together and cooking the fish they catch, and including the wife or any family/friends the OP has.

Not much different than two people who meet up for a drink occasionally or are in the same book club, but have no other contact/activities outside of the one event. I don't call those people friends.

And since they go to the same lake to fish every time, aren't they running into the same people. Can't they get one other person to join them?
 
Old 05-15-2014, 08:30 AM
 
37,912 posts, read 14,778,477 times
Reputation: 24254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Good post! I think you have nailed the distinction many feel, including me. Sitting in a boat, waiting for a fish to bite, it does give you hours to talk about everything under the sun, and then you wonder (or at least I do), does he spend that kind of time with his wife, one-on-one? Is he investing more of himself into the friendship than his own marriage?
I would bet good money on it. The OP loves fishing and spirited conversation. No problem with that.

But her fishing buddy is leaving a wife behind to spend hours with a much younger woman who shares his passion in life. If the wife isn't concerned, she ought to be.

And judging from his comment about sharing a tent, I wouldn't be hugely surprised if before long there were comments about how, "My wife doesn't understand me," and/or "We have an understanding."
 
Old 05-15-2014, 08:40 AM
 
3,154 posts, read 3,048,116 times
Reputation: 8686
It's definitely a bit improper - unfortunately, I've learned that it really is not possible to have an appopriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex that is not romantic. No matter how it seems to you, it will always be suspicious to those around you, and you can never really be sure what the guy is thinking. One possible solution is to make friends with the wife - although friendship with the wife is certainly no barrier to an affair, it can at least let her feel in the loop and see your relationship for herself. You could invite them to dinner at your house, or see if he can invite her on one of your fishing trips, maybe one where there is something besides fishing to do. He should probably have thought of that himself, and I wonder why he hasn't already done it.
 
Old 05-15-2014, 09:23 AM
 
37,912 posts, read 14,778,477 times
Reputation: 24254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
It's definitely a bit improper - unfortunately, I've learned that it really is not possible to have an appopriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex that is not romantic. No matter how it seems to you, it will always be suspicious to those around you, and you can never really be sure what the guy is thinking. One possible solution is to make friends with the wife - although friendship with the wife is certainly no barrier to an affair, it can at least let her feel in the loop and see your relationship for herself. You could invite them to dinner at your house, or see if he can invite her on one of your fishing trips, maybe one where there is something besides fishing to do. He should probably have thought of that himself, and I wonder why he hasn't already done it.
You can never really be sure what the guy is thinking, but if you guess sex you'll be right 99% of the time.
 
Old 05-15-2014, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,630 posts, read 11,099,092 times
Reputation: 37655
Yep, you may see it as just a fishing friendship, but I GUARANTEE you the old geezer doesn't. We guys get a little strange when we get older, if a younger lady pays any attention to us we begin to think "Hey, maybe I still have it !!!! "

I bet someone will say that "not all old men are that way", but I also bet more are than aren't. Find someone else to dangle the worm with, the current one is going to be a pain in the Bass.

Don
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top