Splitting the bill at dinner with a large group

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by TheShadow

Every year for many years I have been attending a weekend trip with a group of 8-10 ladies. It seems like we have the same issues at dinner every year. They always pick some overpriced, upscale restaurant and there are always people at dinner that order a bunch of things "for the table" that others didn't really want or ask for and then the same people who order this stuff want everyone to split the tab equally or they are surprised when people only put in the amount for what they actually ordered (plus tax and tip of course). Somehow the money is always short and the people who didn't order all this stuff (and didn't eat it either) end up being asked to chip in more money to make up the shortfall. One year, on principle, I refused to be bullied into splitting the tab after several girls ordered $200 worth of wine that I didn't drink a drop of.
This year I traveled clear across the country to attend because I moved away. I had spent over $500 just to be there, so was on a tighter budget than in the past and I ordered a cheaper item on the menu and didn't drink any wine or eat any appetizers or dessert that I didn't order. Once again the bill comes up short after everyone puts in their money. I know it seems like I'm being a tightwad, but I didn't ask for or eat the food and wine, so I really didn't want, and didn't have the cash on hand, to put in for the apps and wine that others ordered and ate. I know the other ladies feel that this is a once a year thing so they just want to splurge and celebrate, but I splurged on my plane tickets and rental car. Is it selfish of me, or acting like a jerk, when I put in the cash just for what I ordered plus 30% for tax and tip??

Then speak to them before going....yanno, if you all ordered seperate checks, those women who go hog wild, with the wine and stuff, would so totally decline...however, you cannot do that....so I would suggest saying before dinner, if you wish to have drinks or wine with dinner, then it's a pay for your own.

I went to NYC once with Ladies from work....and let me tell you, (and here we go again) ladies can be the cheapest! Anyway, same situation, So, when it came to paying our bill, some women didn't leave a tip, which really angered me, cuz I waitressed when I was young...so I antied in more money, but will never do that again.

Once again, before you go next year, speak to the organizer, and have her send around an email to everyone, that this is way above and beyond the norm.....and something should be said....

[Ten Cat]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I don't know why you even bother to subject yourself to them dinners every year. It is obvious it puts you in an awkward position. I don't think you were selfish for what you did, especially since you came from a long way and already incurred great expense for them. I personally think you should forget the dinner next year and every year after. I wouldn't keep friends who subjected me to that. Mine are fine with pizza, wings, and a 6 pack of beer in a basement when we get together.

I had to stop hanging out with a group of people I was friends with because this kind of crap was always happening every time we got together. They wanted to go to places like Morton's, where the the most inexpensive entree was 18 dollars. I'm a Diners, Drive Inns and Dives kinda gal, myself.

OP, I would just stop attending if this is causing you financial hardship.