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There were about 14 of us the other day to meet after work for a "get together" dinner. Two gals finished their meals, each had a couple of drinks, and left the restaurant before the check arrived.
Nice.
While at work, I used to occasionally announce that I was going to "such & such" place for some take out cuisine....."Would anyone like for me to pick something up for them?"
I don't do that anymore, as you folks can probably guess how hard it was to collect the cash.
Awkward.
I would have just taken a copy of the check and at work the next day said to both girls (individually), "Your share of the check from last night came to X." Then just stand there and smile, holding it out for them.
I can't even begin to comprehend ditching out on paying for my share of dinner, especially with people I have to see and work with on a constant basis.
As for the lunch take out, anytime I did that, I would tell people how much they owed before I went, and collect the money before I went to get it. If they tried the whole 'I only have a $20,' I'd say, 'No problem, I'll bring back change.' I made sure to note what each person's total was and how much they gave me so I could give back proper change. That's pretty much how we all did it and there was never any hard feelings. Heck, we'd even occasionally cover each other knowing that we'd get the money within the next few days or that they'd cover us next time.
Wow, saw this and had to comment, wife and I have been in this situation many times with good friends and I cringe at the beginning of every evening out (been awhile now with twins). This is a really tough subject. We generally order a moderate priced dinner and maybe one drink each, where as quite a few people in the group order at the highest price on the menu along with at least 4 or 5 drinks each. Most all the time we wind up kicking in an extra $20 at least.
Been to breakfast with the guys or just a guys dinner and same thing happens.............can't people add up what they had and a 20% tip and kick in?
I am right up front now and ask for separate checks.............I might be cheap but I am not squirming when the single bill comes and everybody starts playing poker
Every year for many years I have been attending a weekend trip with a group of 8-10 ladies. It seems like we have the same issues at dinner every year. They always pick some overpriced, upscale restaurant and there are always people at dinner that order a bunch of things "for the table" that others didn't really want or ask for and then the same people who order this stuff want everyone to split the tab equally or they are surprised when people only put in the amount for what they actually ordered (plus tax and tip of course). Somehow the money is always short and the people who didn't order all this stuff (and didn't eat it either) end up being asked to chip in more money to make up the shortfall. One year, on principle, I refused to be bullied into splitting the tab after several girls ordered $200 worth of wine that I didn't drink a drop of.
This year I traveled clear across the country to attend because I moved away. I had spent over $500 just to be there, so was on a tighter budget than in the past and I ordered a cheaper item on the menu and didn't drink any wine or eat any appetizers or dessert that I didn't order. Once again the bill comes up short after everyone puts in their money. I know it seems like I'm being a tightwad, but I didn't ask for or eat the food and wine, so I really didn't want, and didn't have the cash on hand, to put in for the apps and wine that others ordered and ate. I know the other ladies feel that this is a once a year thing so they just want to splurge and celebrate, but I splurged on my plane tickets and rental car. Is it selfish of me, or acting like a jerk, when I put in the cash just for what I ordered plus 30% for tax and tip??
Not at all. I always do that. I look at the receipt, compute the total price of what I consumed, add to it the tax on that total price based upon the stated tax rate, then 15% or so for tip, and then round up to the nearest whole dollar. That's what I throw in. I've never had a problem operating like that. If anyone else doesn't want to do those calculations, I'll do them for that person.
There were about 14 of us the other day to meet after work for a "get together" dinner. Two gals finished their meals, each had a couple of drinks, and left the restaurant before the check arrived.
Honestly, I find this mind-boggling! Why would they think that everyone else was picking up their tab? But also, why on earth didn't someone SAY something to them before they left?
I don't know why you even bother to subject yourself to them dinners every year. It is obvious it puts you in an awkward position. I don't think you were selfish for what you did, especially since you came from a long way and already incurred great expense for them. I personally think you should forget the dinner next year and every year after. I wouldn't keep friends who subjected me to that. Mine are fine with pizza, wings, and a 6 pack of beer in a basement when we get together.
+1. And +1 more. You only see them once a year, so they aren't in your life much anyway. It's difficult for you to afford. The situation makes you angry. So blow it off.
Every year for many years I have been attending a weekend trip with a group of 8-10 ladies. It seems like we have the same issues at dinner every year. They always pick some overpriced, upscale restaurant and there are always people at dinner that order a bunch of things "for the table" that others didn't really want or ask for and then the same people who order this stuff want everyone to split the tab equally or they are surprised when people only put in the amount for what they actually ordered (plus tax and tip of course). Somehow the money is always short and the people who didn't order all this stuff (and didn't eat it either) end up being asked to chip in more money to make up the shortfall. One year, on principle, I refused to be bullied into splitting the tab after several girls ordered $200 worth of wine that I didn't drink a drop of.
This year I traveled clear across the country to attend because I moved away. I had spent over $500 just to be there, so was on a tighter budget than in the past and I ordered a cheaper item on the menu and didn't drink any wine or eat any appetizers or dessert that I didn't order. Once again the bill comes up short after everyone puts in their money. I know it seems like I'm being a tightwad, but I didn't ask for or eat the food and wine, so I really didn't want, and didn't have the cash on hand, to put in for the apps and wine that others ordered and ate. I know the other ladies feel that this is a once a year thing so they just want to splurge and celebrate, but I splurged on my plane tickets and rental car. Is it selfish of me, or acting like a jerk, when I put in the cash just for what I ordered plus 30% for tax and tip??
From your description of their behavior in regards to ordering food and then asking for more money from others so they don't have to pay for all of it, those ladies are the ones who sound like cheapskates taking advantage of others, and as such, they sound like the jerks. IMO it's common sense, and common consideration, that when one orders drinks, those drinking pay for them, and those who haven't shouldn't be expected to subsidize those that have.
I have family members who at like this, but my long-time friends don't. It's always been customary that when we meet with friends, no matter how large the group is, we ask for separate checks, and that's worked out well. In fact, in the community we live in now, my husband and I often meet with a number of other couples for meals and gatherings, and it's customary to ask for a separate check for each couple- even when the seating sometimes tends to be ladies with the ladies, and the men at the other end of the table. I'd think that could be a pain in the neck for the waitresses, but they've been good sports about it. And we tip generously, for their trouble.
Talk to the person who coordinates the trip and location. Have a conversation about it then.
I often went to dinner every weekend with a rather large group of people. It always worked without a hitch. Separate checks, unless you brought a date then that was your responsibility too.
On occasion one of the gentlemen wanted to save himself a trip to the ATM and we paid him and he put the whole thing on his American Express giving him cash flow for the night.
Out of all of my friends there is only one who I do "This is my turn, you get next time." And we do trade off back and forth without a problem and we've been doing it for years - I trust no one else to do this.
One other thing you could do is trade off who picks the restaurant.
Bottom line - never, never ever split an entire table evenly. Someone always gets screwed. If you decide to go this next dinner just simply say at the table, "I'm sorry but I can't do the tab split this year."
We've done all of the above, ie, separate checks, cash to someone who wants the cash flow so will pay the whole bill with a credit card. We've split the tab evenly only when it's a couple people, we forgot to ask for separate checks, and it's pretty obvious our separate bills were about the same. The idea, I think, is to ensure that not one of your friends gets shorted.
But I have family members who I swear, are looking for ways to see if they can get other members of the group to lets say, "subsidize" their meal costs. I had an uncle who would insist on taking the entire bill at a family get-together at a restaurant, looking at it, and then telling each person/couple what they owed for the bill. But when he did so, he didn't include himself or his wife or family in dividing up the bill- figuring, I guess, that others should pay for theirs. I remember my Dad would get so mad at him for doing this, but my uncle denied vehemently that he was trying not to pay for his family's meals, and his wife would go after my Dad. We got so we elected not to attend those family get-togethers, at least not at restaurants.
Then there are the family members who conveniently forget their wallets, or for some reason discover they're short of cash- when the bill comes...
So now you also get to criticize what people eat, along with their lack of desire to contribute money to what other people ate and drank?
Calm down.
No, I go out to dinner with a group of FRIENDS.
This means we all know each other's financial situations, roughly.
Which means that sometimes I pick up the lion's share of the bill, next time my other friends will.
It's called COMMON SENSE and it's what civilised people do.
Mind you, Australians have an unwritten law about "shouts" so maybe that's why I find it all so simple and y'all find it all so stressful.
The unwritten rule regarding shouting your friends is - DO NOT ACCEPT IF YOU CAN'T/WON'T RETURN THE FAVOR.
In my world, I do not go to fancy azz dinners with strangers then expect to pay for them/them to pay for me.
In my world, I go to dinner with FRIENDS who understand my financial situation and are fine about shouting me, because they want my company and they KNOW they will get it back, ten fold.
It's called FRIENDSHIP, Australian style.
Don't forget, we are a socialist country. We don't believe in leaving the poor out in the rain.
We don't believe in bitching about restaurant bills and who had what wine at how much a glass.
We go out for a GOOD TIME and financial navel gazing is the absolute nemesis of having a good time.
This means we all know each other's financial situations, roughly.
Which means that sometimes I pick up the lion's share of the bill, next time my other friends will.
It's called COMMON SENSE and it's what civilised people do.
Mind you, Australians have an unwritten law about "shouts" so maybe that's why I find it all so simple and y'all find it all so stressful.
The unwritten rule regarding shouting your friends is - DO NOT ACCEPT IF YOU CAN'T/WON'T RETURN THE FAVOR.
In my world, I do not go to fancy azz dinners with strangers then expect to pay for them/them to pay for me.
In my world, I go to dinner with FRIENDS who understand my financial situation and are fine about shouting me, because they want my company and they KNOW they will get it back, ten fold.
It's called FRIENDSHIP, Australian style.
Don't forget, we are a socialist country. We don't believe in leaving the poor out in the rain.
We don't believe in bitching about restaurant bills and who had what wine at how much a glass.
We go out for a GOOD TIME and financial navel gazing is the absolute nemesis of having a good time.
I think you're missing the point, from one Aussie to another. No one is offering to shout anyone else in the OPs situation. The problem is that the OP can reasonably only afford to pay for what she ate and drank but the expectation from her "friends," is to split the bill evenly which would mean she's paying into another $200+ on the bill. Splitting the bill isn't a phenomenon unique to the USA, either. She doesn't want anyone to pay for her, just to not have to pay more than she can afford above and beyond what she owes.
What's the point of the OP saying, "Err guys, I'm kind of tight on cash right now so can only afford to pay for what I ate and drank," and her friends saying, "Oh that's alright, we'll shout your share of the drinks you didn't drink! No worries mate, you can get us back next time."
Oh plus - if you HAVE to split the bill - can't y'all do simple sums?
I had the salad at $5 and three glasses of wine @ $3 so here's my $14.
What's so hard about that?
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I would have just taken a copy of the check and at work the next day said to both girls (individually), "Your share of the check from last night came to X." Then just stand there and smile, holding it out for them.
). This is a really tough subject. We generally order a moderate priced dinner and maybe one drink each, where as quite a few people in the group order at the highest price on the menu along with at least 4 or 5 drinks each. Most all the time we wind up kicking in an extra $20 at least.
