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Old 05-20-2014, 10:56 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,633,057 times
Reputation: 41117

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Iím not sure what it is Iím looking for but I am bored with my life and I donít feel content. It was my choice to stick around but I really canít help feeling like I must be missing out on something.
You are missing out on something: your life as an adult.

Right now, you are still a child living at home with your parents, and they are dictating your life to you.

Dump the "older guy that they adore"; they are using him as an extra trap to keep you close.

Get yourself an apartment with a roommate if you have to.

Go!
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:00 PM
 
134 posts, read 186,760 times
Reputation: 120
Im the op, i wrote this in because i guess i felt stuck in this situation and i just am afraid to disappoint people and their expectations of me. I was starting to accept that this is just the way it is for me. Im getting pressure from family and church folks to get married and give my mother grandchildren since I'm 25. I was feeling like the time for me to leave was gone and i should just go along with what is expected of me.
I liked the suggestion of finding a fun youthful job but that's hard to do when I'm expected to go to church on the weekends and such a job would would probably require that i work in the weekends.
Anyway its nice to get some outside perspective to help me remember that. Im not stuck here but i do need to put in a plan in action to start to live my life.
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:02 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,631,923 times
Reputation: 46005
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Im the op, i wrote this in because i guess i felt stuck in this situation and i just am afraid to disappoint people and their expectations of me. I was starting to accept that this is just the way it is for me. Im getting pressure from family and church folks to get married and give my mother grandchildren since I'm 25. I was feeling like the time for me to leave was gone and i should just go along with what is expected of me.
I liked the suggestion of finding a fun youthful job but that's hard to do when I'm expected to go to church on the weekends and such a job would would probably require that i work in the weekends.
Anyway its nice to get some outside perspective to help me remember that. Im not stuck here but i do need to put in a plan in action to start to live my life.
Never live your life for the satisfaction of others. It's the quickest route to unhappiness there is.
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Old 05-23-2014, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,941 posts, read 17,243,367 times
Reputation: 40988
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Im the op, i wrote this in because i guess i felt stuck in this situation and i just am afraid to disappoint people and their expectations of me. I was starting to accept that this is just the way it is for me. Im getting pressure from family and church folks to get married and give my mother grandchildren since I'm 25. I was feeling like the time for me to leave was gone and i should just go along with what is expected of me.
Speaking from the point of view of someone who married at age 25 (after dating my best friend off and on for 8 years) and had my children at age 31 and 35. IMHO, you should not be bowing to parental pressure to "get married" and certainly not just to "give your mother grandchildren".

If you love someone and want to get married and you want to have a child that is fine, but don't do it because of pressure from others.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post

I liked the suggestion of finding a fun youthful job but that's hard to do when I'm expected to go to church on the weekends and such a job would probably require that i work in the weekends.
Anyway its nice to get some outside perspective to help me remember that. Im not stuck here but i do need to put in a plan in action to start to live my life.
You are a 25 year old adult. If you decide that it is in your best interest (working towards your life goals) to not attend church on Sunday, or to attend a different service than your family it is your decision. If your family pressures you to attend multiple services each weekend, as an adult you can decide to attend church with them or not to attend.

Look at it this way. Let's say you lived 1,000 miles away from your family, would you attend church the same amount as your parents "expect" you to attend when you live with them? Perhaps that is the way to decide how much church is the appropriate amount of church for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Never live your life for the satisfaction of others. It's the quickest route to unhappiness there is.
I agree.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:41 PM
 
3,251 posts, read 4,459,013 times
Reputation: 4901
I don't know if it will be much fun considering how you were raised. You would be going against your own nature, and probably feel guilty. The grass is always greener on the other side, but it doesn't always work out that way. Only after a few disasters will that be made clear. I've watched as my friends kids move on and out of church, and ended up in one problem after another. As they age they are coming back but at what price? I would really caution you to rethink your freedom. Its natural to want to move out and grow up but does it have to be all or none? Do you think it's necessary to have the same level of stories as proof of growing up? Can't you move out and live your life and continue in your religious upbringing?
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:41 PM
 
35,120 posts, read 40,064,647 times
Reputation: 62035
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Im the op, i wrote this in because i guess i felt stuck in this situation and i just am afraid to disappoint people and their expectations of me. I was starting to accept that this is just the way it is for me. Im getting pressure from family and church folks to get married and give my mother grandchildren since I'm 25. I was feeling like the time for me to leave was gone and i should just go along with what is expected of me.
I liked the suggestion of finding a fun youthful job but that's hard to do when I'm expected to go to church on the weekends and such a job would would probably require that i work in the weekends.
Anyway its nice to get some outside perspective to help me remember that. Im not stuck here but i do need to put in a plan in action to start to live my life.
You are not required nor obligated to give your Mother grandchildren, that is not her choice it is yours alone.
You need to set boundries for your life and if one of those is not going to church with your parents, they cannot actually force you to go, you are of legal age.
Giving in to what others think is right for you rarely works out. You end up doing what you don't want to do then resent them for "forcing" you to do it even though it is actually your choice how to live your life.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:45 PM
 
35,120 posts, read 40,064,647 times
Reputation: 62035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayekaye View Post
I don't know if it will be much fun considering how you were raised. You would be going against your own nature, and probably feel guilty. The grass is always greener on the other side, but it doesn't always work out that way. Only after a few disasters will that be made clear. I've watched as my friends kids move on and out of church, and ended up in one problem after another. As they age they are coming back but at what price? I would really caution you to rethink your freedom. Its natural to want to move out and grow up but does it have to be all or none? Do you think it's necessary to have the same level of stories as proof of growing up? Can't you move out and live your life and continue in your religious upbringing?

Really? Why?
Because others who have "strayed" have gotten into trouble?
Do you still live with your parents?
Did you do exactly as your parents told you to do after the age of 18?
Do you think it is a good thing to not go out and have life experiences, even with all the unpleasant things that can and do happen?

So what happens when she is 40 has no life experience has always done what her parents told her to do and they die? What does she do then?
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Old 05-24-2014, 01:59 AM
 
18,303 posts, read 23,445,474 times
Reputation: 34251
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Im the op, i wrote this in because i guess i felt stuck in this situation and i just am afraid to disappoint people and their expectations of me. I was starting to accept that this is just the way it is for me. Im getting pressure from family and church folks to get married and give my mother grandchildren since I'm 25. I was feeling like the time for me to leave was gone and i should just go along with what is expected of me.
I liked the suggestion of finding a fun youthful job but that's hard to do when I'm expected to go to church on the weekends and such a job would would probably require that i work in the weekends.
Anyway its nice to get some outside perspective to help me remember that. Im not stuck here but i do need to put in a plan in action to start to live my life.
be a part time bartender

that'll get you in the midst and witness what you think you are missing firsthand, and get paid for it..


every one of us, has to steer our own ship, not wallow in the currents of others, you sound like you have a great big heart- which is awesome, but you do need to look thru your own eyes, not live in the reflection of everyone elses..

Last edited by mainebrokerman; 05-24-2014 at 02:07 AM..
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Old 05-24-2014, 07:22 AM
 
134 posts, read 186,760 times
Reputation: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayekaye View Post
I don't know if it will be much fun considering how you were raised. You would be going against your own nature, and probably feel guilty. The grass is always greener on the other side, but it doesn't always work out that way. Only after a few disasters will that be made clear. I've watched as my friends kids move on and out of church, and ended up in one problem after another. As they age they are coming back but at what price? I would really caution you to rethink your freedom. Its natural to want to move out and grow up but does it have to be all or none? Do you think it's necessary to have the same level of stories as proof of growing up? Can't you move out and live your life and continue in your religious upbringing?
Well this kind of reasoning is exactly what has made me afraid to leave. Actually, i thought more people would say something like this. Not only do i feel like leaving would be against my nature because of how i was raised, but I'm also a shy and reserved person. I'm not sure how happy i would be going somewhere alone, where i don't know anyone, away from family and friends. Ideally, id find a good job somewhere. Id move there, make friends at my new job or in my new community, and be happier and independent. This should be simple to do but what if instead of this, i just get lonely, and more unhappy then before? Its a risk but maybe it's a worthwhile risk... there's no way to know. I don't know that moving out of the house and living in close proximity would do much. I've done this before and ended up moving back home after only a few months. I wasnt saving money and i still had to go to church. Its just hard for me to distance myself from people at church. The pastor thinks I'm a role model, the younger kids look up to me and older people love me. My family is respected in the congregation. I really don't know how to leave. I think it needs to be a new environment to kind of start over.

Last edited by mizzlea; 05-24-2014 at 07:31 AM..
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Old 05-24-2014, 09:07 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,631,923 times
Reputation: 46005
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
Well this kind of reasoning is exactly what has made me afraid to leave. Actually, i thought more people would say something like this. Not only do i feel like leaving would be against my nature because of how i was raised, but I'm also a shy and reserved person. I'm not sure how happy i would be going somewhere alone, where i don't know anyone, away from family and friends. Ideally, id find a good job somewhere. Id move there, make friends at my new job or in my new community, and be happier and independent. This should be simple to do but what if instead of this, i just get lonely, and more unhappy then before? Its a risk but maybe it's a worthwhile risk... there's no way to know. I don't know that moving out of the house and living in close proximity would do much. I've done this before and ended up moving back home after only a few months. I wasnt saving money and i still had to go to church. Its just hard for me to distance myself from people at church. The pastor thinks I'm a role model, the younger kids look up to me and older people love me. My family is respected in the congregation. I really don't know how to leave. I think it needs to be a new environment to kind of start over.

Quit with the navel gazing. All you're doing is wasting time.

If you didn't want to do this, you wouldn't have posted here. And obsessing on everything that could go wrong if you move out is just, well, daft. Hell, a meteor could strike the earth. A swarm of killer bees. Mad cow disease. Otherwise, it's up to you. You yourself will determine if you make friends or not.

All I have to say is that you will really hate yourself if you're 30 years old and still living under your parents' roof and haven't done any of the things you really wanted to do. Then suddenly all that "role model" crap will be cold consolation.

So do you believe in yourself or not? If you have the requisite courage to try this, then do it. If you don't, then don't come back here in five years resenting your parents, your pastor, or the world. Because you willingly chose to remain in a prison cell of your own making. And ignore KayeKaye's advice, which strikes me as nothing more than justifying fear. If you don't try this for a couple of years, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

Sorry. I don't mean to sound harsh. But you really need to understand that all that role model crap, all that overbearing parent crap, and all that uncertainty crap is just that. Crap. Just get out there and be a real adult in the world. Everybody else has managed to do it. It's your turn now.
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