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Old 05-20-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: USA
6,220 posts, read 5,325,369 times
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The friends I had are practically all gone now. They all slowly migrated off various major cities to start their careers and families which would have been impossible if they stayed in this small town. Having dropped out of community college and ending up working low wages I doubt I'd have much in common with any of them today. I do enjoy the peace that solitude brings me. I have to put up with difficult people everyday at work so I'd much rather be alone nowadays.
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Old 05-20-2014, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
445 posts, read 1,241,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CountryGirl2b= View Post
It has been my experience that one tends to call coworkers and parents of their children's friends, FRIENDS. Even though when you leave a job, you don't hear much from those coworkers and when your kids grow up, you don't often keep in touch with those parents.

Read an article once that said the average person in the US in 2004 had just TWO really close friends.

And those 'friends' on Facebook???
This makes sense to me. I find that many, if not most, friendships are situational. Co-workers, neighbors, parents of kids' friends - it's hard to stay in touch once circumstances change, despite good intentions. My husband and I had a wide circle of friends when our kids were young 15-20 years ago - we all had kids the same age and used to have parties, go camping, go out to dinner together, etc. There's only one other couple from that time that I would consider friends today - we are in casual contact with a few others.

I think that to have a lot of friends, it's necessary to continue making an effort to meet new people and I have to admit that as I've gotten older, my interest in making new friends has decreased. I have my husband, my grown kids and a couple of friends - that's good enough for me. However, if anything happened to my husband, I would probably be forced to join some kind of activities to avoid turning into a hermit! My mother was really good at keeping friendships - she had a group of old lady friends and they'd go to restaurants, movies, theatre and nature walks - that kind of thing. But my mother was widowed for 40 years, so she had to carve out a social life for herself.
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Old 05-21-2014, 04:41 AM
 
Location: sumter
8,493 posts, read 5,314,822 times
Reputation: 6564
Quote:
Originally Posted by cancerous View Post
Disagree, you can loan money to someone, just don't have any expectations of getting it back!!! This means that you should only loan out money if you have it to give away!
But this could still cause hard feeling. Even though you are giving it away, you gave it away based on a loan. You may not be expecting it back, but just the thought of a friend or family member used the word loan, then make absolutely no attempt to ever pay you back. That would bother me and I couldn't totally overlook it.
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:58 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,098 posts, read 34,524,599 times
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I think that when lending money to family or friends, it's important to take the time to examine the reason for the need for a loan and then to set up a reasonable and realistic repayment plan. And... also to take an item of value as collateral. And if they don't have collateral, then they would have to ask a family member to do so.

If the person needing the money has no ability to pay back the money on a schedule or nothing of equal value to give as collateral, then I'd not recommend extending a loan. There's just no point in throwing your good hard-earned money at a bad situation.
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Old 05-22-2014, 12:28 AM
 
82 posts, read 102,890 times
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the only friends i need are fwb.
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Old 05-22-2014, 12:05 PM
 
635 posts, read 689,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wartrace View Post
I had a falling out with a "friend" I had known for 30 years recently. After the incident he tried to reconnect but I had reviewed our "friendship" and realized it was always about what I could do for him. I saw no benefit for me to continue. The guy is dead to me.

I let go of a friendship I have had for several years when I realized that if it wasn't me doing the calling and visiting, I wouldn't hear from them. The majority of the times I did receive calls from this person was when they needed advice about cosmetics and medicine, or when they needed a favor with their children.
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Old 05-30-2014, 11:31 PM
 
146 posts, read 158,701 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
There are givers in life and there are takers,

befriend the givers, let the takers go
Amen!
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Old 06-01-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Logan Township, Minnesota
15,511 posts, read 13,217,398 times
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One learns the value of a friend after the friend is gone.

Sadly, that statement is very often true. I had just received word the last of my childhood friends has now left. I have not seen him since 1959 and now I look back and see he was a real friend.

How many times over the years I had said, next year I will go visit him.
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Old 06-02-2014, 07:49 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,271,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by civic94 View Post
im in my late 20's, and in the past few years i have slowly burned quite a few bridges with people that i call "friends", and i have heard it in the past, as someone gets older, the only people that matters is their kids and family. some of these friends that i have burned bridges with are pretty much involves money, once i loan money out i usually loose both the money and the friendship. anyways my latest cut off with a friend is over money, and right now i kind of get it where people normally need you when you have something, and when i need help nobody is around except for 1 person, and if theyre really busy, then im screwed. i have been stabbed in the back enough where now i see that my next phase in life is just to be with my future family, kids, and work, stay financially above water, and thats it.

I still have 1 good friend that wont stab my back, weve been thru alot together, and a long distance friend that i had known since we were kids. the rest is just come and go, back stab, or they moved on with life. i know im not perfect but when things involve money or favors and all it takes is 1 wrong word, its much better to let go and just move on. before i want to have as many friends as possible, and now i just feel like i dont even care anymore, i dont want to waste my time and all i really need is 1 close friend to get or give help. usually when i meet someone we have something in common, and other than that after a year or 2, i can see deeper into people after i get to know them personally, and most are somewhat selfish, greedy, have their own issues, have to deal with their life problems, and sooner or later i get sucked into their world and its hard to get out of it (such as them going thru a death of a family, sick, financial problem where they might get homeless) and its very hard for me to just walk away from it since some of the times when im with them i do feel their pain as if it was mines.

so for folks who are older than me, what advice do you have to give me? im happy with my 2 close friends now and i know maybe that might change in the future but im much wiser now than 3 years ago. but still i cant live life having a wall aorund me to not trust anyone i see, and i cant live my life meeting new people and trusting them really fast only to get burned.
I think, for a lot of us, experience teaches us to value quality over quantity. Family is important, but friendships also matter.

Your situation sounds more like one of being burned too often, so it really doesn't compare. You had some pretty crappy people in your life. You are the common denominator there. That doesn't mean you asked for it or deserved it. It's just means you have to work on whatever it is that drew you to these folks so you can avoid these types, like "trusting them really fast" and, perhaps, trusting them even when they gave you reason not to. The two often go hand in hand. But, you're right, that wall you've built isn't going to work for you long term. The good ones will see that and avoid you like the plague. And it's not fair to expect your family to meet all of your needs.
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Old 06-02-2014, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,903 posts, read 5,250,603 times
Reputation: 17796
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post

To younger people I say this. If you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with somebody don't be so hung up on sexual compatibility as much as social compatibility. If you like to entertain and he is a loner--believe me you will not change him. if he is the life of the party and you are shy this will come to be a big obstacle in the future. If you like having your friends around you and he likes all his time only with you this will not bode well for the future.

This is great advice!
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