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im in my late 20's, and in the past few years i have slowly burned quite a few bridges with people that i call "friends", and i have heard it in the past, as someone gets older, the only people that matters is their kids and family. some of these friends that i have burned bridges with are pretty much involves money, once i loan money out i usually loose both the money and the friendship. anyways my latest cut off with a friend is over money, and right now i kind of get it where people normally need you when you have something, and when i need help nobody is around except for 1 person, and if theyre really busy, then im screwed. i have been stabbed in the back enough where now i see that my next phase in life is just to be with my future family, kids, and work, stay financially above water, and thats it.
I still have 1 good friend that wont stab my back, weve been thru alot together, and a long distance friend that i had known since we were kids. the rest is just come and go, back stab, or they moved on with life. i know im not perfect but when things involve money or favors and all it takes is 1 wrong word, its much better to let go and just move on. before i want to have as many friends as possible, and now i just feel like i dont even care anymore, i dont want to waste my time and all i really need is 1 close friend to get or give help. usually when i meet someone we have something in common, and other than that after a year or 2, i can see deeper into people after i get to know them personally, and most are somewhat selfish, greedy, have their own issues, have to deal with their life problems, and sooner or later i get sucked into their world and its hard to get out of it (such as them going thru a death of a family, sick, financial problem where they might get homeless) and its very hard for me to just walk away from it since some of the times when im with them i do feel their pain as if it was mines.
so for folks who are older than me, what advice do you have to give me? im happy with my 2 close friends now and i know maybe that might change in the future but im much wiser now than 3 years ago. but still i cant live life having a wall aorund me to not trust anyone i see, and i cant live my life meeting new people and trusting them really fast only to get burned.
The lesson learned about not loaning money to family or friends is always a tough one and always causes hard feelings and loss.
Be more cautious with your trust, give the friendship time to evolve and grow naturally and do not loan money to anyone, it rarely ends well.
Disagree, you can loan money to someone, just don't have any expectations of getting it back!!! This means that you should only loan out money if you have it to give away!
It seems to be somewhat natural. When we're younger with less responsibilities it seems to be much easier to have more friends, you get older, get a family and more work responsibilities it just seems like the efforts to maintain friendships gets harder and harder.
It can be done though if an effort is put out.
I find that when I do have down time, I want to spend it quietly with my SO, for me, it seems like there is too much drama with the friends we've had in the past, we actually stopped hanging out with another couple because of the drama either between them or the wife and her immediate family.
Basically to me, maintaining friendships can be too exhausting....
When you get older you start to look for quality rather than quantity in your friendships. It isn't how many people you know it is what kind of people you surround yourself with. My personal take on this is..
1) be the kind of friend that you would like to have.
2) Cultivate relationships with people who have qualities you would like to develop in yourself or who are working to develop those kinds of qualities. People who also are working to become better people.
3) learn to tell the difference between being a freind and being a tool.
I am 44 and currently have more and better real friends than at any other point in my life. When I raised my standards and refused to accept less I started meeting better people. Meeting better people helped me to become a better person. This in turn led me to some pretty amazing life changes.
When you are young friendship is about popularity. When you get older you start to understand that friendship is about much much more....
And 4) never lend money that you can't afford to just give. In fact just give them the money if you have it to give. No strings and no expectations of reciprocation. There is a lot of freedom in giving without expecting to receive. But then also be honest ad if you ca't afford to give it the just say no. A real freind will understand.
im in my late 20's, and in the past few years i have slowly burned quite a few bridges with people that i call "friends", and i have heard it in the past, as someone gets older, the only people that matters is their kids and family.
Not my experience at all.
While I treasure my kids and my family, I also have a great group of friends.
I actually have more time, now that I am in my 50s, to cultivate great friendships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by civic94
some of these friends that i have burned bridges with are pretty much involves money, once i loan money out i usually loose both the money and the friendship.
I have never, ever had a friend ask me for money. I am surprised that you have had many...
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