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Old 05-19-2014, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,696 posts, read 4,066,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I don't think there's anything weird about it. Seems she's not interested in sports so she may feel left out if you're joining the guys' conversations about sports. Has she ever mentioned that she has no interest in sports? Maybe next time someone can start a conversation where everyone can be involved?

When hubby and I go out with our friends (another couple), we usually across from them and the conversation is sometimes 2-way and sometimes 4-way. Depends on what's being discussed.

There's a couple that lives next door to us. They're a few years older than hubby and myself and we're very friendly with them as well. Sometimes the wife will jump in and start asking me about something if I'm talking to the guys. I honestly feel if that person has no interest in whatever everyone else is talking about, they tend to try to get the attention back from the other female friend--but just so they're not left out.
Well, I get that but I tend to think that jumping in and hijacking the conversation so you don't feel left out is rude. I think there are other ways to feel included...especially if you see your other same gender friend is interested in the current conversation. I'm just one of those people who enjoy hearing ALL the comments...oh, there are times when I feel left out, but then, there will be a point where I feel I can contribute so I do. Or I might wait for a chance to direct it another way...it usually goes pretty well. But interrupting and hijacking don't interest me.

And that's not to say it doesn't happen (2-way or 4-way convos) but generally, we try to get on topics that are interesting to most of us...if it does go in another direction, then I'm usually comfortable enough with those folks to go do something else...like make dinner, or coffee...but that's usually at home.
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Old 05-19-2014, 03:07 PM
 
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Sometimes I think it's because women get together in groups more often than men do so maybe for the guys it's their first time in a while being with other guys in a social setting. Whereas for the women it's more 'business as usual.'
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Old 05-19-2014, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinyday View Post
When I tried to join in on the boys' discussion of sports, I could see she wanted to get me back talking to her as she kept talking to me about other things.
Perhaps she has no interest in sports and didn't want to be left a silent outsider while everyone else talked sports? I have zero interest in sports and I find it rather boring to politely listen to sports discussions.

If you would really like more 4-way conversations in future, you'll probably have to think of topics that you know both of them are interested in discussing. I guess to do that, you and your husband will have to get to know the husband a little better.
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Old 05-19-2014, 07:49 PM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,705,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinyday View Post
I recently became friendly with a woman who is about 15 years older than me (I am early 50s, she is mid 60s). We hit it off from the start and have enjoyed spending time together.


So, we decided to get together as couples, bringing along our husbands. The interactions were interesting. Instead of having a 4 way conversation, there were 2 conversations ongoing at all times. She talked to me, and her husband talked to mine. When I tried to join in on the boys' discussion of sports, I could see she wanted to get me back talking to her as she kept talking to me about other things.

We have never had this experienceóit typically is a 4 way conversationwith another couple, with periods of 2 way conversations. DH and I spoke about it when we got home. It was weird, but we both got along well. and want to try another night out with them.

Are we weird or this not so uncommon? Not sure if the age difference has anythingto do with it, or if itís just different personalities.

Can I change the dynamic or do I need to get used to this?

Curious to hear otherís thoughts.
It depends upon the people. If your husband is a "man's man" and so is your friend's husband, chances are, they won't want to talk about what y'all like. There's an episode of "I Love Lucy" (1950's) which focuses on this very topic... and many more that focus on the common differences between men and women.

Now, that being said, I've never had this issue unless the ladies are talking about things from their past that I wouldn't understand because I wasn't there with them. When my wife gets together with her best friend of ~20 years, I usually come along but it tends to end up with me talking to the best friend's husband about "man things" while the women talk about what happened to the people they used to go to school with. That's a different animal. If it's me in there with a bunch of women, I'm fine with it. I'll take in anything I hear even if I don't do it myself - for instance, not long ago I was in on a conversation between my wife and another lady wherein they talked about crocheting. It's gibberish to me, as I have never crocheted. But who knows, someday I might. It's something my wife loves, so I may as well learn a bit about it even if I never do it. That way I can always be part of her world.

My advice to you is this - get used to it, or you and your new friend should talk with your husbands about what it would take to keep the men around so that it is a four-way conversation. You may have to talk about football and they may have to talk about interior design. It may be that type of compromise. But, if y'all want to do it, it can be done. Besides, some laughs can come from it. I couldn't tell you how many laughs I've gotten from looking like a total idiot when trying to talk about something my wife was talking about with someone else, about which I had zero knowledge. I try not to laugh at my wife when she does the same thing but sometimes I can't help it. Whatever helps you get a laugh can't be all bad.
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Old 05-22-2014, 06:08 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,429,763 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Hmmm... Sounds like something that would happen down South.
This is a strange comment. What do you mean?
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Old 05-22-2014, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,735,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
Well, I get that but I tend to think that jumping in and hijacking the conversation so you don't feel left out is rude. I think there are other ways to feel included...especially if you see your other same gender friend is interested in the current conversation. I'm just one of those people who enjoy hearing ALL the comments...oh, there are times when I feel left out, but then, there will be a point where I feel I can contribute so I do. Or I might wait for a chance to direct it another way...it usually goes pretty well. But interrupting and hijacking don't interest me.

And that's not to say it doesn't happen (2-way or 4-way convos) but generally, we try to get on topics that are interesting to most of us...if it does go in another direction, then I'm usually comfortable enough with those folks to go do something else...like make dinner, or coffee...but that's usually at home.

I absolutely agree. Sometimes the husband shoots her a look and you can see he's kind of annoyed with her jumping in like that. I just kinda laugh about it inside lol
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