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Thanks, all my male friends moved hours away, so it's tough. Have not met anyone really worth getting to know. I changed my life around this past year and haven't met too many new people. I have high expectations and am very picky with people, so that makes it even harder. Having an old jr/high school buddy around was nice, but I'm just sick of him doing this and agree with you guys about making new buds.
I was just wondering if anyone else had gone through this, and if so is there any help? We have fun hanging out and stuff, but once he finds a girl he likes it is like we aren't friends at all and he doesn't realize he CHOOSES to not hang out with me, he thinks it is me not wanting to.
Yes, people do this, some more than others. Single people historically have difficulties fitting in with couples. My advice to you is to find new friends to hang out with and just assume that when your buddy has a girlfriend, he is not going to be available for you to hang out with.
He sound insecure to me. If he can't relax and go out with his friends while she does the same, he has the problem, not her.
It could be a result of his abusive marriage, but he might need some help. He'll never have a healthy relationship if he continues acting like this.
Who knows what his problems are? Why sit around analyzing them. People are the way they are. Hungry for Cheese needs to find new ways to occupy his time. You can't change other people, and trying to figure them out is about as big a time waster.
Greenie, the weird thing was at first, we would all go out...him and her, and myself and a girl I am seeing casually. But then it stopped. The girl I'm dating can't figure it out and we go about our lives.
Pirate, I think he does need help. He tried marriage counseling and it didn't work. I think he thinks he can't have a life outside his relationship because it will upset the girl, and if she has to work or go out with family/friends, leaving him alone, he feels he is not allowed to enjoy his life without her...lol.
I've kind of written him off already, just wanted to see if anyone had input or stories to share.
Greenie, the weird thing was at first, we would all go out...him and her, and myself and a girl I am seeing casually. But then it stopped. The girl I'm dating can't figure it out and we go about our lives.
Pirate, I think he does need help. He tried marriage counseling and it didn't work. I think he thinks he can't have a life outside his relationship because it will upset the girl, and if she has to work or go out with family/friends, leaving him alone, he feels he is not allowed to enjoy his life without her...lol.
I've kind of written him off already, just wanted to see if anyone had input or stories to share.
In our situation, it was the same way....we all hung out, then she just went psycho and told him he couldn't spend any time with his friends anymore. See if this sounds fishy:
I'd been dating DH for about 3 or 4 months, psycho had been dating his friend for about the same, just a couple weeks longer. We all went to a mutual friend's apartment. While walking up the stairs, psycho says to me, "you know, it seems as though DH is taking advantage of you."
???
Come to find out years later that she was attracted to DH and initially kept dating DH's friend because she thought she could eventually develop a relationship with DH. She got p i s s y because he started dating me.
I understand it goes both ways. But he has free time, he simply chooses to spend it with her. Which is fine with me because my life goes on and I am busy too. But to come at me as if it is my fault.
Last weekend he called and called and wanted to go out. So I finished my homework and called him up to hang out and he shot down my offers. HE couldn't come up with any ideas and kinda hinted towards not wanting to go out anymore. I asked him why and he said he felt scared about the relationship, if it was going to work. It seems as if he couldn't function knowing she was away from him doing as she pleased with her friends or something. It ruined a possible good time for him....that's how it is for him. Sad
I guess the thing that bothers me is the fact I bend over backwards when he needs emotional support or help moving or whatever. But whenever I need something he is never there because he chooses a girl he barely met, instead of a friend of over 10 years. It's not nice knowing you can't count on someone who could be your bestfriend.
Sounds like your friend needs to seek counseling for his abandonment issues. You can still be his friend and be supportive of him, but I'd find other friends to hang out with if I were you.
In our situation, it was the same way....we all hung out, then she just went psycho and told him he couldn't spend any time with his friends anymore. See if this sounds fishy:
I'd been dating DH for about 3 or 4 months, psycho had been dating his friend for about the same, just a couple weeks longer. We all went to a mutual friend's apartment. While walking up the stairs, psycho says to me, "you know, it seems as though DH is taking advantage of you."
???
Come to find out years later that she was attracted to DH and initially kept dating DH's friend because she thought she could eventually develop a relationship with DH. She got p i s s y because he started dating me.
I will never understand women like this.
Actually, the last night we went out....weeks ago. They came over to my house, from a nearby party. We were planning on hanging out, but we chatted outside for a while to catch up. She was drunk and obnoxious(my buddys new girl) and he was buzzing too. But she was talking about playing strip poker and being crazy, because she was drunk. Then she walked over to me and asked me for my phone number, in a way that didn't sound too innocent, but who knows. I felt uncomfortable, the girl I am dating got pissed and my buddy was like "what the hell do you want his number for?".
Maybe that's why they don't come around...he fears she is interested? Or I will go behind his back...lol. I tried contacting her about the issue of not hanging out anymore and told her I had no problems with her and thought she was nice, and she did not reply at all. Did the same with him via email and he gets defensive about his relationship when I'm not even questioning their relationship, but trying to sort out ours. It's kinda like he wants me to leave him alone and "let him be happy for once" he says.
What I don't understand is why come at me saying "What's happened to our friendship". LOL I just want to slap him.
Definetly looking to expand my friendships to some better people though, I just hope they don't move like all the others, haha.
Maybe that's why they don't come around...he fears she is interested? Or I will go behind his back...lol.
Hungry for Cheese,
Who cares? Who cares what problems they have? That is their problem, not yours. You will do much better to focus on your own problems. Your problem is that you are too dependent on your friend as a source of social activity.
I know it's painful, but you really do need to take your mind off him and put it back on yourself. Start looking for a girlfriend. Join some social groups. Start jogging or spending more time at the gym. Whatever it takes.
You can use this as an opportunity to expand your own horizons, and I think you'll be surprised to find what good can come out of it.
Greenie
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