Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-26-2014, 02:50 PM
 
9,938 posts, read 7,619,094 times
Reputation: 8413

Advertisements

If a couple has disagreements for whatever reason, is it healthy or right if the woman goes to the man's family to discuss the issues and to complain about their son/brother?

The woman has contacted the sister and mother to discuss her issues with him.

I personally don't think it's classy or a good thing to do but wondered how others thought about it. I'm talking about a couple where the guy and woman are in their 40s so she should know better.

To me it's as if the woman is expecting his family to be on her side? I would think his family would/should want to stay out of it and he would recent both his wife/girlfriend and his family if they were to seem to take her side or to even listen to her. To me she has no business taking her issues to his family. I personally wouldn't like it if my spouse did that.

What are your thoughts on this?

Last edited by diddlydudette; 05-26-2014 at 03:18 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-26-2014, 02:54 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,010,021 times
Reputation: 62661
My thoughts are that I would stay out of someone else's marriage and family and tend to my own.
My Husband and I discuss any issues we have with each other and do not involve anyone else however, not everyone does what we do and it is none of our concern how others choose to handle their marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Caverns measureless to man...
7,588 posts, read 6,582,895 times
Reputation: 17966
What possible good is going to come of this? What sort of outcome is she expecting? If they take her side, he'll just resent them for it and be even more angry at her than he already is. If they don't take her side, she's now metastasized their relationship conflicts into another family, his family of origin. It's like Germany deciding that going to war against the British and French wasn't enough, so let's poke the Russians with a sharp stick too while we're at it.

Hopefully they have more sense and maturity than she does, and tell her that they don't consider it any of their business. Because it isn't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,975 posts, read 16,403,457 times
Reputation: 4586
Nothing good will come from this. She's potentially driving about 10 million different wedges.

If she needs to talk to someone else about problems with her husband, why not her own mother or sister (or a friend or therapist)?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,109,235 times
Reputation: 73914
I think marriage stuff should stay between married people.

You sure as heck don't go trying to stir up problems with your spouse's family, and it is fairly unwise to grouse to your own family and friends.

Dirty laundry smells.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:15 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 11,705,476 times
Reputation: 12757
No,it doesn't seem right. They're adults- they should be discussing their problems between themselves when they calm down. If it's really bad then they should see a marriage counselor.

Bringing in family members just creates more friction and drama. It will not solve any problems. Some people like drama, some people enjoy stirring the pot.

Jerry Springer has to get his material from somewhere, maybe they're getting ready to sign up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma
6,809 posts, read 6,901,271 times
Reputation: 20953
I'm a firm believer that problems in a marriage should only be discussed with someone impartial ( a counselor, priest, pastor, etc). Tattling on a mate to their family puts the one being tattled on in an embarrassing position.

My ex daughter in law used to report back to her parents every detail of an argument she and my son had. My new daughter in law tried to confide in me about issues she was having with my son. The first few times I saw her point and agreed with her, but a later confidence really irritated me, since she was clearly in the wrong. I told her so, and it didn't sit well. Guess it was only ok to get my advice/approval when I agreed with her. We get along very well, but I think that put an end to the tattling, which is more than fine with me. It's best not to involve family members in an argument between a married couple IMO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:35 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,973,278 times
Reputation: 27091
I used to have an ex boyfriend who would go to his mother and tell her all our problems , we were living together . She would tell him to come home and stay with her . I thought her to be a busy body and then one day my mother went to her house to discuss the problems we were having and his sister came out to the yard and started listening and that peed my mother off and my mother told her to please go back in the house and be the little girl she was acting like . His mother proceeded to tell my mother that all our problems were caused by me . That irritated my mother to no end and my mother let her know that she was a busybody and she needed to teach her kids to grow up and get from behind mommy .He is married now for the third time , gee I wonder why ? could it be because his family interferes all the time . I see her getting tired of that soon too . I can see now I would have been miserable being with that man any longer . I think sometimes parents need to stay out of marriages all together . I have never stepped into my kids marriages and they appreciate it im sure .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 03:48 PM
 
5,570 posts, read 7,235,878 times
Reputation: 16561
I'm in the minority here ... when they got married, it was no longer "my family" and "your family" ... his family became her family.

We don't know the circumstances (and we likely shouldn't), so we have no way of knowing whether or not she was right to turn to the in-laws. Perhaps she needs them to be on her side to stop him from doing something potentially destructive. There's just no way to know what's right or wrong in this hypothetical situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2014, 04:04 PM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,275,074 times
Reputation: 22904
When we were first married my husband and I promised each other that we would discuss our issues only between ourselves and an impartial party, like a pastor or counselor. We were very young, but somehow we had the maturity to understand that family and friends could not help but choose sides, and that would ultimately be detrimental to our relationship. As someone else has already pointed out, no good can come from running to the in-laws with criticism. She is playing with fire, and she will get burned.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top