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If a couple has disagreements for whatever reason, is it healthy or right if the woman goes to the man's family to discuss the issues and to complain about their son/brother?
The woman has contacted the sister and mother to discuss her issues with him.
I personally don't think it's classy or a good thing to do but wondered how others thought about it. I'm talking about a couple where the guy and woman are in their 40s so she should know better.
To me it's as if the woman is expecting his family to be on her side? I would think his family would/should want to stay out of it and he would recent both his wife/girlfriend and his family if they were to seem to take her side or to even listen to her. To me she has no business taking her issues to his family. I personally wouldn't like it if my spouse did that.
What are your thoughts on this?
Last edited by diddlydudette; 05-26-2014 at 03:18 PM..
My thoughts are that I would stay out of someone else's marriage and family and tend to my own.
My Husband and I discuss any issues we have with each other and do not involve anyone else however, not everyone does what we do and it is none of our concern how others choose to handle their marriage.
What possible good is going to come of this? What sort of outcome is she expecting? If they take her side, he'll just resent them for it and be even more angry at her than he already is. If they don't take her side, she's now metastasized their relationship conflicts into another family, his family of origin. It's like Germany deciding that going to war against the British and French wasn't enough, so let's poke the Russians with a sharp stick too while we're at it.
Hopefully they have more sense and maturity than she does, and tell her that they don't consider it any of their business. Because it isn't.
No,it doesn't seem right. They're adults- they should be discussing their problems between themselves when they calm down. If it's really bad then they should see a marriage counselor.
Bringing in family members just creates more friction and drama. It will not solve any problems. Some people like drama, some people enjoy stirring the pot.
Jerry Springer has to get his material from somewhere, maybe they're getting ready to sign up.
I'm a firm believer that problems in a marriage should only be discussed with someone impartial ( a counselor, priest, pastor, etc). Tattling on a mate to their family puts the one being tattled on in an embarrassing position.
My ex daughter in law used to report back to her parents every detail of an argument she and my son had. My new daughter in law tried to confide in me about issues she was having with my son. The first few times I saw her point and agreed with her, but a later confidence really irritated me, since she was clearly in the wrong. I told her so, and it didn't sit well. Guess it was only ok to get my advice/approval when I agreed with her. We get along very well, but I think that put an end to the tattling, which is more than fine with me. It's best not to involve family members in an argument between a married couple IMO.
I used to have an ex boyfriend who would go to his mother and tell her all our problems , we were living together . She would tell him to come home and stay with her . I thought her to be a busy body and then one day my mother went to her house to discuss the problems we were having and his sister came out to the yard and started listening and that peed my mother off and my mother told her to please go back in the house and be the little girl she was acting like . His mother proceeded to tell my mother that all our problems were caused by me . That irritated my mother to no end and my mother let her know that she was a busybody and she needed to teach her kids to grow up and get from behind mommy .He is married now for the third time , gee I wonder why ? could it be because his family interferes all the time . I see her getting tired of that soon too . I can see now I would have been miserable being with that man any longer . I think sometimes parents need to stay out of marriages all together . I have never stepped into my kids marriages and they appreciate it im sure .
I'm in the minority here ... when they got married, it was no longer "my family" and "your family" ... his family became her family.
We don't know the circumstances (and we likely shouldn't), so we have no way of knowing whether or not she was right to turn to the in-laws. Perhaps she needs them to be on her side to stop him from doing something potentially destructive. There's just no way to know what's right or wrong in this hypothetical situation.
When we were first married my husband and I promised each other that we would discuss our issues only between ourselves and an impartial party, like a pastor or counselor. We were very young, but somehow we had the maturity to understand that family and friends could not help but choose sides, and that would ultimately be detrimental to our relationship. As someone else has already pointed out, no good can come from running to the in-laws with criticism. She is playing with fire, and she will get burned.
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