What to do when old guy neighbor comes on to you (person, brother)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think I might discuss this very lightly with his wife. If he does have some form of dementia or Alz, then his filter is gone and probably his entire personality as well. I worked with and became like a family member to a guy and his wife for years. He would hug me - but very stiff, never comfortable with it at all. When he developed Alz, then he wanted to hug and kiss on everybody. Would look at jewelry and tell us all how cheap it was. In his prior life he would have been mortified at his own behavior.
You know him well and probably can keep him at bay with your responses, like you would a small child who did not know better.
Or, he could have become a dirty old man and thinks he can get away with this behavior. I choose to think it's something he's not doing on purpose! Just my 2 cents.
I would just keep my distance from him. It is really sad that he put you in this position.
I was very nervous and taken aback.
I changed the focus to the actual garden. I didn't know if he would do something else worse.
Then I hurried into my house.
I think I might discuss this very lightly with his wife. If he does have some form of dementia or Alz, then his filter is gone and probably his entire personality as well. I worked with and became like a family member to a guy and his wife for years. He would hug me - but very stiff, never comfortable with it at all. When he developed Alz, then he wanted to hug and kiss on everybody. Would look at jewelry and tell us all how cheap it was. In his prior life he would have been mortified at his own behavior.
You know him well and probably can keep him at bay with your responses, like you would a small child who did not know better.
Or, he could have become a dirty old man and thinks he can get away with this behavior. I choose to think it's something he's not doing on purpose! Just my 2 cents.
I was hoping he would come over to see US and explain his indiscretion so I could somehow accept
An aberration. Didn't happen.
I don't know about your neighbor, but I do know when a person loses their reasoning power, their thinking changes. My dad became somewhat senile when he was about 91 and it turns out he could no longer "perform" and apparently it worried him greatly. (I only know this from bits and pieces of things said.) They had a good friend who often took my dad fishing or was otherwise over at their house, usually because he'd been called to help with something or other. My dad decided the friend and mother were having an affair, which I assure anyone it was ridiculous for him to have such a thought, but he did. He and I were on an errand and he was worried the friend might still be at their house, so I offered for us to drive back by. Fortunately, friend was gone and dad was relieved.
Discussing this with my son, he related a similar situation happened with the father of a good friend. He'd become obsessed with sex and decided his wife was doing it with someone else since he no longer could. It seems to happen more than we know.
The husband of one of my good friends had dementia and started chasing their cleaning lady around the house when the wife was gone or outside. She didn't want to tell the wife and decided to quit instead.
I don't know about your neighbor, but I do know when a person loses their reasoning power, their thinking changes. My dad became somewhat senile when he was about 91 and it turns out he could no longer "perform" and apparently it worried him greatly. (I only know this from bits and pieces of things said.) They had a good friend who often took my dad fishing or was otherwise over at their house, usually because he'd been called to help with something or other. My dad decided the friend and mother were having an affair, which I assure anyone it was ridiculous for him to have such a thought, but he did. He and I were on an errand and he was worried the friend might still be at their house, so I offered for us to drive back by. Fortunately, friend was gone and dad was relieved.
Discussing this with my son, he related a similar situation happened with the father of a good friend. He'd become obsessed with sex and decided his wife was doing it with someone else since he no longer could. It seems to happen more than we know.
The husband of one of my good friends had dementia and started chasing their cleaning lady around the house when the wife was gone or outside. She didn't want to tell the wife and decided to quit instead.
I don't know what has been written by professionals on the subject, but if it were me, I would go to the library to see what is there. When I stayed with my parents during much of their nineties, there was a book, The 36 hour day, that had so much information in it for caregivers. I don't remember what was there re the problem being discussed in this thread, but I know it would be in a book about dementia in general. Also, maybe search Google: dementia and aberrant sexual behavior or at least unexpected.
I once knew a woman who told me about her own father acting weird toward her. My dad was only slightly senile and could always take care of himself other than not being left alone longer than a few minutes.
When my brother was in college, he went with a friend to a nursing home and a woman with dementia tried to get him to come into her room, so it isn't only men.
When my brother was in college, he went with a friend to a nursing home and a woman with dementia tried to get him to come into her room, so it isn't only men.
I'm sure that's true. Years ago my elderly aunt was a volunteer at a Catholic nursing home. The nuns who ran the place always said the old men might lose all their faculties but sex was still on their minds. As a young woman I thought this was rather astonishing, imaging these oldsters coming on to the good sisters. Whether your neighbor is becoming senile or knows full well what he is doing, it sounds like you'll have to make sure you aren't alone with him. A friendly wave or hello and then you suddenly remember something you need to do inside. It's too bad considering you've been friends for years, but obviously something has changed, and I think there is very little you can do except to avoid one-on-one encounters.
Frankly, I wouldn't care why he did it. He did it, and it's not acceptable.
If a kid acted this way, or someone with developmental disabilities, it would not be okay.
I don't get why people are making excuses for the guy. Bad behavior gets the appropriate response.
"Hey, hands off!" Then, he's never invited into personal space, ever again.
And as an aside, why would a man think that attacking and grabbing a woman like that would end up successfully? I have to chuckle. Any men out there who ever grabbed a woman's rear and kissed her without any invitation, actually get lucky then and there?
It never worked with me lol! I accepted a date with a man who seemed nice a couple months ago. We met to take my dog along for a walk by the river. He kept trying to kiss me and also grabbed my rear! He kept asking me if I minded and I kept saying, um yes, I don't even know you. But, did he stop? No! So, no more dates for him. And we're old lol! I'm pushing 60 and he's older than me.
Just a hint for the guys out there...don't go getting all grabby right off the bat. It don't work.
But, back to your grabby neighbor. To heck with him, Altzheimer's or not. I did rat on a married guy who came on to me once. She wasn't surprised.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
