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Some of us wanted children, and always knew we wanted. Most of us who wanted them had them. It isn't as if herd opinion decided this for us. We, ourselves, very much wanted to have children. I do not regret having mine--ever.
If you don't want children, then don't have them. If you get nosy questions, a polite but dead ending reply is simply, "Why do you want to know?" I also think the "not that I know of" answer is humorous.
For those who ached to have children, and have not, then I think the "Why do you want to know?" answer should suffice.
I understand that people might not want to have children, and I understand how I felt all those years ago. IMO, both points of view have validity. And it really isn't any other person's business about whether we have/have no children. But I sort of take issue with the idea that those of us who did, have been pressured somehow into it. I don't think you can generalize it that way.
I'm not one to get obsessed over gender politics, as a general rule. I don't feel as if I was treated different in my school district, or by my parents, or by my friends for being a girl/woman. But I had a doozy of an experience at my little brother's wedding a couple years ago. Let me preface this by saying that I'm in my late 30s and I have a PhD that I spent my 20s getting. I'm perfectly happy single and childless.
So, anyway, I was at the reception for my brother's wedding when a middle-aged woman walks up to me and asks, "Are you Campion So-and-So?" To which I replied yes. The next words out of her mouth were about how she was the mother of a girl I went to high school with, and how her wonderful daughter was a teacher, she'd been married for x number of years, and had three children: two boys and one girl. And then, "How many children do you have?" No preface, no "what have you been doing with your life... nope, just "How many children do you have?" I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say what my dad suggested I should have said ("Oh, I had ten, but the state took them all away" or "None, I had five miscarriages"), but I was so flabbergasted that I simply replied, "None, I got a PhD instead." The woman quickly made herself scarce after that.
I'm not one to get obsessed over gender politics, as a general rule. I don't feel as if I was treated different in my school district, or by my parents, or by my friends for being a girl/woman. But I had a doozy of an experience at my little brother's wedding a couple years ago. Let me preface this by saying that I'm in my late 30s and I have a PhD that I spent my 20s getting. I'm perfectly happy single and childless.
So, anyway, I was at the reception for my brother's wedding when a middle-aged woman walks up to me and asks, "Are you Campion So-and-So?" To which I replied yes. The next words out of her mouth were about how she was the mother of a girl I went to high school with, and how her wonderful daughter was a teacher, she'd been married for x number of years, and had three children: two boys and one girl. And then, "How many children do you have?" No preface, no "what have you been doing with your life... nope, just "How many children do you have?" I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say what my dad suggested I should have said ("Oh, I had ten, but the state took them all away" or "None, I had five miscarriages"), but I was so flabbergasted that I simply replied, "None, I got a PhD instead." The woman quickly made herself scarce after that.
yeah, i don't care for gender politics myself, but that would have gotten my goat. i would have LOVED to see the expression on her face if you had in fact told her you had ten kids and they got taken away by the state! HAHAHA!
it also occurs to me that with all the crap going on in the world, we should remember that if someone is just wanting to be friendly and chat, let 'em. we need more friendly cab drivers. hell, i had the BEST cab ride of my life the other night, with a guy from nigeria. we started talking about fela kuti (who i have a picture of on my wall as we speak, one of my heroes) and we were practically falling over each other talking about fela. he had even been to his shrine in lagos! when i left he was smiling big and kept saying loudly, "GOD BLESS you sister!" and he never even asked me if i had any kids! hahaha
Misery loves company. We they find out you don't have kids, they instantly bristle with jealousy. That's my theory anyway. I'm a married man with no kids who lives in an area where large families are the norm. There are times I feel like people think I have a disease or something when they find out!
I guess as a guy with no interest in children, I never, ever, ever thought of the "crazy cat lady" stereotype. I did think they seemed confident and didn't like to be told what to do with their lives. The hardest part was finding one, which I eventually did.
There are some of us who wanted to have children and have to choke back the tears when people make comments. Next time I think I will just have a total crying fit in front of them and see how they react.
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